My Reasons

My Reasons

This Is Where It All Begins

This Is Where It All Begins

Thursday, January 31, 2013

here we go

I scream, you scream, we all scream for Poop!  


A few weeks ago, after a trip to the store, I decided to take the three boys to PetSmart to look at the animals.

We roamed all over the store, with the boys blasting from one creature to the next, and I grabbed some things for our possibly pregnant guinea pig, Marsha.  :)

And then we discovered the cats.  William all the sudden forgot about everything else. He peered into the cat cages, talked softly to the kittens, and was completely engrossed in them.  It was amazing.

There was one cat in particular that he seemed to bond with.  The lady at the store let William hold the cat.  The cat loved William and William loved the cat.  It was adorable. The bond was adorable, not the cat.  This cat had been abandoned, hit by a car, and had its tail chopped off.  It was all black and grey and spotted and grumpy.  I have no idea why William took to this particular cat. 

When it was time to put the cat back, William and the cat both cried, and cried and cried.

As I was buckling the kids back into the car, I noticed that William was missing.  I happened to glance in the direction of the store just as William was entering it.

I ran back to the store, and found William once again, sitting in front of the cat cages, holding the cat that the employee gave him again.  I let William give the cat a few more loves, and the we had to put it back. The cat was crying to William and reaching for him, and William was crying for the cat.  It was truly heart breaking.  William kept on saying, "Kitty cat sad, Kitty cat come to William's house."

This time, the employee let me know, kindly, that the cat was already fixed, house trained, up to date on shots, and the adoption fee was very small.  I was too flustered with a bawling William, and a baby and Sam in the car, to think much about it, but something in my soft heart did click a little, and the cat looked so sad.

I drove a sobbing William home and tried to console him as best as I could.  I later called Ben and told him about it. 

Needless to say, my extremely soft heart for lonely animals, my very soft heart for my children, and through some logical thinking on Ben's part, we came home from our Family Home Evening to the Pet Store, a few days later, with a cat.

A VERY cute, cuddly, easy tempered, already fixed, already house trained, 9 month old, cat. 

We didn't get the original cat that William fell in love with, it ended up not being a family cat, and William actually wanted a different one when we went back anyway.  We got a very cute, fluffy, family friendly  cat.

The kids named her Penny.

We have had her for two weeks, and she has turned out to be a great pet! She loves to snuggle with anyone that will pet her, and she is very patient with the younger kids.  I have really enjoyed having a furry companion walking around the house and giving me loves here and there.  She doesn't cause any trouble, she is quiet, and is extrememly low maintenance.

The kids really love her, and take great care of her.  Mary feeds her and cleans out the litter box every day.

I guess that is the main reason we are ok with having animals in our home.  It teaches the kids responsibility, love for God's creations, as well as bringing fun and love into the home.

Welcome Penny!

Thursday, January 17, 2013

can we say co-pay

I took Luke to his 6th doctor's appointment this month today.  It was a checkup for his oxygen and for his ears.

The Dr. Dave listened to Luke's lungs, and got a big grin on his face.  He said Luke's lungs sounded even better than he had hoped for!  Yay.  Even Luke seemed to recognize the good news, because he was babbling and smiling at everyone.
It was the first time in over a month that Luke's breathing relaxed when he did. Yes!

Even though we already gave the oxygen back to home health, (because we knew Luke was done with it) the doctor gave us his ok to be done with it as well.  Awesome!
That was the good news.

The bad news was the Luke's ears are STILL full of fluid after two different treatments, and 20 days, of antibiotics!  The doc. is worried about more infection in Luke's body and the chance of anything spreading, so he is trying another antibiotic for the next 10 days, and guessed it, we go back in again to get his ears checked.

 I might as well just start up an automatic withdrawal for co-pays with Dr. Dave.  I am extremely grateful for insurance though, and I don't take it for granted.

So, there is a big sigh of relief that Luke has beat pneumonia, but also a bit of a worry about what is going on with his ears.

He has also cut three teeth with two more on the way.  Poor Luke is going through bottles of Tylenol and Ibuprofen like his momma goes through chocolate and cinnamon bears. Go Luke Go!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013


Giddy, is the only word to describe how I feel every single time I drive by our home. I actually got the shivers from being so excited today, when I drove by and saw that the roof is almost all done!


