My Reasons

My Reasons

This Is Where It All Begins

This Is Where It All Begins

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

It's Always Fun For Everyone....

when grandma comes!

Ben's mom Jolene decided to make a trip here, in order to join in the Birthday celebrations for Sam. And oh man, are we glad she did! Sam felt so loved and important on his special day, and nothing brings me greater joy for my kids than for them to feel loved and special. Because they are.

She arrived Thursday evening just as Mary arrived home from gymnastics. Great timing.

Friday was spent doing last minute Birthday shopping, getting slushies at Target, picking up Mary early from school (surprise!) and taking the kiddos out to lunch, playing at the park, quiet time for me(yes, that actually does exist) and playing hard with grandma.

The kids were so happy and excited, and I relished every second of having an adult around all day to laugh with, talk with, and hang out with. It was a very fun day.

Ben's dad surprised us that evening, and ended up coming as well. We went out to dinner and had fun talking and just being together. Just after one day of fun and excitement, Sam could take no more. This is how he ended up at dinner. ;)

Saturday was full of more playing with grandma and grandpa, watching Mary at gymnastics, running errands, going on some drives to see a few places, and being together.

(William REALLY wanted the car he had been playing with before the picture)

Sunday was church (where I had no idea the choir was performing and somehow pulled off playing the piano for them...yikes!), a yummy Sunday dinner, and more visiting and playing.

Monday was the big day. Sam's 5th Birthday! aaaaggghhh. Where on earth did time go, and what happened to my little Sammy boy? I honestly can't believe he is really 5. What a fun age! It is a year of fun changes and graduating to bigger things. I am excited for him.

Sam woke up almost every 20 minutes crying the night before his Birthday. We could not figure out what on earth was wrong with him. He didn't know either. This lasted for almost 4 hours. Finally he settled into a deep sleep and all was well. Ben and I think that he was so excited for his Birthday and all of the fun, that once his body fell asleep, it couldn't handle it all, so he cried. It shouldn't be funny, but we have to laugh. Sam is the kind of kid that gets so excited for fun things. I mean REALLY excited...weeks in advance. I love that about him. I just hope it doesn't make him cry anymore. ;)

He woke up to the "Birthday tunnel." The stairway was decorated like a big tunnel for him to come down. He blasted down the stairs and asked Ben, "Am I 5 right now, I mean right now?" Ben said yes. Then Sam said, "Am I bigger?" Again, Ben said yes.
And with that, Sam was content.

Ben's parents had to leave, so Sam opened his presents after breakfast. He loved them and was very excited to play with them and to share them.

We said goodbye to Ben's parents, and then it was off to the gym. After the gym, it was time for the long awaited for event.


We told Sam we would go there for his Birthday a while ago, and all of the kids have been looking forward to it. Even the big adult kids. ;) It did not disappoint.

We ended spending over three hours there, and we had an absolute blast!

The favorite for everyone was the blast zone with the balls flying everywhere and the HUGE red slide. I could not believe Mary and Sam actually went down the thing. Of course, Ben had to try it too. He is such a fun dad. I decided that William, me and baby in womb should just stick to the smaller slides. It did look fun though.

We rollerskated,

(William actually tried it too, and LOVED it)
did the bounce houses, the kids ran through the jungle rooms, we ate pizza, and did the blast zone. It was so much fun! We plan on going back there again and again and again.

It was a little crazy to think that the last time we were there was for a family reunion. We lived in Colorado at the time. It was at that very reunion where Ben and I had our first very strong feelings that we would end up living in Utah somdeday. Little did we know that three years later we would be there again, and living only 15 minutes away. Wow.

Then it was home where Sam blew out the candles and we ate his Birthday cake of "dirt and worms." It was incredibly tasty. Sam thought it was awesome.

And that folks was our weekend, and it was awesome! Family is what it is all about, and where the true joy lies. I am so grateful for mine.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The Day of L-O-V-E

Our Valentines Day actually began yesterday.
I spent 3 hours cooking 70 sugar cookies, with the help of my family.

We decided as a family, to reach out and try to help people feel like they are worth some love and effort. People that we don't normally hang out with or associate with much, but would really like to get to know. So, we made a bunch of cookies, and spent our FHE delivering them to several people. It was awesome, to say the least. I discovered some amazing people right here in my neighborhood that I can't wait to get to know better.

Watching my kids giggle and be so excited to "give some love" was equally amazing to watch. I felt my heart becoming more full as I tried to help others feel the same.

