My Reasons

My Reasons

This Is Where It All Begins

This Is Where It All Begins

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

slice and dice

I went in for my hysterectomy a week ago yesterday.  November 2nd to be exact.

I honestly had kept the surgery in the back of my mind, and had not thought too much about it, leading up to it. 

I focused on my half marathon's, Halloween, and doing the daily things that go with life in a big family.

On Sunday evening, the day before the surgery, it finally slapped me in the face, and it was really weird.

I wasn't really nervous, just anxious to get it over with and for life to get back to normal once more.

Ben had to stay home and get the kids off to school, so I drove myself there and did all of the pre-surgery stuff.

I still wasn't too nervous that morning, in fact, I was looking forward to lying down for a minute.  I was really tired and sore from the marathon a couple days before and from the Halloween festivities.

I just kept thinking I was having a baby though.  I have never had a surgery (aside from three D&C's) before. And I have never stayed overnight in the hospital without bringing a baby home.  I kept finding myself going through the list of things I needed to have ready for the baby, and then I would realize that I was not having a baby.  It was a little sad for me, but also a relief at the same time.

The nurse was great, and she even numbed my hand before putting the IV in.  She deserves a gold star and a cupcake!

When it was time,the sandman came in, and put an nice dose of his magic juice in my IV.  I reveled in that amazing medicine as long as I could.  That stuff is the BOMB!

But, sooner than later, they wheeled me to the freezing OR room, placed a mask on my face, and then...lights out. Rats.

I woke up in a lot of pain, and Ben was by my side.  I was so relieved that they had remembered to call Ben, so he could be there when I woke up.

After a few rounds of morphine, a trip to the bathroom, and sleeping for another few hours, I was actually feeling OK.

Dr. Clark came in and told me that everything went really well.  He didn't stay long, but I was happy to know that things went smoothly.  He is a great doctor, and I have a lot of trust in him.

Ben stayed as long as he could, and then headed home to be with the kids for the night.  I pretty much laid there in a drugged blissful stupor, and slept on and off until the next morning.

I was surprised with how well I was doing.  I was sore, but with the medicine, it really wasn't terrible. I was extremely tired though.

I had another visit from Dr. Clark, and a few other people, and then I started the check out process.

Yes, I did order carrot cake, and they did have it, but I was never really hungry during my hospital stay, so I didn't eat it.  CRAZY...I KNOW.  What was I thinking!

Ben and the kids came and got me from the hospital later that morning. (Mary and Sam insisted on being checked out of school to come get me).

I pretty much slept the next couple days, and then my mom came on Wednesday.  It was so great to know she was here and that we had the much needed help, and that Ben could get back to work.

Ben did a great job holding down the fort those first few days.  He had a great attitude with the kids, and was very loving and caring toward me.  I sure love that guy.  I am very lucky.

By Thursday I was off pain medicine, and on Friday, I went on an outing to Walmart with my mom and the two babies.  I rode the cart thingy, and my mom helped with the food and the bags.

That one outing did me in for the next day. I was soooo exhausted.

My mom was wonderful with helping with the kids, taking care of me, and cooking lots of yummy food.  It was comforting to have her here, and I was sad when it was time for her to leave.  I feel so lucky to have a mother that is able to come and help, and a mother that I am close enough to and that my kids love.  What a blessing!  I hope to do the same for my kids someday.

My mom left Sunday, after making us a nice Sunday dinner, and Jolene arrived a few hours later.

It is now Tuesday, a week after the surgery.

I still have pain, but nothing Advil can't handle.  The worst part, by far, is the fatigue.  I cannot believe how tired I feel all the time.  Not tired enough to sleep, but too tired to really do much.  It is a weird feeling, and one that I pray will pass soon.

I really miss running, being out and about, and just having energy.  It can get depressing if I let it, but at times, it is nice to just slow down also.

Jolene has been a wonderful help so far, and I am so glad she will be here this week.  She is great with the kids, and seems to know exactly when I need to have some peace and quiet. We are all so blessed to have such amazing mothers and grandmothers in our lives.

I am so relieved to have the surgery done, and I am really excited for my future life without endometriosis, and so much pain every month.

I was a little sad to be losing the organ that has carried all of my precious babies, but the pros so completely outweigh the cons, and the sadness didn't last for long.

So here I week out.  Still a little pain, but not bad, and working though some serious exhaustion and fatigue.