Of course, there must be a story behind the pictures, and the moment.  And this time was no different.  I ran out of gas while taking the pictures.

Yes siree.  The car gave its final chug and died, mid click and flash.

Thankfully, I happened to be parked somewhat close to the one family in our ward where we know their home is currently located.

I drug my humiliated feet over to their house, knocked on the door, and sheepishly described my situation. Taking pictures, ran out of gas, kids in car, kind of FREEZING outside, and on and on and on.

Without skipping a beat, he got in his truck, drove to the gas station, filled up his gas tank container, and came back to us just as we began to get really cold.

People in this town are amazing!  This family in particular is one of our favorites so far.  Good thing we will be living very close to them. 

Anyway, the day was saved, I was humbled and kind of ticked off that our gas gage does not work, and I was off on how many miles I had left.  But alas, I got the picture taken, filled up the gas tank on the way home, and the night goes on.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

meet martha

Blame it on the weather, or the mild case of the crazies we are all experiencing, or the the post-holiday slums, or whatever it may be, but we decided one day that two guinea pigs just wasn't enough.

Nope, we needed more.  And the cheapest way to get more guinea pigs, was to buy a girl. (we have two boys).  I will let you put the pieces together.

So, I hopped on KSL and began the search.  Finding a guinea pig on KSL is no small thing.  They sell so fast, you literally have to catch them within hours of being posted, or you are out of luck.

It took me three days to find her, but I finally got ahold of someone who still had the pig around. 

She is the cutest, most poofy, guinea pig I have ever seen.  She is adorable!
The two pigs we already have are named Oreo and Cinnamon. 
We decided that this one looks like a big puffy marshmallow, so we named her Marsha.

At first we just put all of the guinea pigs together, to get to know eachother.  Marsh was brought in via a grand carriage ride. Thank you Mary.

I don't know what I was expecting, but I sure wasn't expecting the insane hormone raging, testosterone battle of the century that ensued between Oreo and Cinnamon.  Poor Marsha didn't even know what hit her.  It was a big bum smelling festival followed by some other things, that had my kids spouting out questions faster than you can say sex-ed.

I quickly scooped up all three guinea pigs and separated them into their cages.  Boys in one, Marsha in the other.

They have gotten better since then, and the kids LOVE have all three to play with now.  I still try to only have one boy out with Martha at a time though. Geesh!

Can anyone say guinea pig breeding!

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

townhome living

There are a lot of reasons I sometimes wish I could be a bird.  To be able to fly, soar, see things from a different perspective, and so on.  But there is one thing that tops them all... they fly away during the winter.

Oh, what I wouldn't give to grab my little flock and fly away to some place warm. Some place where my kids could roam free, explore the world around them, get all of their wiggles out OUTSIDE, and to feel the warmth on our faces.  A place where the flowers are in full bloom, the smell of freshly mowed grass lingers in the air, where sprinklers can be heard and the world is full of light and warmth.

I do like having all four seasons.  I would not want to live somewhere without all of the seasons.  I love the magic of the first snowfall, the white Christmas', sledding, hot chocolate, bundling up, and building snowmen.  I just wish it was less long, thats all...a lot less long.

The older I get, the harder winter is on me.

Correction:  The more children I have, the harder winter is on me.  And this townhome living is not helping.

Don't get me wrong, we were extremely blessed to find this place, (and we live above the disgusting inversion, so we do get sun) and it is a very nice townhome. Granite countertops, stainless steel appliances, wood floors, newly painted, and so on. The month to month rent is nothing short of a miracle. Like I said, huge blessing.

The layout of the place is just so ridiculous.  There are 37 stairs. Both bathrooms are on the top floor. Um, yeah, what on earth!?!? 

When you open the front door, you have to go straight up the stairs to the main living area.  The room on the bottom floor, is just a big ol' room that is good for nothing.  We dumped all of the kids toys there as well as some of our storage and the guinea pigs...yup, they are still around, are you proud of us?

The main floor is nice, but small, considering 6 of us live here.

The top floor is all of the bedrooms and both bathrooms.  Did I mention that both bathrooms are on the top freakin' floor!  Boo!