This past weekend, Ben and I had a wonderful time together. It wasn't actually a Valentine's date, but the love I felt from Ben sure made it feel just like one.
He lined up a babysitter and took me on a much needed shopping trip for new maternity clothes. Nothing screams frumpy and blah like a pregnant woman growing out of her clothes and feeling icky. The new clothes really livened up my step and feel great. Then we went out to dinner to a cute, little resturant we love that was quiet and nice. It was simple, but so needed and, we just really had a good time.
He also brought flowers home the day before...just to let me know he loves me. These precious tokens from him really meant a lot to me and bonded us even closer together. I am a very lucky girl.

This morning, we all woke up to little suprises from eachother. Chocolates, stuffed animals, big banging balloons, flowers, ect. It was a fun morning to show our love for eachother.

Mary practically bounced out the door with excitement and a bag full of Valentine's to give classmates and friends. Holiday's during grade school are the best.

Sam's preschool party is tomorrow, and aside from his Birthday (in six days as he will tell you), he can't talk about anything else.

After the morning love fest, it was off to the doctor. William ate some of his Valentine suckers on the way. Little did I know...

William has pink eye. After the appointment, our awesome doctor who we love gave William and Sam suckers.

Then it was off to the pharmacy, to get the eye drops. The pharmacist gave Sam and William a sucker.

Then it was off to get the boy's hair cut. They got suckers. Actually, Sam didn't even want his at this point. hehehe It is still in my purse.

I just got back from my OB appointment. All is looking well and this baby is by far the most active one in the womb ever! The poor nurse couldn't get the heart beat because he wouldn't hold still long enough... maybe it was those sugar cookies. ;)Oh, I love this baby of mine.

Needless to say, our Valentines Day has been very busy, but very good. Sure, we don't really need a special day to say I love you, but it is so great to have a day to say it even more and in more fun ways. I also think it is a good day to reach out to those who may not be feeling the love, or who could use some TLC. Our cookie thing may just become a tradition. I think it is a great holiday!

So, Happy Valentines Day to all of you out there in blog-sphere! Enjoy the day.

Thursday, February 9, 2012


There are some things we need to do before out little guy arrives.
One of which, is to switch up the bed situation and have everyone comfortable with it by the time baby boy is here. I have learned from past experience, that changes for the other kids are not something to be done when a baby arrives. Nope, keep it as simple and non-changing as possible. We will be doing any necessary changes well before he gets here.

Right now the bed situation is like this...

Mary is here, in her room, in her bed.

Sam is here, on the floor right next to Mary.

Sam has his own bed, in his own room, he just chooses to sleep next to Mary instead. Both Mary and Sam like this set up, and because the mattress slides under Mary's bed and is out of the way during the day, I have no problem with it either.

William is here, in the pack and play, in our room. The comforter (which is one of my most favorite possessions) is not in it when he is, but it is a great storage place for it during the day.

We need to have this happen in the near future...

Mary is still here, and will somehow have to get used to being alone in her room at night. I think she will be fine, she sleeps with about 5 stuffed animals anyway. ;)

But Sam will be here, in his own room and in his own bed.

William will be on the floor next to Sam's bed,

in the boy's room, on the mattress that Sam has been sleeping on in Mary's room. It will now be stored under Sam's bed instead of Mary's.

And baby boy will be in the pack and play next mom and dad's bed.

Sam and Mary are not thrilled about being separated, so we are off to get some glow in the dark stars, cool night lights and some other bedroom stuff to make the transition easier. Hopefully in a week or two, we will have the changes all made, and the kids will be happy.

Wish us luck. The switch starts this weekend.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Forgotten, but not really

I read a quote today, and loved it.
"Lonely people build walls instead of bridges."

I must admit, I have been having a bad case of feeling forgotten this week.
Blame it on the pregnancy hormones if you will, or the blahs of winter, but either way, feeling forgotten really bites.

I am surrounded by loving family and friends, so this seems a little weird to me to feel this way. Serioulsly, probably pregnancy hormones, but still.

I think it stems from a few things.
I have not been able to do a lot of the things I used to do that involved being around friends. (running, work out group, relief society meetings on Tuesday nights, ect.) Because of the pregnancy and our schedule, these things have been out of the picture.

Most of my friends are in Young Womens or Primary, so I don't see many of my friends at church, and we are not really doing the same things when it comes to that.

My family is all very busy with their own crazy lives, and even though we live closer, it can still be hard to connect.

