My Reasons

My Reasons

This Is Where It All Begins

This Is Where It All Begins

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Checking In

Hey fellow bloggers,
I am still here, just not able to blog because our computer has been broken for over two weeks now. I am currently in Idaho using my parents computer.

Mary's Birthday was really fun and she had a wonderful day. I got to eat lunch at school with her and it was very entertaining. A post is soon to come.

Christmas was awesome. I LOVED having it on Sunday and being able to go to church on such a special and meaningful day. I wish we could do that more often on Christmas. It really brought the true spirit of the holiday into our hearts and home. A post is soon to come.

The pregnancy is going well....finally! I received a blessing from Ben a few weeks ago when things were pretty bad, and not 24 hours later, everything stopped and I have been just fine since. Behold the power of miracles. ;) I sure have.

The baby is moving and I find that so comforting. I love knowing that she is ok, without having to get the heartbeat at the Dr. office. We will have an ultrasound in a few weeks to check in on the baby, do all of the fun 20 week ultrasound stuff, confirm the gender (even though the tech was pretty sure it was a girl last time) and make sure the placenta is behaving. I am very excited and a little anxious for that appointment. A post will come soon.

Other than that, we are just hangin' out here in Idaho for a few more days, eating lots of yummy food, and then headed back to life.

Hopefully our computer will be back soon, and I can get some pictures on this blog, and check in on all of yours.

Happy New Year!

Friday, December 16, 2011

Rite of Passage

I guess you could say that my family is made up of late bloomers, when it comes to losing teeth. I lost my first tooth, that wasn't pulled by the dentist, in 2nd grade. Yup, 2nd grade. The grade where most kids are losing their 7th and 8th teeth, at least. My sister was the same.
Therefore, we weren't too surprised when Mary's teeth weren't even close to wiggly going into first grade. The poor kid was wiggling her teeth every night, trying to force that long awaited occasion that signifies a huge milestone to kids of her age. The right to show a smile full of holes, the right to show how you can twist, wiggle, and bend your loose teeth into all sorts of grotesque ways, shapes and forms.

And then an amazing thing happened. About a month ago, Mary came to me and showed me her loose tooth! Oh what a day.

After wiggling, twisting, and doing everything she could, the day finally arrived for the tooth to come out. I went upstairs and hid my head under a pillow and sang songs, while Ben got a napkin and got all set. Have I mentioned that anything that has to do with loose teeth and pulling teeth makes me literally sick to my stomach. I had the heebie jeebies all month watching her wiggle that thing. ick.

Well, Ben pulled and yanked and pulled, and the tooth did not come out. Mary has tiny teeth, and he couldn't get a good grip. Darn.

We waited a few more days, and then then big moment arrived. It took a few good yanks, and the tooth was free! Mary was shocked for a few minutes, and then she was elated.

Here is the note the tooth fairy found under Mary's pillow. (with the tooth taped to it). It was adorable!

Poor Mary is not really sporting a toothless smile. Her other tooth decided to make an appearance behind her loose tooth, before it came out. Thus, giving her the name "shark mouth."

She is proud of it though, and smiles as big as she can. She is now working on three more teeth that all of the sudden started wiggling this week. She can now officially enter the world of grade school and holy smiles.

In other Mary news:
She had her first gymnastics meet of the season this weekend. It was her first time competing at level 4. The meet was an in-house meet, so it was kind of a practice meet for the girls. They had real judges and scores, but they also kept it more low key.
Mary did not compete floor or beam, because she is still learning the order of the routines on those events. She knows the skills, she just doesn't know all of the fancy little arm and leg movements and positions that go in between the moves. Her coaches say she will be ready in a few weeks.

She did bars and vault though, and she rocked it! She placed in the top 4 on both events! We were so proud of her. She has been working so hard, and has had to play catch up because she joined the level 4 team just two months ago. Her other meets will start in March, and we are very excited. Good job Mary girl!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

The Appointment....and The Gender (most likely)!

Yesterday morning I woke up to another scare. Same thing that happened last week basically. I had an appointment scheduled for Friday, but I decided that this was not something that should wait.

I called my new OB and they got me in within an hour! Love this place.

We found a very kind soul to watch William and Sam, and Ben came with me to the doctor. We weren't freaking out like we were last week, but we were still very concerned and worried.

I had the ultrasound first. Again, she turned up the volume as we heard the baby's healthy heartbeat, and again, I let some silent tears fall. So much relief after so much anxiety. Such a roller-coaster. Reminder: I lost a baby at exactly this point in the pregnancy a few years ago. It is all still very real and very much at the front of my mind when I have complications like this (that I have NEVER had before).

As the tech measured this and that, we watched our little one kick and play and I couldn't help but smile. Once we knew the baby was fine, and that there was no real danger to be seen, Ben asked if there was any way to know the gender yet. The tech said she would "see what she could see, but the baby is still pretty small."

After more poking and prodding on my VERY sore and tender stomach, the tech said, I can't say it is 100%, but I am pretty sure it is a girl. She then said that a few more times as she got a better look. Ben and I didn't say anything. Our hearts were in our throats, and I think we were both too happy to talk. At the end of the ultrasound, as she was walking out, she said in a very sure tone, "yup, I would say it is a girl." And then she smiled as she shut the door.

That is as sure as we can get right now, and I feel safe to say it is a girl. The doctor also agreed. We will have another ultrasound between 18-20 weeks, if not sooner, and I am sure that is where it will be a done deal and the gender will be solidified as much as it can be before the actual birth.

My mind was in about a million places at this point, as we made our way up to the doctor's office. I am sure Ben felt the same. One thing was for sure though, we were happy, very very happy.

The doctor was amazing. He asked a ton of questions, we asked a ton of questions. He did this test and that test. He looked at the ultrasound, and looked again. He drew blood and he got my history. He pulled out pictures and models and taught us a few things. He spend a lot of TIME with us, and acted truly CONCERNED and WILLING TO HELP. It was awesome.

The conclusion:
We don't know what the heck is happening, but we have some pretty good ideas. The doctor is positive that whatever it is, there is a 95% chance that it will not hurt the baby at this point, especially because the baby looks so strong and has a great heartbeat. He did make sure we know though, that there is still a small, itsy, bitsy chance of things going south, and that we should keep that in the very back corner of our minds.

I do not have placenta previa. Hooray!!!! The placenta moved just enough this past week to rule that out for now. However, it is still lying very low, and easily could be irritating everything, and causing the pain and bleeding.

Another theory, and the one that I feel is correct. The placenta has done a few minor tears away from where it is attached. That explains almost everything. This is not a concern unless there is a tear of over 50% of the placenta. Then it gets bad, really really bad. We would lose the baby for sure, unless I was far enough along for them to do a c-section and save the baby. The doctor does not think that will happen. He thinks the placenta has healed itself each time it has torn so far. To be safe though, I will go in for an ultrasound each time I bleed like I have been, to have the placenta and the baby checked. We are hoping there is no next time though.

So basically, he ruled out everything that would cause immediate harm to our baby at the moment, but also knows that something is happening and it really worries us all out each time it happens.

Oh, and the due date has now gone from June 4th, to June 6th, to May 28th to June 3rd. {Insert shaking of head and chuckling here.} We will just plan on the first week of June.

I go back in in a week, for a follow up and to go over the blood tests, and then we will go from there.

And for other good bed rest! I have been so worried about this, and a little stressed too. Maybe now my nightmares of me being stuck in my bed while the kids are crying next to empty stockings on Christmas morning, and the ward choir is at church waiting for their pianist to show up so they can do the Christmas program, will go away. Honestly.

I have a lot more peace now. I love this doctor and the whole office. Everyone from the receptionist, to the schedulers, to the nurses, to the doctors, are so kind, understanding, and amazing. I am in great hands.

Of course, I worry about my body, and what it is doing and how it can effect the baby, but I feel like it all will be ok, as long as we keep close watch. And oh man, did Ben and I have fun telling the kids and going over some little girl names last night.

Monday, December 5, 2011


First of all,
Thank you to everyone for your advice and for your encouragement to get a new OB. It gave me the push I needed, and I made the change. I truly appreciate your support and advice. It helped a lot to know I was not alone, or just being weird, in my feelings of worry and frustration. Thank you.

I spent Saturday in a great deal of pain, with some spotting to top it off. I called my doctor twice, supposedly they paged him, no one ever called me back.

Sunday was the same. I was in a lot of pain with cramping, I called the doctor three times, each time they said they paged him, I never got a call back. The last time I called, I was very blunt and begged to talk to him or any doctor for that matter. They were not nice, I was ticked, they said a doctor would call, I heard nothing. To say I was upset and worried would be an extreme understatement.

Today, I woke up and called the doctor's office of the new OB I had decided to use. I have to deliver at a certain hospital, so my options are limited, but I got a great recommendation and went with it. I knew that they had never seen me, and had no records, but I asked if I could please be seen today. They had me leave a message for a nurse, and because of my experience this past weekend, I had no hope of getting a call back.

45 minutes later, the nurse called back, and apologized for taking so long. Seriously, I just wanted to kiss her for calling back so quickly or even at all. I was thrilled to finally hear from someone!

She was incredible. She listened to me describe my past 4 days. She was so understanding and more than willing to try to figure out what is going on. She took it very seriously and could not believe I was sent home from the ER being told not to worry and to resume normal activity. She even looked up my ultrasound results and my paper work from the ER while I was on the phone with her! How awesome is that.

She told me that she would talk with the doctor and call me back. And she did, and it was fast! Hooray!

The doctor (who will not be my new doctor, but was so awesome and willing to step in today, and who works with my new OB) said that I need to at least be on moderate bed rest starting right now. No lifting William, no exercising, and no unnecessary work of any kind.
She says I most likely (not for sure) have partial or full placenta previa, but that is not the reason for the bleeding and cramping. In fact, that will not be a big worry until the third trimester, if it has not corrected itself. BUT, they plan on closely monitoring it from here on out and treating the symptoms with it if and when they come.

That said, they are going to try to find the source of my bleeding, cramping and back pain. They have some guesses, some scary, some not, but nothing is for sure yet.


THEY, not I....THEY scheduled an appointment for me to see the doctor asap! I go in Friday morning for an ultrasound and then an appointment right after. Hopefully we will know what is happening after that. Good or bad, I just really need to know what to plan on and what to do about it. Being in the dark is horrible.

Both the nurse and the doctor were phenomenal! My new OB works with them, and they only had great things to say about him as well. I am so relieved.

I am done with my other OB, and I honestly feel like I am in very good hands now, and that I am with the doctor that I need to be with right now.

I do know that something is not right and that my body is trying to tell me something, but I also have hope. I am pretty nervous for Friday, and for what they may discover, but I do have peace and feel that my baby is ok. I may just have to sacrifice a lot more than expected to keep it that way. I hope I am strong enough.

Friday, December 2, 2011

The Scare

Yesterday was my second OB appointment. I had been having some cramping and some back pain, so of course, I was worried. I worry a lot now. Once you experience the worst case scenario with pregnancy, you will worry with each pregnancy after. At least, that has been the case with me. And it is normal, or so I have been told.

My worry has subsided since giving birth to William though, and this pregnancy has not been nearly as nerve-wracking as his was....until yesterday.

My doctor here is a little "interesting." Granted, I have only seen him twice, but he really doesn't seem to care too much. My first appointment, he didn't even give me "the exam" that we all get to experience. He just asked me questions, interrupted me a lot, didn't really listen, did an ultrasound, to calm my fears and get a heartbeat (my request) and sent me on my way. He forgot me as soon as I walked out the door. I never saw him write anything down, and I have a history what most doctors would be writing down and asking about. I got the feeling that he wasn't listening, at all.

My appointment yesterday was similar. I told him that I thought I was anemic. I was anemic for a year, severely anemic for 6 months of that year. I have lost 35% of my blood before. Believe me, I know what it feels like, and I know I am anemic right now. He glanced at my chart from 5 weeks ago, and said, "your iron looks fine." uuummm, yes, I am sure it was 5 WEEKS AGO. A lot can happen in 5 weeks buddy. Especially in pregnancy.
He never measured me, or talked about my concerns with the cramping and back pain, but he did get a good strong heartbeat. And I did a HUGE sigh of relief. We scheduled my 18 week ultrasound, he moved my due date back 2 days to June 6th (for reasons unknown??), then he sent me on my merry way.

Move ahead three hours.

I got home from taking Mary to gymnastics (and running out of gas on 106...yup, that was fun), I went to the bathroom, and there it was. The very thing I have nightmares about now. The one thing that I dread finding. The culprit of my pregnancy fears. Blood, and lots of it. Enough to make me call for Ben.

I go into shock, Ben looks like he just saw a ghost, and time kind of just froze for a few minutes. Then we went into action mode. We found a sitter for Sam, packed the diaper bag, Ben forces me to eat dinner because I was previously starving (good man) and I call and call and call my doctor. The nurse says he will call back.

So we wait, and wait and wait. It was awful.

45 minutes later, yes...45 minutes later, the doctor calls. I told him what was going on. He tells me to go to the ER where he will order an ultrasound.

We go to the E.R. where they say there is no ultrasound ordered. So, we call the doctor again.

And we wait and wait and wait. The order never comes.

40 minutes later, we just check in to the ER, forget the ultrasound order, and I get into a room, and we wait, and wait and wait.

They decide to check me, and then do the ultrasound in the ER. They say they need to get a nurse and will be right back.

Then we wait and wait and wait. The thoughts going through my mind were nuts. Worry, stress, sad, hope, fear, prayers, lots of prayers, and so on. The nurse comes 30 minutes later and they do an exam.

Finally, we got the ultrasound. I thought my lungs were going to burst out of my chest with anxiety. And then there was a heartbeat. Major relief is the only word to describe it, but it doesn't even adequately describe what we felt. I was so relieved I got light headed. I knew we weren't out of the woods, but seeing the heartbeat made me not care about what may come next.

We saw our baby, and then the tech. went on to measure other things.

The results:
The baby is strong and fine, and a week and a 1/2 bigger than we thought. My due date was changed to May 28th. It went from June 4th to June 6th to May 28th in about 6 hours. My placenta is very low. It is not in the right place at the moment. The ER doctor said that it was placenta previa. Full placenta previa.

What to do:
According to the ER doctor: Lots of ultrasounds from here on out, monitoring my bleeding, and if the placenta doesn't move, I will have the baby c-section. Oh, and partial bed rest until the cramping and bleeding stop. This was the prognosis of the ER doctor. The doctor I trusted and that listened to me. The one I liked and felt was right.

Then he called my doctor (who was not even at the same hospital as me) and came back saying this:

"Um, your doctor says that this can be normal. He says not to worry, the placenta will most likely move. He feels no need to follow up with you. You will just see him again in 5 weeks at your scheduled appointment. You can go home, and live life like normal." There was no mention of why I could be bleeding and contracting, or what to do about it.

SERIOUSLY!!! I am all sorts of anxious and worried and looking for answers, and I just got two completely different opinions. Of course, my doctor's opinion overrides the ER doctor. Even if he didn't remember me from just a few hours ago.

Then we left. And here we are.

I cramped all night and didn't sleep well.

Maybe I am just being paranoid, but I spent the morning trying to find a new OB. I need a second opinion, and I feel that I need one soon. The soonest I can be seen by anyone is in a week and 1/2. I scheduled it.

So for now, I am just lying low, trying not to lift anything heavy or do anything that may cause more cramping and bleeding. I am not going to just "live life like normal." Obviously, something is not right, and I am going to be careful. And I guess I will just wait. And wait and wait.

I feel peace and I know that the baby is ok, but it sure would be nice to know exactly what is going on with me and why I have these symptoms. And I really would like to know sooner than 5 weeks from now. I think my doc. should at least have scheduled a follow up appointment in a few days or something.

Am I just being paranoid, or does anyone else out there find that a little odd?

Monday, November 28, 2011

I Have Realized....

...that watching Ben ski with Mary and Sam is a rare opportunity of a glimpse into true happiness in one of its rarest forms.

All three of them grinned and grinned and grinned.

All three of them are dare devils and had me biting my nails off, one at a time. All three of them love the sport. And all three of them were having fun together, a sight that melted my heart.

William is not one step behind. He was watching with such profound interest, I could tell he was eager to get out there and try it himself. Instead of skiing this year, he learned all about snow. The taste of snow, the smell of snow, the feel of snow under his boots, and the thrill of snow that comes from the heart of a child.
It was a great day on the ski hill for our whole family.

...great big cups of hot chocolate, complete with whip cream and marshmallows, can thaw the frozen toes and fingers brought on by a day in the snow, and warm hearts.

...although netflix is great, redbox is still a must have.

...that hanging the Christmas lights on the house with Ben is actually really fun, especially when the kids are occupying themselves by making a fort in Mary's room. We don't always see eye to eye on when and how to hang the lights, and it has been a little "interesting" in years past, but this year we met in the middle and had a great time. Ben proved his Superman-ness once more and got the lights to the edge of the roof without falling off. I am usually the one on the roof, but Ben sacrificed himself this year, in order not to risk hurting the baby in the womb. I LOVE our new lights this year, and I really didn't mind unscrewing every other one to make the red/white pattern. I think it is so cute, and so much better than our other lights that would always sag, burn out in chunks, and randomly blink or not blink. So much better this year!

...that having Thanksgiving dinner with our own little family can be just as meaningful and fun as we make it. I did the whole sha-bang. Turkey, stuffing, yams, layered jello (common, I had to, we are in Utah now), rolls, and on and on and on.
The dinner was so yummy, and making it was fun too. We even pulled out or china. oooohhh, aaahhhh. We talked about what we are thankful for and enjoyed being together, just us, our own little unit. Next year we will put the turkey in before hanging the lights though. Lets just say our Thanksgiving "feast" was a little later then normal. But all was well. At least it wasn't Denny's this year. Perspective my friends..perspective. ;)

...that friends, lots of pie, and a Just Dance Wii game can make for a fun Thanksgiving evening. Thank you Katie and fam for making the trek over here to hang with us. It made the day complete for sure.

...that setting up the Christmas decorations with the whole family takes a lot longer, but is so much more fun to do with everyone, than by myself.

The joy and excitement it brought to our kids and our home was priceless, and worth every extra minute it took.

...that one hotel room for a night with the family, walking around and checking out the lights on Temple Square,

watching movies while eating Oreos (with cheese?) in a great big hotel bed,

swimming, swimming, swimming, and more swimming,

eating out, hanging out, and getting a Christmas tree is probably the best way ever to spend a Friday and Saturday after Thanksgiving.

...that we are capable of having a lot of fun with our own little family. Of course, we love to be with extended family, loved ones and friends. We cherish those moments with people we love. But, I realized this weekend, that as our kids continue to grow and we are able to do more things, we can have so much fun with just us. And we did. It gave me a new perspective into our future together, and made me very excited for trips, weekends, moments, and memories we will make together as a family.

..that a Christmas tree looks a lot smaller in the tree lot. oops. ;)
But is was so pretty! We could make it work, if we didn't use the piano, sit on the couch, or attempt to put gifts under the tree.

We have decided that part of FHE tonight will be exchanging our tree for a smaller one. At least the house smells of fresh pine (which to me is the best smell on earth).

...that a date with Ben, no matter what we do, is wonderful. We spent Saturday evening at the movies, and I even got popcorn! That is pretty amazing for us and our frugal ways sometimes. It was yummy. The movie, in my opinion and contrary to popular belief, was pretty good, and the time alone with Ben was great. He is my best friend.

...that my jeans are oh, so tight and my maternity pants are oh, so loose. Such a fun phase.

...that Mary has a shark mouth.

The poor kid hasn't lost a tooth yet, and she will be 7 in a few weeks. She pretty much doesn't have a chance, with my genetics anyway. I lost my first tooth (that wasn't pulled by the dentist) when I was almost 8. My sister is the same.

Mary finally has a loose tooth though, and luckily, it is the one in front of the shark tooth. eek!

...that a beautiful choir practice with wonderful Christmas music, tithing settlement (and realizing our blessings) and hanging out with friends on a Sunday evening is the perfect way to end a wonderful weekend. Even if we did play a head chopping, big chested, bum in the wind type of game. It was all good. ;)

...that this post is getting very, very long, and I am still in my pj's and I need to go to the store. I'm still pretending it's the weekend. Denial, I guess.
I am very grateful for the wonderful weekend we were able to have and the happiness and joy we felt. It was a very, very happy Thanksgiving, and one I feel was very needed, a great blessing, and not taken for granted.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Because I really don't want to forget.

These are just a FEW things I have heard a certain adorable 4 yr. old boy say lately.

Ben: "Sam, why are you such a good boy?"
Sam: "um, I don't know...Jesus."

Me: "Sam, please behave a little better."
Sam: " I am being have."
Me: "huh?"
Sam: " And how can I behave anyway, I don't even know who Have is?"

(on Sam's first day of preschool)
Ben: "Sam, do you remember what I said about preschool."
Sam: "I know, I nice to the humans."

Sam: "Life would be so much better without a mom and dad."
Me: "Oh really...why?"
Sam: "Because then we could buy toys that are too expensive, because no one would say they are too expensive."
Me: "They would still be expensive Sam, and how would you get the money to pay for them?
Sam: "Well, I guess we would keep dad. And there is always grandma."

(during prayers)
Mom is saying the prayer and Sam interrupts and says,
"Please tell Jesus to tell Santa that I want a remote control monster truck for Christmas. I am too shy to tell Santa myself, and Santa has to listen to Jesus."

And now for a little story.
The other day I bought Sam some gloves at the store. I just grabbed a pair and threw them in the cart. They were army green with little sticky pads on the palms and under the fingers.
When I brought them home and gave them to Sam, he was ecstatic! He calls them his sticky gloves, and he swears that he can climb buildings and poles with them. He even tried to climb the walls in our house.
This has gone on for two weeks now, and even though he has yet to climb up the house by his fingertips, he is convinced that he can.
He is now asking for sticky socks, he is sure that those will be all he needs to give him the extra boost to climb everything.
It is hilarious, and so funny.

Four is one of my favorite ages, and I sure love my little Sammy boy. He keeps me smiling.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Putting myself in time out.

Time Out For Women that is.

Oh what a weekend!

It was spent with 15+ wonderful women that I have come to know and love this past year and 1/2. We ate yummy food at great places, giggled into the wee hours of the morning, laughed and cried throughout the presentations, were so spiritualy uplifted and rejuvinated by amazing speakers and music, had a crazy experience during our midnight run to Chili's for chips and salsa, and my sickness, lonliness, frustrated, slump these past few months was finally lifted.

I have never done anything like this before, and it was my FIRST time ever spending a night away from my family doing something fun, for me. After I saw and felt how wonderful and rejuvinating it was, I plan on making this a tradition. And so does everyone else.

Ben did a wonderful job of juggling sports, Birthday parties, getting ready for company, and holding the fort down. He did not complain, and constantly told me to not worry and to just have fun. He is such a great guy.

Because I was able to relax and really dig deep for a day or so, my heart was healed a little more from some hurt I was carrying, I gained a greater resolve to brush things off and to choose how I feel, instead of letting others. My nausea was literally lifted from me for a few days, I felt the love and closeness of my Savior, and I came away with new goals, new desires, new confidence, and a better sense of who I am and why I am here.

The weekend flew by, and before we all knew it, we were homeward bound once more. I came home to my mother-in-law and Ben's brother and his family here. We have had a fun past few days hanging out and being together. The kids are having a blast with grandma, and I am so, So, SO thankful for some loving, helping hands in our home.
My brother and his family arrive tonight, and fly out to AZ in the morning, Ben's family will stay until tomorrow, and then boom...Thanksgiving and a fun filled weekend.

Crazy, but a good crazy. I will take it for sure.

To add to the weekend, I am now officially 12 weeks along. The nausea is strong today, but the past few days, I have noticed that it is finally beginning to subside, in small doses. That has given me a lot of hope and excitement. I even ate some sugar without feeling like death run over!

Also, I saw the first picture of myself since I got my new hair style. It was taken at Time Out For Women, and I LOVED it! I don't think many of us knew the picture was being taken, but I was just so happy to see myself with hair, instead of all face in a picture. I LOVE my new long, side-swept bangs, and the highlights and lowlights. It has been my favorite haircut so far. Ben loves it too, which makes it even better. Hooray! (the washing machine is a little joke)

All in all, I am feeling much better in several areas. Life is not perfect, and anyone who says so, and who gets on others for not saying the same, has some problems. But it is better and I have hope that it will contiue to go mostly upward from here. And for now, I will bask in it.

For this momma, time out is the best punishment you could give me. ;)

Thursday, November 17, 2011


Hello blogging world,
I am back. What a crazy ride we have been on. Sorry for no posting, and no checking up on other posts either. I hope no one is offended. There is just a time and a place for blogging for me, and the past little while has not been the time.

I have noticed a certain pattern in my life and the life of my family. The pattern comes in the form of waves. A true test of endurance I think. Good thing I run, and have taught myself how to endure, even when you feel like lying down on the road, crying and giving up. I honestly feel that endurance has been a gift given to me in a few forms, and a gift I am expected to use.

For us, when life is good, it is good. We have fun, we embrace it, we enjoy it, and we make the most of it. We love to have fun.

When life gets hard, it gets really hard. We struggle, we fight, we cry and we endure. And it usually does not just sprinkle, we get the floods.

For some reason, we don't get much of the here a little and there a little types of things. It is all or nothing usually.

And I tell you what, during those long stretches of hardship, there is no better time to learn some serious life lessons, figure out who your true friends are, and dig deep.

If you didn't see my last post, you may want to go back to it, but it is the perfect example of what I am talking about. We don't just get a few days of a stomach bug. Nope, we get that along with about 5 other illnesses, a cracked skull, morning sickness, and some other issues that are personal.

And no, it didn't end when the post did. I am just coming away from a horrid 3 day stomach bug, which William also had. So fun.

Ben gave me a blessing last night, because after 8 weeks of being sick and taking care of the sick, I finally cracked. Oh yeah, I sure cracked. It was amazing, I am sure.

This morning though, I woke up with all sorts of perspective and insight. And to me, a lesson learned and not recorded, is a lesson not remembered. So, leaving out some of the more personal stuff, here are some things I have learned during this wave in our lives.

Lesson #1
True friends will reveal themselves when endurance is put to the test.
Yup, that's right. And this can be a very hurtful lesson when it comes to some friends that leave you, label you as annoying or a complainer, or just ignore you during long bouts of hardship, but come running when it is time to party.
I can honestly say, that I was quite surprised with who actually has continued to call and check up and offer to help, and who has turned the other cheek and ignored us, or have asked how we are and then walked away.
I am so grateful for true friends, even when I may be surprised with who they end up being or not being.

Lesson #2
If momma aint happy, aint nobody happy.
This past little while, I have had my eyes opened to how my illness, sadness, happiness, energy or lack of, and attention, truly set the tone for our home and family.
I have learned to hide a lot, to suffer silently a few times, to cook dinner when I feel half dead, and to smile for the kids, when really I am holding down the urge to vomit or scream.
My family deserves a stable mother, through sickness and health. I am trying.

Lesson #3
Just because you're the momma doesn't mean you don't need yours
My mom had surgery last week, and therefore has not been able to physically be here to help. Long phone conversations however, have gone a long way. If anything, they have helped with the loneliness of being stuck home sick for weeks on end.

Lesson #4
Christmas music can be listened to before Thanksgiving, if it means making you feel better.
And it does, so I am listening to it.

Lesson #5
Outward not Inward
This one has been hard, because inward, I have been the one needing. No matter what though, it always feels good to look outward for someone in need and to serve. There is always an opportunity.

Lesson #6
The Gospel is true. The Lord understands. Prayers are answered. Blessings come. All we need to do is ask and follow.
I will NEVER deny this.

Lesson #7
Bitterness grows. Forgiveness forgets.
Oh man, have I had a battle with this one. I am finally winning, I think.

Lesson #8
Ben is the eternal companion for me..oh, and he is Superman.
Ben is my best friend. He is an amazing listener. He has a great strong shoulder to cry on, and he is patient. I love him.

Lesson #8
Look Forward
Looking forward to things, when the present isn't that great, really helps me to keep going and have hope. Time Out For Women is tomorrow, and I am more than excited. Friends, hotel, dinner, spiritual boosts from amazing people, and time for me. That is so rare, and so needed.
Thanksgiving has also been another thing I have been anticipating. A nice break from the norm, getting away for a while, and time with family.
BUT, life happens, plans changed, and we will be on our own this year, in our own home. At first, I was pretty sad, but now I am excited thinking about how we are going to make it a very fun weekend. And I have done Thanksgiving dinner on my own several times now, so I look forward to making the food and doing it how we like it.
We have a lot of really fun plans for that weekend, including skiing, sledding, festival of the trees, Temple Square lights, movies, caramel apples, getting the Christmas tree, and more. I am very excited to have a weekend with our own little family, making traditions and relaxing together. It will all be ok.

Lesson #9
Find the lessons in the situation.
Feeling like you are going through something for nothing but pure torture, is too much for anyone to handle. Finding the lessons in life's ups and downs is vital for me. Applying those lessons is even more important.

And the list goes on, but I will stop there. Have I been a good student?

So there you have it. A few of the things this "wave" has taught me. Let's hope it is calm waters for a while now.

Monday, November 7, 2011

The Last 13 Days

Lets just say it went a little something like this.

Wednesday: Sam gets hit in the head with a golf club. Spends the night bawling and we are up all night wiping clear fluid from his ear and trying to get him comfortable. Sam can't sleep on that side of his head. (13 days later, he still can't)

Thursday: Ben's Birthday. Go to pediatrician, specialist and then to Primary Children's. Learn of Sam's skull fracture and serious injury to head and ear. Up all night Thursday night with Sam, who is in a lot of pain again.

Friday: Celebrate Ben's Birthday. Ben has a horrible allergic reaction to honey, breaks out in hives and swells up like a balloon. I am VERY sick and exhausted. Go to school Carnival, which turned out pretty fun. We are up several times in the night with Sam again. I am up several times, because I am sick.

Saturday: Sam has a high fever and is coughing. William has a horrid diaper rash. Both are miserable all day. Cancel adult only neighborhood Halloween party and spend a miserable evening with sick kids. My nausea gets worse by quite a lot. Up several times in the night fighting Sam's fever and cough.

Sunday: Not a good day. Have some not so good things come up to deal with emotionally. I am slammed on all levels now. William begins coughing. No church for anyone. Sam is STILL sick and is showing signs of hearing loss. I cry a lot all day out of exhaustion, frusteration and being so sick with morning sickness. William is up all night with a burning fever. Sam is up coughing. I throw up several times that evening.

Monday: Sam and William are sick. Mom is sick. Try to have a good Halloween. Day gets better as it goes. Sam goes to five houses and then gets too sick and spends trick or treating time on couch watching a show. (he watched almost 60 episodes of Dragon Tails in 13 days) Yup, this is a kid who I have to beg to just watch one show. Mom stays home with he and William.

Tuesday: Sam gets a horrible stomach ache. He goes diarrhea in his pants twice. Mom gets to clean it up. William is very sick with a fever and is coughing. Dad stays home to try to help. Up all night again with kids.

Wednesday: Mary starts running a fever. Sam's stomach ache is worse. William is coughing up mucus balls and choking on them. Mom is the most nauseated she has been so far in the pregnancy. Mom has several breakdowns again. Up all night with Mary, who hates medicine. Takes 2 hours to get meds in her. She finally eats a pill hidden inside a Snickers bar at 2:00AM.

Thursday: All three kids are home all day sick and miserable. So is mom. Mom has first baby appointment. Doctor is so kind and does an ultrasound. Get to see baby and hear heartbeat. Nothing more precious. Up all night again.

Friday: Kids show signs of being a little better. Mom is still crappy. Ben tries to help mom's declining emotional state by planning a dinner date. Date is wonderful. Come home to find out William cried the entire time. He is cutting three teeth. Pay babysitter extra. Up all night with Mary who now has a stomach ache and William whose mouth hurts.

Saturday: Kids finally seem well! Mom gets her hair done at a nice salon, and loves the change. She listens to Christmas music (a little early for her, but so needed) on the way there, and looks at the beautiful snow. She then treats her sick self and Mary to Costa Vida after getting Mary from gymnastics. Ben goes to a ski shop with the boys and meets all of the pros that he knows all about. He buys some goggles from one of them and then sees the pro wearing them in a video he shot earlier. Mary gets adorable gymnastics pictures with her team. Sam has energy and eats a meal for the first time in almost two weeks. Things are looking up, finally! Mom gets fever that night.

Sunday: Mom has fever and chills, sore throat and morning sickness, but demands that everyone goes to church. We had to get out of the house. Sacrament meeting was good, mom spends the other two hours trying to get a very sad William to stay in nursery. Mom takes a big nap after choir, house gets cleaned for the first time in weeks, we have a yummy dinner and the night ends well. Up 5 times in the night, because Sam's legs are killing him (growing pains).

Today: Kids are well, I am dealing with the nausea better now that I had a night of sleep (yes, compared to the other nights, getting up 5 times is considered good sleep now), and I think we are finally out of the woods. Now would be a good time to have the baby, I am very used to sleep deprivation.

I must say I learned a lot these past 13 days. I won't say that I am grateful for them yet, but I learned a lot about myself, my family, and truly helping those in need.

So, how was your last 13 days?

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Big Week

What a week. It is amazing that a week that was already planned to be big, became even bigger. Oh well, it's life I guess.

Ben turned the big 30 on the 27th. We planned to celebrate his Birthday the next day though, and it worked out well, because his actual birthday was spent at doctors offices and at Primary Childrens with Sam.

We spend a good part of that day worried and praying. Our prayers were answered, and we are so grateful that he is going to be ok in time and is home. He has some hearing loss that we are concerned about, but that will be checked out at a future appointment.

We celebrated the next day by giving Ben 30 gifts that he opened throughout the day.

A lot of them were letters from friends and loved ones, and he got some other fun things as well.
We made him a snowman cake (a plea to the snow Gods for Ben) and we went to dinner.

After dinner, it was off to the school Halloween Carnival. The kids had an absolute blast there. I remember going to one each year at my school when I was a kid, and it was a highlight for sure!

It was a day well spent, or at least, I think so. I am sure Ben had a good day.

He did have a weird allergic reaction to honey, right before he came home from work. He came home all swollen and broke out in hives. (no pun intended, hehehe)
It was really crazy and a little scary! We got him pumped full of Benedryl, and he was good to go that evening. So weird.

That night, Sam woke up with a very high fever and a nasty cough. He was up every hour the rest of the night, and has been very sick ever since. We are still battling the fever and his sore throat. Croup is the worst! That poor kid just can't seem to catch a break.

We were supposed to go to an adult only Halloween Party that evening. I had been looking forward to it all week and was so excited. The day turned into a disaster, and with Sam being sick, we just couldn't make it. I was pretty sad, but what do you do.

Halloween turned out to be pretty fun and low key this year. Because of the lack of sleep from being up with Sam, my morning sickness has been raging. I was very sick for Halloween. I normally do a really fun spooky dinner, but this time, we got a pumpkin pizza at Papa Murphey's. It was really nice actually, and may become a tradition.

The kids were beyond excited and took off and go trick or treating as soon as Ben got home. Sam made it down the street, and then was too sick to continue. So, I walked home with he and William, and we finished the night off watching Dragon Tails on the couch. Mary and Ben continued on and had a great time.

I forgot that we live in Utah and that there are a million kids here, and we ran out of candy within 1/2 hour. oops! I felt terrible turning off the light and locking the door, but what else was there to do. Next year I will buy at least 6 bags, instead of two.

Sam got a lot of candy earlier in the day at Walmart of all places. I guess you can trick or treat there. I just happened to go there to get some stuff, and we came home with a bucket full of candy. I am so grateful now, because Sam is happy and feels like he got lots of candy and had a good Halloween. Thank you Walmart.

William woke up sick this morning, and our dishwasher broke. We also had a bunch of lights burn out in our vaulted ceilings, and we thought a water pipe broke last night.

Some other issues also came up this weekend, that were very emotionally draining for me, and still are. I have been put in some awkward situations and have had my integrity questioned a lot.

It has been a pretty rough week around here to say the least. With morning sickness raging, it makes it all seem so much worse. I am glad that we had a Birthday and a holiday, so that the kids can have fun and hopefully not notice my struggles as a parent, spouse, homemaker, neighbor and friend.

Life goes on, and I am hoping for better times ahead. I do have my doctor appointment in two days, and I am getting my hair done on Saturday. (ready for a new look) Hopefully that will help me feel more alive and give me some fresh energy to keep going with.

Friday, October 28, 2011


For some people, the existence of angels is questionable. It is something that requires faith and maybe stepping out on a limb. I can understand this point of view.

For me however, I have never doubted that there are many, many individuals on the other side of the veil, that are constantly watching over us, and at times, making bold moves to protect us or warn us. This week, the angels were very near my little Sammy, and I am so grateful.

On Tuesday, as Sam was eating a bowl of frozen berries, I was reading a few things and cleaning the kitchen. I heard his spoon crash to the floor, and glanced over at him. He was completely blue and trying to get off the stool and over to me. He was choking.

So many things can go through the human mind in a few seconds at a time like this. My first thought was of worry. I was scared that by doing the heimlich maneuver, I would break his ribs. I also thought about when to call 911. I was also trying to remember first aid. I was scared out of my mind. As Sammy slowly slipped out of consciousness, I grabbed his little body and as soon as I pulled him off of the stool to begin first aid, the jerking motion helped him to swallow the strawberry that was lodged in his throat. To me, this was a miracle. It was a whole strawberry! That thing wasn't going anywhere without some divine intervention. I believe angels were near.

As Sam gasped for air, we both cried and I hugged my little boy a little tighter the rest of the day.

I wish I could say, that was the end of it, but it was only the beginning.

On Wednesday evening, I was just finishing up with Activity Days, and making sure all of the girls had a way to get home. Sam asked if he could play outside in our circle, and I said yes.

I wish I could say that I had some thought or premonition about him, but I didn't. I didn't think twice really.

A few minutes later, I heard Ben yell Sam's name. He was just pulling in the driveway after work. The yell didn't sound good. Ben came blasting through the door carrying Sam who was screaming his head off. Sam had blood dripping from his ear.

I am not a doctor, but I have 6 years of Sports Medicine studies in my brain, as well as a CNA certification. (that is now totally outdated) I know full well, that blood from the ear is a bad thing, a really bad thing.

Ben had found Sam running home screaming, and it looked like he had been hit by a construction truck that was parked in our circle. Ben and I were worried.

Sam eventually told us, through sobs, that he had been hit in the head with a golf club. It was an accident. The kid that hit him, is a very strong and very coordinated kid. The hit was hard.

Sam screamed and screamed and screamed. His ear bled and swelled. I soon saw that the blood was coming from a cut on his ear, not from inside his ear. That gave me some relief. Sam eventually went into shock, and again scared me to death. He was literally writhing on the couch in pain.

We called a doctor, who told us she couldn't give us info over the phone. It was after hours, and we really didn't think much could be done for an ear, so we just tried to help Sam, and eventually he calmed down and fell asleep.

This part kills me. I know better than this. What was I thinking! I let him fall asleep! My kid was just smashed in the head and he was sleeping. I can't believe I didn't think more about it. How many tests did I take about this. How many times were signs and symptoms of concussions drilled into my head. I was more concerned about his ear, and for some reason, I wasn't thinking much about a head injury. ugh

And then the clear fluid began dripping out. It dripped and dripped and dripped. Sam slept in our bed with us, and I had a napkin that I had to keep dabbing his ear with. Thank goodness, I did recognize this as a bad sign, and I knew more was wrong.

The next morning I took Sam to the doctor. She saw the clear fluid and the swelling of Sams ear, and then declared Sam's injury as an emergency and sent us to a specialist in Salt Lake. (yes, this all went down on Ben's Birthday). I had to pull Mary out of school early, and jet up to Salt Lake. Ben met us there. The specialist was booked solid, but got us in. He said that Sam's ear needed to be stitched, but it was too late now. Geeze. He also suspected a skull fracture, and possibly a bleed in the brain and sent us to Primary Childrens for a CAT scan. A bleed in the brain can be fatal and can slowly happen over a few days without many signs or symptoms.

I am sure you can guess the freak out going on in our heads as parents as this point.

We dropped Mary off at gymnastics and headed up to Primary Childrens. It took 30 minutes to get Sam to do the CAT scan. He was absolutely terrified of the machine. The technician tried everything to help him. Toys, bubbles, stickers, ect. The last resort was to sedate him, and we REALLY didn't want to do that. They finally had to strap him down to the bed. It was horrible. The killer, is that he had to be completely still. I prayed and prayed and prayed. And all of the sudden, Sam just calmed down and held still. Another miracle. More help for unseen sources.

A few minutes later the specialist called us and gave us the lowdown.
No bleeding in the brain!!!! I can't describe the relief.
Sam's skull is very bruised and he has a hairline fracture to his skull as well.
Because the fracture was small, we were able to come home with Sam, with strict orders for him to lay low and be careful. (not easy for a 4 year old boy)

Although, it is a very serious injury for my little boy, I feel that we were blessed. It could have been so much worse. There is no reason it wasn't worse. I know that Sam was protected this week in so many ways. Prayers are answered and angels exist.

Today we are celebrating Ben's Birthday, and we are all walking a little lighter knowing that Sam is going to be ok.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

First Date

Mary and I had our first date this week. It was Mary's idea, and I wish it would have been mine. I had no idea how much this one evening would mean to my little girl.

The boys went on a date of their own, and got some yummy ice cream and then went to a friends house to visit and play.

Mary and I headed to her favorite store. Justice For Girls. We blasted Taylor Swift in the car on the ride over, and sang about as loud as we could. This store is one I found a few months ago, and I knew it has Mary's name written all over it. It is pretty much a store made for girls her age. It is so girly and spunky that it makes me laugh. Mary is not a big shopper, but when she goes in this store, she goes nuts. She was so excited to be on a date with me and to be in the store, that she all of the sudden became really talkative. It was great. It took a long time for her to narrow down what she wanted, to three things. I have a feeling Santa will be spending some time at that store as well.

Mary is not quiet at home, but for those of you who know her, she does not say much to most people. And she hardly says a word to strangers. Her gymnastics coach still can't get more than a few words out of her, and she is with her 12 hours a week.

I let her pick out a few things, and when we got to the register, the clerk started talking to Mary. To my absolute shock, Mary held a conversation with her, and she didn't even look shy!!! I guess the excitement of the moment over rode her fear. I was the one who was speechless.

On our way out of the store, Mary stopped mid-step in the parking lot and said, "Oh wow. I don't think I have ever talked to someone like that so much in my entire life. I am so embarrassed!" I cracked up and told her that it was a good thing and that she should try talking more often. She just giggled and we went on our way, hand in hand.

Next, it was off to the movie. Mary really wanted to see Dolphin Tale, so that is where we went. I let her get a kids meal, which is a VERY rare treat. She was thrilled! I just took my zofran and had to call it good. But oh man, did I want those nachos. Maybe next trimester.

Before the movie, Mary wrote in her new journal (that she got at Justice For Girls). She loves journals, and she wanted to write about our date. She drew some cute pictures and wrote in the date and a few things about how much fun it was. I was again shocked with how much this date meant to her.
The movie was awesome. My and my pregnancy hormones had a great time boobing away, and Mary couldn't get over how cool the dolphin was.

The movie ended late, so it was time to head home after it was over. We beat the boys home, so Mary and I decided to look up "Winter the dolphin" (from the movie) on the computer. While we were looking at the pictures Mary slipped a necklace over my head. It was one half of the best friend necklace I bought her that evening. She was going to give it to one of her friends. Instead, I am the lucky one. She gave me a big hug and thanked me for the date. She said it was the best night ever. What a precious moment for this lucky mommy.

Even though the necklace is too small (so it is basically a choker), hot pink and changes colors with my mood, I wear it every day, and every once in a while, Mary will come up to me and match her half to mine and smile.

I think more dates are in store, for all of my kids. It was sure a special night.

Oh, how I love my little girl.

(cut me some slack, I am still sick, just look at the cute girl I am hugging instead)

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Cornbelly's (and a tidbit about zofran)

A friend here in our neighborhood decided to head up a "field trip" to Cornbelly's for anyone in the neighborhood who wanted to go.

We have never been there before, so I figured it would be similar to a pumpkin patch. Cute, fun, small, and good for the kids. Seeing that the kids have been more that patient with me being so sick and boring, I decided to add our name to the list, and give them something to do for 1/2 a day.

Little did I know where we were going. This place was incredible!
It is located at Thanksgiving Point, and it is HUGE. It was nothing close to the cute little pumpkin patch I was envisioning. This place felt to me like a massive carnival full of fall stuff.

There were a few adult size corn mazes, and one for children as well. There were several different areas with play areas full of slides, tunnels, swings, hay towers, and so on.

There were three jumping pillows (a favorite for my kids),

rubber duck races (another favorite for Sam),

a hay maze,

a haunted house, hay rides, train rides, a puppet show, pig and goat races, and tons more. We spent 3 1/2 hours there, and we still didn't see it all. I guess we will just have to go back.

My kids had an absolute blast there! It was so great to see them so happy.

It was my second day on Zofran, so I was feeling pretty good myself. Yes, the zofran is working! I feel human again. I do get horrible cramps from it, about every hour or so, and they get really bad and leave me curled in a ball on the floor, or doubled over in pain, but hey, I will take them over nausea any day. I still can't eat sugar without getting sick, but I have a handle on that now too, and I am getting used to my very bland diet, I think. Overall, I am more than thrilled to not feel like I just got off a roller coaster every second of the day. I consider it a big blessing and a tender mercy. OK, back to Cornbelly's.

At one point during the day, I was talking to some friends and watching William play with something. I turned to make sure Sam was ok for a few seconds, and when I turned back, William was gone. I stayed calm for about 1 minute, and then the panic set in. There were literally hundreds of kids there (bus loads to be exact), and the place is gigantic. I told my friends he was lost, and got them in on the search. After a few more minutes (which feels like an hour when your kid is missing), I really freaked out. I started yelling for him and running around. The tears also came. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, but was probably only 5 minutes, I saw his little blonde head peek out from a barn close to where I was. He had gone in there, sat down in the corner and was eating a piece of corn on the cob he found. I think I hugged him until he couldn't breathe once I got to him. He had no clue he was even lost, or that his corn on the cob was probably hours old and covered with dirt. It probably took me 1/2 an hour to calm down after that. *shudder*
I truly will have no problem putting tracking systems inside of my children, once it is invented. Sheesh.

On our way out, the kids were able to pick one pumpkin to bring home. After a 15 minute search, I honestly think they found the biggest one there. It took all three of us to get it into the car. I am sure we were quite the sight.

The sun is in their eyes, but they were so excited about this pumpkin. It now sits on our porch, absolutely dwarfing all of our other pumpkins sitting there. The kids named it "King Pumpkin."

The temperature was perfect and we didn't even need our jackets. It was so nice to get out of the house, into the sun, and to have some fun. My kids came home happy and rejuvenated.

It was a great "field trip" for all of us, and a definite place to return to each fall.

Monday, October 17, 2011


Lets face it, my desire to blog has plunged. Not because I don't like blogging, but because I don't feel like it.

In fact, I don't feel like doing anything aside from going into a coma for the rest of this trimester.

Yup, the nausea blahs have hit, and they have hit hard. Boo.

I have been so sick the past few weeks, that I have actually become a little depressed on the really bad days. Hooray for me. I don't vomit, but I am so nauseated that it is just as bad. I have had a pregnancy where I threw up all day before, and believe me, it is terrible, but this truly is just as terrible. And no, I am not proud of it. I wish it wasn't the case.

I was sick with Mary's pregnancy and the pregnancy of the baby we lost. I was not sick with Sam and William. I have seen both worlds. I was hoping for the better world this time. Oh well, at least I know it will end when the first trimester does.

I have figured a few things out with my nutrition that seem to help a little. I noticed that sugar makes everything worse. Sugar in any form. Milk, sweets, certain breads, some drinks, crackers, some "healthy" cereals, ect.

My diet has dramatically changed. I don't eat a lot of treats anyway, but I have had to look at the sugar in everything, not just treats. I had to get a milk that has almost no sugar in it (only good with cereal, believe me), I only eat Wheaties or grape nuts for breakfast, or toast (bread with no sugar), butter and sugar free jam.

I also have to eat every hour. This is key, or I really get sick. I noticed that meat helps, so I eat plain lunch meat like candy. So gross, I know, but it helps. Bean burritos have become my new staple as well. Oh, and I could seriously drink Taco Bell's mild sauce. I normally don't like that place. But right now....Yummy!

I guess if I can't work out for the next few weeks (makes me very sick), I will at least be eating super healthy. I have already lost weight from the no sugar thing, but that is not a good thing when pregnant I guess. I am not trying to lose weight right now, but I did take note that the no sugar thing could be good for future use, like trying to lose the fun after baby weight.

My doctor called in a prescription for Zofran today. I don't have much hope in Zofran, because it didn't work for me the one other time I took it, but maybe I will have better luck this time. The one other time I took it, the whole pergnancy was going south, I just didn't know it yet. So maybe this time will be different. I am up for anything, just to get some relief in any form.

Enough with the gripes, and onto the reason for the post. I have decided to give a quick update on the happenings around here, because I am too late to give them their own post, and I really want to get to the store and get that zofran.

It is kind of jumbled, but here it is.

I am 7 weeks pregnant. Aside from the sickness, I still am very happy and excited. We all are. We told the kids last week, and it was really fun to see their excitement as well. Mary asks me all the time when my tummy will get big, when we will know the gender, when the baby will come, and so on. It is cute. Sam just asks when I won't be sick anymore, he is so soft hearted and he has been very concerned.

We set up our Halloween decor. around the house and on the porch. The costumes are done and we are in the halloween spirit.

Mary was moved up to level 4 in gymnastics. We have been going back and forth with this for months. It is a big decision and a huge commitment for Mary. A lot of thought, prayer and talking with coaches went into it. We decided to go for it, and Mary started level 4 last week. She absolutely loves it! She has already improved a lot and she is enjoying the challenge of learning new tricks and routines. She is learning a new tumbling pass that has her very excited. She is in the gym three days a week for 4 hours at a time. Somehow, when she comes home after gymnastics she is still full of energy and is bouncing all over the house. She is back with the girls that she was with last year and she is loving being with them again. They are very close, and they are older, so they treat Mary like a little sister (in a loving way).
It feels good to have made the decision, and to see that it was the right one.

Bens 30th Birthday is next week. I have some fun plans in store, lets just hope I am feeling better, so I can put them into action.

Sam started preschool two weeks ago. It is a program that the High School does. It is the first year they have done it, because the High School is new. Sam is having a great time, and I have been very impressed! It is very organized and the students take it seriously. I am so glad that Sam has something like this before he starts kindergarten next year.

Mary has been off track the past three weeks, so we have done some fun things. We did a scavenger hunt with a bunch of other friends and had a great time! The fall colors are gorgeous right now, and it was fun to walk around in them during the hunt. We have also done a bike parade with the neighborhood families, which was so cute and fun. We have made trips to the library, trips to the mountains, and lots of trips to the park. We got a Wii last week, and that is proving to be a saving grace for me right now. We have time limits for the kids (they can play when I can't function anymore). It works out great.

Aside from that, we are just doing our thing. Next week starts the beginning of our holiday season in our house. It is go time from there. Let the games begin!

Thanksgiving will be the beginning of my second trimester. That is the day I am longing for and counting down to. I am hoping to celebrate it with a big, fat, sugar filled, piece of pumpkin pie and no sickness to follow it. A girl can dream right.

Monday, October 10, 2011


There is a reason why I am a little slower to wake and a little faster to go to bed.

There is a reason why it is 11:00am and I am still in my pj's.

There is a reason why I suddenly can't stand chicken, and could eat steak for breakfast.

There is a reason why I tear up when reading Mary her book about Spot, the lost dog.

There is a reason why my pants are feeling a little snug.

There is a reason why I have a smile on my heart all the time.

There is a reason why in a span of 10 minutes I can laugh, cry, get really upset, feel really happy, and then want to puke.

There is a reason why I eat every hour. (at least I have a reason now)

There is a reason why I haven't dusted the house or cleaned the bathrooms in...(um, I am not going to say).

There is a reason why our grass is long enough now, that it is blowing in the wind. I wonder if there is a tiger lying somewhere in there. And maybe a zebra or two.

There is a reason why I can smell EVERYTHING. Super nose is back.
Williams diapers almost kill me, perfume makes me gag, I could swear the church smelled just like pumpkin pie yesterday, and I know the exact deoderant the dude next to me on the treadmill was wearing on Saturday.

There is a reason those 6 mile runs with my friends in the evening are getting harder and harder and feel longer and longer.

There is a reason why I thought I was going to die at exercise group today, even when we were just stretching!

There is a reason why I feel like I just ate a Big Mack and then rode a roller coaster, every second of the day.

There is a reason that I am REALLY excited.

Yup, the prego bug has hit. I have a bun in the oven. It will be done on June 4th, or close to that date.

It is my Birthday, Williams Birthday, the date we lost a baby, and my due date. (insert twilight zone music here)

Nope, the date was not planned at all. We are still wondering if it is a good or bad thing.
Half of our family sharing the same will be like Christmas in June!

No matter when the baby comes, we are very happy and excited to add one more precious child to our family (and most likely the last).

As has been the case since a few pregnancies ago, I am naturally very nervous about keeping this baby through the whole pregnancy. I have pretty big fears, but I also have hope and peace. The Lord has it from here, and I have to trust that.

And so the cat is out of the bag. Wish us luck and a quick end to nausea.


Thursday, September 29, 2011


I haven't slept in three nights.
Well, lets be honest. I did get about 2 hours of sleep last night. That was nice.

I have never in my life heard of Hand Food and Mouth Disease..(HFMD). Now I know.

William has it.
Mary has is.
Sam has it.

And I spent last night barfing (the symptoms that adults get), so I guess I have it too.

Mary and Sam aren't really that bad. They just had some sores in their mouths and Mary had a headache for a few days. They are good to go now. At the time, I had no idea that they could actually be sick, I thought they just had some cankers in their mouths. Go me.

William is a whole other story. I cannot belive how sick he has been. It is horrible!
The doctor said he has over 20 open sores in his mouth. (tongue, cheeks, roof of mouth, throat, lips)

He also has little blisters on his hands and feet. He has an awful rash on his little chubby bum as well.

And did I mention the fever, and that he is getting his bottom molars?

Because of the sores, Willam hasn't been able to eat or drink a bottle. Therefore, he cannot sleep. He can't even close his mouth all the way, because it is too painful. He just drools all over his shirts. He wore four different shirts yesterday.

The poor kid just cries and cries and cries. He cried until he lost his voice the other night. He gets so upset with the pain that he will grab his hair and yell, or he will run himself into things while crying. It is so, so sad. Motrin and Tylenol don't seem to help.

He is starving, and he walks around the kitchen pointing to food and begging for it. I will give it to him and he will put it in his mouth. He will try to chew it, but he will then scream and spit it out. It makes me cry to watch this. ugh.

We tried popsicles, pudding, yogurt, and everything in between, but he just can't do it.

And then today happened.

William ate two pancakes! He cried while he ate them, but he ate them. And then he ate mac and cheese for lunch! He has since been sleeping for 3 hours and I am praying that he stays asleep. He is exhausted.

The end is in sight! I must say, that aside from Swine Flu, this is one of the most nasty bugs I have seen my child have. I hope to never repeat this again.


Monday, September 26, 2011

Mud, Water, Snow, Hay, Tunnles, Walls, FUN!

Saturday was the Dirty Dash 10K. My family came up for this dirty event, and stayed with us. Needless to say, we had an awesome weekend.

The Dirty Dash was in Midway, UT. The place was packed! There were hundreds and hundreds of people everywhere. Very muddy people, I might add. The costumes were endless and the event was awesome.

Our team (team name "Easy Street") start time was 11:00.

Right from the start, you run up a very muddy hill. My two brothers, immediately got in front of our team, and then proceeded to kick and throw mud all over us as we ran up the hill. We couldn't let that slide by, so we started off the race with a big mud fight. I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe, and we were completely covered in mud.

It only got better from there. We threw each other into the huge mud puddles, and then helped each other scale the slippery mud walls, to get back out. We ran and slid on our bellies during random parts of the race. My brothers did front hand springs over the hay bales, and we kind of ran/laughed/and slid ourselves through the race.

Some of the obstacles were nuts! My favorite one was a bunch of walls we had to climb over. Some of them were too tall, so we had to squish ourselves under them, with our entire body in a mud puddle. During this, there was a snow machine blowing snow onto us. It was blowing really hard, and it felt like we were in an absolute blizzard with really strong winds. It was so crazy!

We went down a huge water slide, crawled through tunnels, with another snow machine blowing snow through the tunnels and blocking our vision, we waded through a swampy, smelly, muddy, nasty lake, we ran through tires, climbed a huge rope wall, did a rope swing, hurdled over several hay bales, and so much more.

We just laughed and laughed and laughed. And we got MUDDY! Most of the time, we had a hard time knowing who was who, because were were completely brown. We had some moments of mud clots in the ears, mud in the contacts, a tweaked knee, and some scrapes and bruises, but overall, we had so much fun.

The kids and my parents were able to meet up with us at the water slide and get some pictures. Mary and Sam didn't quite know what to think of it all. William bawled when he saw us. I am sure I would be worried too, if my dad was wearing a dress, my mom was wearing a shirt with Edwards face on the front, and they were covered head to toe in mud. ;)

We ended the event swimming through a huge mud puddle. It was our last mud fight.

After the Dirty Dash, Mary participated in the Piglet Plunge. I wasn't sure how she would handle it, but she laughed the whole time. She loved getting all muddy and going through the big water slide. Her race was one mile, and she did really well. She was a good sport!

The freezing showers at the end were a killer, and the drive home in cold, muddy clothes wasn't the best, but once we got home, showered (and only got about 2/3 of the mud off) we were all laughing about it once more.

It was my sister Kelsey's Birthday, so we went out to dinner and had a yummy Cold Stone Birthday Cake at our house afterwards.

The next morning was the Primary Program. We had colored the kids hair (and ours) for the dirty dash, and not all of it came out. Poor William was sporting black and pink polka dot hair at church. Ben had a nice black stripe going down the back of his head. I didn't have any more color in my hair, but I still had dirt in my ears and under my fingernails.

The Primary Program was adorable. Mary did great with her speaking part, and Sam participated from the audience in his own way. It was so nice to have my family there to watch them. They were also able to go to Sunday School where Ben was teaching. It was nice to have them there to support and to participate in the lesson.

Everyone left after church (and a yummy dinner) and we all crashed for a while before spending the evening at a friends house.

It was a wonderful, dirty weekend!

I love having my family here and I am so grateful that we live close enough now that we can have experiences like this and be together more often. I really missed things like this when we lived so far away.

The Dirty Dash is definitely something that needs to become a tradition. It was so much fun!