I am basically marching up and down stairs all day long.  And the levels are so small, that if the kids get out more than a few toys, the place looks trashed.  My wonderful type A personality cannot handle that at all.  I think I have tripped on at least three toys a day since we have been here.And everyone except for Luke has fallen down the stairs.  I clean ALL DAY LONG, and basically feel that I accomplish a whole lot of nothing.  Awesome.

Are you sick of my complaining yet?  Well, hold on, there's more.

The kids are stuck inside. It is winter, of course they are.  The cramped quarters, the freezing temps and the constant mess in the house have gotten to all of us.  The kids are struggling for space and freedom from eachother, and their patience with eachother gets thinner every day.  I find myself counting to 10 way more than I should be, and at times, I have made it to 20, and other times, I don't count...yikes!

Lack of sports is also a big one.  We are waiting until we get into our home, before we start up any sports with the kids.  Our kids are extremely active, so this is rough on everyone.  Rock climbing at the gym is helping though.  I think I may just burn the TV by the time winter is over and we are out of this place.

All of our stuff is crammed in the garage, so the car remains outside.  The heater in the Pathfinder does not work unless you are going 70 or faster, so each morning I take Mary to school, I get to load up all of the kids into the giant freezer of a car, scrape the windshield, and we all get to shiver the whole way to the school and back.  Oh, I can't wait for my kids to be able to ride the bus, when we move into our new house.  It will save me three trips a day to the school and back.  Yes!

I drive by our house we are building at least once a day now, and just dream.  I feel like a dog with this big, juicy bone just out of my reach, and I am going nuts for it.  They are doing the framing this week, and it is awesome to see our house come up out of the ground and take shape. 

We will be moving in the first of April.  SPRING!  Space, a new house, space, spring, warmth, flowers, space, kids outside playing, living next to neighbors and friends that we know and can chat with, space, kids riding the bus,  and did I mention space.

I am trying to live in the moment, but all I can seem to think about is living in our new home, the kids playing outside in the yard with the neighborhood friends, sunshine, and sports.  It sounds so wonderful that I can hardly stand it sometimes.

Until then, townhome living is ours.  We may kill eachother in the process, and I may just flip a lid, but hey, we will survive. It could be worse, so much worse.

Townhome living is for the birds...NOT!

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

soft hearted me

I have a soft heart.  This should come as no surprise to those who know me.  It can be a good thing, and it can also be a not so good thing, depending on how you look at it.

When I was little, I had HUGE feelings for my stuffed animals and toys.   I was sure they were real, and I just felt bad for them whenever I left or whenever they looked like they were uncomfortable.  Toy story three is a horrible show for me.
 I ALWAYS felt bad for animals, and still do.  I cannot stand going to any kind of adoption place or shelter, because my heart breaks into a million pieces.  Stray cats I saw on the road, a bird hit by a car, and so on, would just make me feel awful, and it still does.
  In fact, when we lived in California, we drove up on a bird that had been hit.  I freaked out until Ben turned around, we grabbed the bird and brought it home.  It died that night, and I felt bad. I think Ben was relieved.
When I was younger, after a rain storm, I would run outside and try to save all of the worms before they dried up.  I would never smash a spider, and when my dog had 10 puppies, I placed the runt of the litter in my room in my dolls bed and bottle fed it.  It passed away, and I still have the picture I drew of it with big dried tear stains on it, in my journal.

I get a huge pit in my stomach when I see homeless people.  Normally I will give them any food I may have on me, or a few bucks, but there are also the few times I am too scared, and I just drive by.  I end up thinking about them for the rest of the day though, and feeling horrible for them.

I went to Ecuador in 2001 and spent four months helping in the orphanages there.  I cried and cried and cried for those beautiful, innocent children.  And no matter how many hugs I gave, how many meals I fed them or how much love I gave, my heart just broke.  I wanted to adopt them all.  I left a piece of my heart in Ecuador the day tearfully got on the plane and flew back home, and that piece remains with those children to this day. Those children were ingrained into my heart, and have never left.

I had big plans on becoming a nurse, so in high school, I got my CNA.  During my nursing home rotations, I would just feel terrible for the elderly people that had no visitors.  I would sneek into their rooms often and just talk to them, or with them.  My heart just broke for them.