The blog is private. Yes, it has been SO nice to have the privacy, but it also has taken some getting used to. It is easy to forget to check a private blog.

I got tired of facebook, and rarely get on there anymore. I don't miss it, but I guess I do miss the connection (however real or fake it was) it kind of provided to outside life.

I have not burned any bridges with anyone by any means, but I think that sometimes people can just kind of forget you after a while of you not being there. Kind of stinks.

This weekend I decided to go way out of my comfort zone and try to set up a group date. It was actually a big deal to me. I love to have fun, I don't love to set it up.
It fell through, which was fine, but I later learned that it was probably because of a girls night thing that I was not asked to be a part of. Double ouch. Ok, actually it made me cry. I am a big girl, and normally I can shrug things like this off, but for some reason this really ran deep this time. Yes, my feelings were very hurt.

So, I have had my nice little pity party this week. I have shed some tears, gotten upset, almost got bitter, and then I got down on my knees.

I was reminded that I am never alone with the Lord. I was also reminded of my numerous friends, my family and so many others out there who really do care. I am not alone and am actually very blessed with so many great relationships. I am not fogotten. Because of feeling forgotten, I have built walls, not bridges. I have not been rude or anything, I just emotionally shut off. Not good.

I have begun working on bridges again. Some old bridges, and some new ones. It is hard, because I still a not able to see people a ton, and I think some good friendships have let me go because I have been "out of the loop", but I am trying. The Lord will make up for where I lack and where I cannot be.

My true friends and family will not forget me. They may pass me by for a while, but deep down, I know people are better than that.

Does anyone else out there ever feel like this, or am I just crazy? I have a feeling I will seriously regret this post, but I made a vow that I would never have an "everything is perfect" blog. When my kids read the blog book in the future, I want them to see and learn from the good times and the bad. Life is about joy and pain.

I want my kids to see that sometimes there will be floods in your life. And maybe when you feel like you are swimming all alone, all you really need to do, is get some help from the Lord and build a bridge (or two or three).

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Prego Post

I realized that I haven't updated about the pregnancy for a while. So here it is.

As always, the second trimester is bliss compared to the first. I love it and all of the energy that comes with it. It is so wonderful to feel good! I can't believe I only have one week left until the third trimester, so crazy!

The horrid nausea finally passed around week 20. It arrived earlier (5 weeks into the pregnancy) and hung around longer than my other pregnancies, and was the worst so far, so I am very grateful to have it gone. I feel like a new woman, and it is so great!

I have been back to the gym for a little over a month now. I wasn't able to go because of the complications I had earlier, but now I am all clear, and so happy to be exercising again. I am not running, because it hurts me to run when pregnant, and because it is a nice change from the norm. I do the elliptical for 50 minutes and then I walk fast and uphill for about 20. It feels so great to get a good workout in during pregnancy for me. I feel like I am helping my baby and myself by trying to stay fit. Not to mention that exercising is such a part of me, and I need it. I crave it.

Since it is my fourth baby, obviously I am showing. I don't feel huge yet, and I can still fit about 1/2 of my normal clothes, but that will change in about a month. I normally blow up at about 7 months. Sorry, no pictures. I am not a fan of prego pictures of myself, they make me feel weird. As much as I don't like feeling big, it is always so neat to look at my belly and know that a precious child of mine is in there growing and awaiting to join us.

This little guy has really taught me a lot already. I have been very blessed with some incredibly important revelation concerning him and with a very special gimpse into the future of our family. January was a month of a lot of questions and pondering for me, concerning our family, and the Lord taught me some lessons through my son that I didn't even know I needed to learn. My view of motherhood has been taken to a much deeper and much more meaningful level, and I have had a big change of heart with a few things. Our future is not the one that I thought was set for our family just a month ago, but it is going to be so much better, because now I know that that Lord's plan for us is so specific to what will make us happy. I am very excited to see how things unfold for us. I feel a lot more confident and ready.

Even though this was my hardest pregnancy so far, as far as the first 20 weeks went, I am not sure that we are going to stop at 4. I am no longer stubbernly putting my feet in the ground and demanding that we have no more. I don't know if we are done having kids or not, but I do know that I am very happy and excited either way. I guess in time, the Lord will let us know His will, and I am now to a point where I am very open and ready to accept whatever that may be. 4 kids or more kids, my heart is now in the right place, and I am embracing motherhood with my whole heart and soul. I want to, I yearn to, and I am excited to. These children and my family are everything to me and I take my calling to love and nurture them very seriously. I have embraced this calling on a whole new level, and I can honestly say I am so excited to mother these children of mine now and in the years to come.