I will check in again in a week, and hopefully have some great progress to report on...maybe even an outing to the gym?!?!?!

one little flower, one big message

As I was walking around outside the other day, putting things away for the winter weather, I noticed how everything had pretty much died.  The weeds (thank heavens), the leaves on the trees, the flowers, and the grass.  Nature was hunkering down for a new season.

As I walking up to the front door, I glanced down and saw this.
One sweet little petunia, perfectly blossomed and full of it's beauty.

I sat there astounded as I thought of it's journey.

First of all, I did not plant and petunias there, so it must have started out in the planter on the porch next to it.

Let's back up.

When I bought flowers to put in the flower bed, I had some left over.  The left over flowers accidentally got left outside for over a week without water, before I remembered them.  When I saw them, only a few had survived.

I hurried and planted the ones that somehow survived into planters by the porch.

Out of all of those in the planters, only one plant survived in each planter.  Those plants blossomed beautifully, despite all they had been through.

Half way through the summer, Luke found a new thrill in filling the planters with water over and over and over again.

I would have to try to save the drowning flowers, and re-plant them, over and over and over again.  Most of them died.

Finally, at the end of summer, with just a couple petunias left in the planters, Luke flooded the planters again, and the flowers were poured out onto the grass, where Molly promptly picked at them, at a few, and played with them.

We have since mowed the lawn several times where those flowers were, and the flowers were all but forgotten.

So, for me to glance down and see this miraculous petunia that had somehow defied all odds and rooted down yet again in the dead grass, to grow into a beautiful flower, was truly a testament to me of what can happen if we just keep going, no matter the obstacles that are constantly being thrown at us.

As I stared at this cute little petunia, I felt like it was stretching as tall as it could, and doing everything in it's power to show me how beautiful it was, how good the world is, how good God is, and how it was fulfilling it's role here on Earth to the best of it's ability. It was meeting the measure of it's creation to the fullest.

I loved how this simple little petunia was telling me so many messages, and giving life to much meaning to me in that moment. 

God is good.  Life is good.  There is always hope. Miracles happen every day.


Last week, our neighbor across the street sent us this picture.

It took me a minute, but can you see it?  Or should I say, can you see him?

If you look at the little boy in the blue pajamas standing by the garage peeing...yes, that would be Luke.

Luke pees outside several times a day, and thinks nothing of it.  In fact, it is so natural to him, that I have to catch him on his way out, and remind him to pee in the toilet, not outside.

Obviously, I am concerned enough to try not to let him do this, but I am not freaking out either.  Am I just completely warped by this point with the third boy, or maybe I'm just too tired.

I wasn't at all concerned about the neighbor who sent the picture, because first of all, he was laughing his head off, and second of all, his kid has pooped in our yard more times than I care to mention.


halloween happenings

Halloween this year was on a Saturday this year, and it was great!

I started the day with the Halloween Half Marathon, and then we all watched Sam's last STORM soccer game.  His team did great, and beat a team that absolutely slaughtered them at the beginning of the season.  It was a fun way to end the season.  Sam did really well, and has improved a ton!

After the game, we came home and carved pumpkins! 

Sam carved his at a friends house, Molly was sleeping, and Ben was running errands, but the rest of us had a fun time.
They were all so proud of their pumpkins!

William drew the face on his pumpkins about 10 times, before it was good enough to carve it out.  He was extremely proud of his pumpkin, and spend a lot of time finding the perfect spot for it on our porch.

Luke had no desire to carve his, aside from the top, so he grabbed every marker he could find, and made this lovely creation.  He was thrilled!

Mary did her entire pumpkin completely on her own.  She made a vampire pumpkin, to match her costume.

After everyone got back home, and Molly woke up, we had a fun dinner of wrapped mummies (hot dogs wrapped in dough), and deviled eggs with spiders (olives).
It was nice to not feel rushed, and to have the whole day to celebrate.  It really kept things fun and calm in our house.
After dinner, it was TIME! 
Unfortunately, Molly's costume never arrived in the mail, so I have no Halloween pictures of her this year.  She wore our adorable spider costume that all of our kids have worn to the ward party, but Halloween night, she just hung out in her favorite fuzzy jammies, and helped me hand out candy.
Here are the other kids though.
the most gorgeous, um, I mean creepy, blonde vampire.

another handsome, I mean terrifying, vampire

the cutest Mario ever!

Luke was a giraffe, but ended up not wearing his costume trick or treating.  It was too hard to hold the darn head up everywhere he went.

Mary and Sam went trick or treating with friends, and came back with a massive haul of candy.  They were all grins when they got home.  Mary and Lydia came here when they were done and sorted their candy and talked about the scary people out trick or treating.  Sam went to a friend's house after and had a movie night.