I ended up going into Sports Medicine instead of nursing.   Either way, I LOVE the medical field and helping people. 

I have to force myself not to look too much in natural disasters, or stories of shooters killing people, because it will effect me for days.  I always end up looking anyway, and crying for the loss and hurt of  many people must be feeling.

Another thing about me, is that I am an introvert.  This, mixed with a soft heart can be confusing.  I see people, and I feel for them and want to help, but I also worry about stepping on people's toes or getting in the way.

One of my resolutions this year, is to let my soft heart work for the good, and do something about the feelings I feel. Not just feel them and be too scared to do anything about it.

This morning, was my first time doing this, this year. 
Yesterday, as I drove past our house that we are building, I saw all of those guys out there framing it.  It was COLD!  The temps have been hovering below or around freezing for a few weeks now.  I saw those guys, working so incredibly hard, and I felt terrible for them.
I know it is their job, and we are paying them.  They are probably used to working in this weather, and don't expect much, but I haven't been able to get them off my mind.

So, this morning I baked 20 cinnamon rolls, placed them on paper plates, loaded the kids in the car, blasted the heater on the cinnamon rolls to keep them warm, and drove to our house on the way to taking Mary to school.

I was NERVOUS!  I know, I know, no big deal.  But it was to me.  What if they think I am weird.  What if no one is there.  What if the cinnamon rolls are doey (is that even a word) and I become a joke to them.  What if I make someone sick...and so on.

But, I drove up to the house anyway.  There were three workers huddled in a little pick up truck, trying to get some warmth from the heater.  They were waiting for the rest of the crew to arrive.  I pulled up next to them, and motioned for them to come to the car.  They looked like little kids caught doing something bad.  I wonder if they thought I was going to complain.

I thanked them for working on our home in this miserable weather, and told them to take the cinnamon rolls and share them with the other guys when they got there.  They had these sheepish grins on their faces and thanked me a bunch.

I drove away feeling awkward, but I also felt proud of myself for acting on my feelings of sympathy and wanting to do some good.  Their grins on their faces made it all worth it.

So there it is, thing one...done!  Go Becky go.

the scooter and the box

Sam's big gift this year for Christmas was a motor scooter.  He has been asking for one for six months.  On Christmas day, we hid (uh, I mean Santa hid) the motor scooter in another room.

When Sam received his last gift to open, and it was a tiny little box, I could see his little heart drop and his face droop.  He knew there was no way a big motor scooter could fit in a box smaller than his little hand.

We watched as he opened the box and his face fell even more as he pulled out a note.  He looked at me with his big, sad blue eyes and said, "It is just a piece of paper."  He wasn't angry, or mad.  He just sounded sad and disappointed.  Even though I knew what it was, I still felt bad for him.

Then we read the note.  It was a cute poem that basically told him to go to the other room.
Sam's face went from sad, to confused, to complete elation!  He threw the box down and literally ran so fast to the room that he skidded out as he fell over all of the wrapping paper blocking his path.  He threw open the door and there it was!  His motor scooter, covered in bows, ribbons, and magic dust from Santa.  Sam's jaw dropped and he was speechless.  The moment was priceless.

From that day on, once the roads cleared, Sam has ridden his motor scooter every day.  No matter the freezing temperatures outside.

But that has not been the only source of fun.  The box ended up bringing hours of fun and giggles as well.  I love how creative kids can be. needed!

Luke had his 5th doctor's appointment in 8 days yesterday.  I had noticed that he seemed a litte bit better on Sunday, so I had high hopes for this appointment.  I wasn't disappointed.

Luke is now on oxygen as needed!  After 6 days of 24/7 oxygen, this was wonderful news.  He still drops a little low without oxygen, but it is not in the scary levels anymore.  Hooray!  We have to keep the oxygen near by for the next two weeks.

His right lung is mostly clear now, but his left lung (the one with the pneumonia in it) is still pretty full of infection and mucus.  It wasn't much better, but it wasn't any worse, so hopefully that means the infection has stopped spreading, and things will only get better from here.  We are keeping our fingers crossed, but heeding the doctors warnings to not get too comfortable yet. Things can go south fast.