The cravings have stopped, but I tell you what, I am hungry ALL THE TIME! It is amazing. I like food, so I don't mind the filling the long as the scale approves. ;) Sugar made me VERY sick for the first 5 months, so I hardly ate it, in any form. Now that I can eat it, it is like my body can't get enough. I am very careful, but man, I have never enjoyed a big bowl of ice cream quite like this before. I guess it takes losing something to really appreciate it sometimes.

As a family, we are all very excited to meet our new addition. Mary had her moment of sadness/shock when she learned our girl was a boy, but it has been amazing to me to see her sadness turn into so much love and excitement, so quickly. Kids are so resiliant! She really loves this baby already, and has enjoyed embracing the fact that she could be the only girl, and therefore the only princess in this castle of ours. We have made it a very positive thing for her to look forward to, and I can tell that she is now happy and content with her brother-to-be. She has a very special role as the oldest and maybe the only girl in the family. I can see it clearly, and it makes me so happy that the Lord knows what he is doing and that He places each child in a family exactly where they need to be.

Sam hasn't seemed to pay much attention to the whole thing, until I brought home the ultrasound pictures. He loves to look at them and asks me all the time if he can see them. I have had three ultrasounds so far, so we have lots and lots and lots of pictures. Arms, legs, face, profile, fingers, toes, wee-wee, back, sucking the thumb, waving, yawning, ect. Sam gets a kick out of them, and honestly believes his brother is waving to him in one picture. It is adorable and I will let him think that. It is his link to his brother, and it is special.

Somehow I think William recognizes that there is a little spirit residing in my tummy. He doesn't do much about it, but every once in a while he will touch my tummy or look at it with a reverent look in his eyes. We are allowing William to embrace his last few months as the youngest as much as we can. He is such a fun and happy baby in our home, but I can already feel that his role as a big brother will be very amazing for him to fulfill and I am excited to see it unfold.

My due date it still June 4th. Mine and Williams Birthday. I would love to naturally go into labor, but as we get closer, if it looks like he may just arrive right on time, I will probably be induced, in order to avoid three of us sharing a Birthday. I have been induced before, and all went well, so I have no problems with that, but it is always nice to just let things go in their time. I want my boys to have their own special day just for them. Birthday's are very meaningful and special in our home. I love to celebrate my children and make them feel special and unique. It is the one day in the year just for them. So special. I have gladly given William my Birthday, and I love that we share it, but I think it will be best to let the brothers have their own.

I will turn 30 the week our baby enters this world (most likely). During the first part of this pregnancy, I talked myself into thinking that I am getting too old for this, that pregnancy is too hard on my body, and that I can't do it anymore. I actually was thinking I was old, and truly believing it. Silly, silly me.
Now I have realized that I am still plenty young and plenty healthy to be pregnant. I have been blessed with a body that can have babies and that can bounce back pretty quickly when all is said and done. That is an amazing gift that I have failied to recognize until now. The Lord has blessed me with a very able body and I now know that having 4 kids by age 30 is not by any means old. I am very excited to think the majority, if not all of my 30's will be spent raising kids, not cooking and birthing them. That is pretty cool to me and I really look forward to it and have an insightful and neat view of it.

This little guy is incredibly active in my tummy. He reminds me a lot of Mary in the womb. Constantly moving, hiccupping, jerking and rolling around. It makes for some entertaining ultrasounds and some very funny moments of watching my stomach pop up and down all over the place. Ben loves it, I love it unless it hurts, Mary thinks its great, Sam thinks its weird, and William doesn't really care.

Other than all of that, the pregnancy is just moving along. Some days it moves too fast and I can't believe it, other days it feels like it will never end. I am really trying to embrace it and cherish it, because these moments are really just a short time and a special time. It can be hard to remember that, but I have also known and felt what it is like to lose this precious gift. That can really change a perspective my friends. My next appointment in on Valentines Day and should be good and uneventful. We shall see. ;)

So there you go. A very long and very lengthy pregnancy update. The Lord has opened the way for me to enrich my perspective, pour my heart out on prayer for answers to questions I didn't even know I had, change my heart, receive revelation, gain an amazing outlook concerning my family and our life now and in the future, and become a more refined me, through this baby of mine, and he isn't even here yet. Wow.