William and Luke went with Ben, and lasted longer than last year. They came home happy and excited.

Molly stayed home with me, and loved putting candy into people's buckets and bags.  She was so cute!

It was a great Halloween this year!

halloween half- provo

Halloween was a really fun day this year!

I started the day out running the Provo Haunted Half Marathon.  I was scared out of my mind for it, because I was too sore to run the entire week, from the Haunted Half I ran that previous Saturday. I was also low on energy, and feeling sluggish from a small cold I had. I was seriously wondering if I was going to absolutely die during this half.

Despite all of this, I got my bum out of bed at 5:00 that morning, put all of my running gear on, and drove to Provo, where I hopped on a bus that took us all up to the starting line.

It was really weird not being with anyone this time, and a little lonely at first, but once I got up to the starting line, I found some good running friends I know from the gym, and we had a good time fighting off the freezing cold for an hour while we waited for the race to start.  I was even able to get a picture with the headless horseman this time. :)

I didn't realize until a minute before start time, but I had no reception up there in the Canyon, which meant, no Pandora, which meant no music!
Running without music is like dancing without music.  No fun at all.  I freaked out for a while, and then saw that Mary had downloaded two Taylor Swift songs on my phone.  I got to listen to those two songs for the first 4 miles.  Thank heavens they were upbeat.

About 3 miles in to the race, I finally got a great burst of energy, and felt really good.  It was such a huge relief, because I was feeling like such a slug up to that point.  At that moment, I got a text from Ben saying that they had just prayed for me at home.  It was pretty neat, because I truly and literally felt the power from that prayer helping me.

The run was gorgeous, but quite a bit harder than the one I did the previous week.  The last 3 miles were killers!  There were all uphill.

I learned my lesson from before, and when I choked down a Goo at mile 10, I drank two cups of water with it...and guess what....I didn't have even ONE potty break!  Seriously not one!  Miracle people, complete miracle.

I definitely got tired, and it got really hard, but the beauty of a half marathon, is that when you hit that point, you are either done, or almost there.  It is wonderful.

With one mile left, a huge group of us got stopped by a cop at a traffic light, and we literally sat there for about 4 minutes.  It was discouraging, because we were all making pretty good time. Rats!

Once we were cleared to go, we all took off and did our best to make up the time in that last mile.

It felt GREAT to run through that finish line, and I was all sorts of high on zipfizz, goo, and endorphins.  It was awesome!

My goal was 1:45, and I came in at 1:50.  Not bad, considering it was my second half marathon in a week.  I was proud of myself.

I met up with quite a few friends at the finish line, which made it really fun, and then I made my way home, just in time for Sam's last soccer game, where Mary presented me with the cutest gift ever!

She is such a thoughtful, creative girl. 

I will definitely be doing the Haunted Half's again next year.  So much fun!

storm soccer

Sam had his first season of club soccer.  He played for STORM. 

The season started out rough for everyone.  The team lost their first three games of their tournament miserably.  They were completely slaughtered!

Due to vacations, Sam missed the first few weeks of practice, so he didn't know his team or his coaches, and he was behind.

He hated going to practices, and he felt like the worst one on the team.  He shed a lot of tears and we had a lot of frustration!

We almost pulled Sam out, but we decided that it would be a great opportunity to teach Sam to finish what he starts, and to be a team player.

One week, everything changed!  Sam had a great practice, the coaches were complimenting him, and his team, as a whole, was quickly learning team work.  From there on out, Sam absolutely loved it. I give all of the credit to his two coaches, who were absolutely wonderful with these boys.

Sam is very small, and doesn't have a lot of experience, so he had room to grow with the sport.

I cannot believe the soccer player Sam now, compared to the soccer player Sam at the beginning of the season!

His team ended up playing the same teams that killed them at the beginning of the season, for their last three games.

His team won every game.

We were all so excited and proud of all of these guys.  They worked extremely hard at every practice, used what they were taught out on the field, and came a long way!  The director of the entire STORM club watched their last game, and told them that they were the most improved team he has ever seen in this club.  It was a huge compliment!

As for Sam, he improved in confidence, speed, playing smart, and agility.  I am so very proud of him for sticking it out, and for learning to love it.  There is nothing like watching him flash us his adorable little grin and he runs out there in the soccer field.

He is already asking when the season starts up again in the spring.

Go Sam Go!

Sam played defense, and he got A LOT of turns throwing the ball in.