His ears are another story.  After one full treatment of antibiotics, they are still infected and full of fluid.  Not good. 

So, because of this, and the pneumonia, he is on another 10 day round of antibiotics.

Luke still is a lot more lethargic than normal, and we are trying to work his appetite back up (he has lost one pound so far), but he seems happier over all and he has some of his adorable personality back.  He smiles a lot more and as discovered his toys are fun to play with again.

The doctor said we have another two weeks of touch and go, and a month before he is in the clear, but at least we think the worst is over.

I feel a lot more at peace now, and can tell the the power of prayer and fasting is taking a direct result in Luke's recovery.  We are so appreciative of everyone that has sent prayers Luke's way, and who fasted for him this last week.  His big turn-around was Sunday evening, and the quiet whisperings in my heart told me that it was an answer to so many prayers and fasting that day, and up to that point.

Ben gave Luke a blessing when this all started, and in that blessing he mentioned that this illness was bigger than Luke and bigger than all of us.  It would take help from above to overcome this one.  I know that the help from above has come, and in no small part due to so many of you.

So THANK YOU!  Once again, I have seen what love and support can do to help a soul in need, and it truly is miraculous.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

yup, it's 1:04am...

but I am wide awake and my adrenaline is pumping.

Luke had another mucus plug tonight. I think that should be made a swear word.  It makes me cringe every time I hear it. I am not sure if I mentioned what that was in the last post, so sorry if this is a repeat explanation.  It is where the mucus in the lung is so thick that it plugs an airway, and the air can't pass in or out of it, and the lung begins to collapse a little.  If it is a small airway, it can't be a major lung collapse, but still, it isn't good.  If it is a major airway that is blocked, it can be a full lung collapse.  So far, Luke's mucus plugs have been in the small airways, which is a blessing, I guess?? I am sure he would beg to differ.

Last time, Luke didn't get it out until he was blue and gray and in the ER. His lung did collapse a teeny tiny bit (as seen on the x-ray), but no lasting or permanent harm was done.  I am sure it doesn't feel to good for Luke though, and I know it didn't feel good at the time.

Tonight, Luke got it up here at home on his own, thank heavens.  It still terrifies me though.  I pray so hard that I will be awake, or wake up when this happens if I am asleep.  My prayers were answered tonight, as I woke up and heard the change in Luke's breathing, and saw his color change.

The respiratory therapist at the hospital told me what to do in case this "unfortunate event" happened again, so at least I knew what was happening this time.  I didn't ease my fear for Luke, but it did help me feel more in control of the situation.

Luke got it up on his own again though, before I had to do anything else, or take him to the ER.

He is now asleep propped up on the couch, with his oxygen turned up, getting his color back,  and I am sitting here all pumped full of adrenaline from the whole thing,  making a dang blog post in the wee hours of the morning.  Part of being a mom I guess. Oh well, it beats eating a gallon of ice cream and running in circles (which sounds so tempting at the moment).

The doctor said it will be a long road back to full health for Luke, and I am starting to believe it.  Although, I feel that with so many prayers and love being sent his way, God's hand can perform miracles and I think Luke will snap back faster than we all may realize.

He did actually sit up a few times today and play with his toys for about 5 minute chunks, before getting too tired.  It was nice to see him smile a little and inspect all of his things in the cute ways babies do.

Oh, and did I mention that he cut a tooth during all of this.  Oh yeah.  Cutting a tooth, pneumonia, double ear infections, and puking a ton.  Poor little guy. I am so glad he will not remember this when he is older.  BUT, Luke now sports two bottom chompers, and it is adorable.  He proudly showed the nurse his new tooth yesterday before we left the hospital. It was cute.

OK, adrenaline is wearing off, deep fatigue is setting in.  My pillow is calling. My oh my, pneumonia shumonia.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

baby meets hospital

Last night, after we arrived home from dinner,  Ben and I noticed that Luke was looking really pale and that he was making weird noises while he was breathing.  Something in my mommy instinct sent alarms flaring in me, and we decided to call the doctor.  He told us to take Luke to the ER.

I am too tired to go into detail, but long story short:

Luke had a mucus plug in his left lung, which caused his lung to just barely collapse.  It wasn't a major collapsed lung, like we all hear about, but a little minor one that showed up on the X-ray.  It was enough, however, to keep Luke in the hospital overnight, and make him very uncomfortable. Normally, they would have to put a tube down in him and suction out the mucus plug, but lucky for us, Luke threw it up soon after we got to the ER.

The X-ray also confirmed that his RSV has turned to pneumonia. Boo.

We spent a long night together here in the hospital, but we just got the green light to go home in a few hours!

We named his teddy bear ERnie. Get it? Oh man, I need some sleep.

Luke is still very sick, and according to the doctor, he has a long road to recovery, but at least we are fully equipped to treat Luke at home.

He still can't get enough air on his own, so he will continue 24/7 oxygen, he also will continue the nebulizer treatments, and stay on his meds for his ear infections and the pneumonia.

We are hoping that this is the last hospital stay with this crud, but the doc. told me that another mucus plug could happen again, and that we would have to come back if it did.  Hopefully the nebulizer treatments can help prevent that. I would rather not repeat the experience.

It is heartbreaking to see my sweet little guy so sick, and I have worried so much, but I can't help thinking of those, like my grandmother, who have children with CF, or other life-long illnesses that deal with this stuff every day.  I feel so blessed that this is a short term deal, and that my children are usually healthy, active and happy.  I worry in the moment, but I also know that my little Lukey will be better and back to normal in a few weeks.

The Lord has blessed us, and we are grateful.  My heart and prayers go out to all of those out there who are in more severe situations and who deal with this every day.  My little tiny glimpse into what it must be like for them has given me a greater understanding. May God bless them all.

Friday, January 4, 2013


Earlier this week, Luke seemed a little more fussy than normal.  He cut one tooth, and I thought maybe he was cutting the one next to it, so I gave him some motrin and didn't think much of it. 

And then the fever came.  Luke was burning, and no amount of medicine would get it down.  He also had a nasty sounding cough and was throwing up a lot.  Not good.

After two nights of Luke burning, with no relief, and his cough sounding worse, I decided to take him to the Dr.  There are about a million things I love about Heber, and there are a few things I don't love.  The lack of Doctors in the area is one thing I am not fond of.  I called all three doctors, and not one of them could get Luke in. gggrrr

After another night of no sleep, and a burning, throwing up, coughing baby, I called and called and called until I finally got Luke in on Thursday.

I actually got him in to the PA.  The doctor was double booked for the day.  The nurse checked Lukes vitals.  Temp. of 102 with mortin and tylenol in him. Heart rate was too fast.  Oxygen level...hovering around 85% and dropping.  She listened to his lungs, and then told me that she was going to get the doctor.

The doctor came in, listened to Luke and decided to do a nebulizer treatment. 
After the treatment (where Luke just sat there doing nothing but trying to breath), they took his vitals again. His oxygen was even lower, his temp and heart rate even higher.  Boo!

We left the office 2 hours later.  I walked out with a very hungry William and Sam, a very sick Luke in the car seat, an oxygen tank with the cord already hooked up to Luke, 4 meds, a diaper bag, my purse,  a nebulizer tube and mask, and pages of instructions.

The verdict...RSV, and a bad case of it.  The doctor decided against admitting Luke to the hospital because I "came across like I could handle all of the treatment at home."  That came as a shock to me, because I felt like a deer in the headlights with so many meds and tubes to keep track of. But I was more than happy to bring Luke home.
Lukes fever finally came down this morning, and when I took him back to the doctor for an oxygen check, I had high hopes of good news.

Not the case.  Luke's RSV is moving from his smaller respiratory tubes, to the big ones.  Which means he has the beginnings of pneumonia.  His oxygen also dropped.
So, we now have a weekend of Luke being on oxygen, and meds.  We go back on Monday, and see if he can stay home, or head to the hospital to be treated for pneumonia.

Pretty crazy stuff.  It is so sad to see Luke suffer.  It breaks my heart.

Mary was supposed to be baptized tomorrow morning, but we are obeying the doctor, and keeping Luke in a little bubble for a while.  The baptism has been moved to February.

Here's to hoping my baby can beat this nasty stuff this weekend.  Poor thing.