My Reasons

My Reasons

This Is Where It All Begins

This Is Where It All Begins

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

ready....or not

Yesterday, during physical therapy, I was FINALLY given the ok, to do a very small, slow run.  Jon, my physical therapist, told me that I could run slow for 5 minutes, then stretch for a minute or two, then go for another 5 minutes.

He told me I could do this for about 20-30 minutes long as there was no stabbing pain.

Minor ache or pain would be normal, but no stabbing pain.  Stabbing pain means, get of the treadmill.

At this point, any kind of running will do for me.  I was ecstatic!

I grabbed my running shoes this morning, and as I was getting ready to put them on, I realized that I was actually going to run again!

Then, I got a little nervous.

Then, I thought about my leg, and all of the what ifs?

Then, I kind of panicked!

I had to remind myself that I was actually going to be able to run, and it was ok.  Even a teeny tiny run would be wonderful.

I got to the gym, got on the treadmill, freaked out a little bit again, stretched, and then started a very slow run.

I immediately felt some weird tugging, but Jon told me to expect that.  I ran for 5 minutes, then stopped and stretched...just like a good, obedient physical therapy patient.  It was REALLY hard to stop.  I was in heaven!

I ran another 5 minutes and started to feel some deep aching, but not stabbing pain.  I got worried, but so far so good.

I stopped and stretched again.

I ran another 5 minutes and the aching started getting a little more severe, so I stretched again, and started back up slower than before.

And then the stabbing pain finally hit.
I slammed my hand on the stop button in complete frustration,  and got off the treadmill.

I was so, so, so tempted to run through the pain, but I had strict orders to stop at any sign of stabbing pain, so I did.

I did everything I was supposed to do, I have worked so hard in physical therapy this past month, and I have forced myself to give my leg time to heal.

The aching leg I have felt all day today has also led to an aching heart.

I am extremely discouraged and upset.

I was really hoping for a pain free, small, easy run. A sign that things are moving forward.

Looks like I am not quite ready.


No comments: