My Reasons

My Reasons

This Is Where It All Begins

This Is Where It All Begins

Saturday, May 31, 2014

pregnancy update week 25

I had an OB appointment this week, so I figured it would be a good time to do a pregnancy update.

Since this is my blog, and family record, I will be honest.  I have been horribly miserable once I started the gestational diabetes diet.

I have felt so, so terrible.  My whole body aches ALL the time, and just doing simple tasks, like picking up the toys in the family room, feel like I am slugging through mud and doing a major feat of defying gravity just to put one foot in front of the other.  Going up the stairs might as well be completing the Iron Man.

My body has never, ever felt to fatigued, weighted down, achy and flat out like it was trying to just shut down.  Along with the physical, I have been slammed into an awful mental and emotional rut as well.  Just feeling down in every way.

Not to mention, that when your body feels like it is being weighted down with bags of wet sand, and your energy is basically non-existent, it is extremely hard to take care of a family and a home. 

When the kids ask for even the simplest thing, like a glass of water right after I finally sit down, I get so grumpy and upset, because of the pain and energy it takes to get that glass of water.  I have 4 kids, who need something about every 5 minutes of the day.  Add that up, and mom has not been a very nice mom. 

Needless to say, things have been very rough, and the guilt I have felt for not being able to gracefully keep up my normal routine and meeting everyone's needs, while being pregnant, dealing with gestational diabetes, and all the crap that has come with it, has been next to overwhelming.  The guilt has been the worst part.

I decided I had nothing to lose by telling all of this to my OB at my appointment.  We have both established on some weird level that my body is not exactly handling this pregnancy very well.  We knew this could be the case coming into this pregnancy, and that my body may not even be able to get pregnant anymore at all.

But, I was able to get pregnant, and whether or not it feels like my body is trying it's hardest to reject this pregnancy, through the grace of God, it continues to move forward, and I am thankful for that.

Anyway, after I told my OB what I was feeling, she decided to run some blood work and see what on Earth was happening to my body this time, aside from the obvious part of growing a human in my stomach.

I got a call the next day and was so relieved to know that I am not just crazy and falling apart.  There was actually something wrong, and it is an easy fix. 

My Magnesium was very, very low.  Of course no one told me, but with the diet I am on, this can happen.  In my case, it REALLY happened.  Magnesium plays a huge part with muscles, nerves, and even moods and depression.  A deficiency of this can cause horrible muscle fatigue, heaviness, aches, cramps, and extreme physical fatigue as well.  It can also cause some pretty low morale.

hhhmmm, sound familiar.  Oh yeah, that would pretty much describe my own personal hell I have been going through lately.

Next on the list, my iron was low.

This was weird, because all I can really eat is meat, green vegies, cheese, and all sorts of iron filled foods.  Either way, this also plays a really big role in fatigue, depression, and low energy.

The fix...just drive over to Walgreens, get some supplements, and take them.  With the Magnesium, I will take a lot of them for a while.  No problem. 
As far as the iron, I am a pro at iron.  Remember that time in 2009 when I lost over 1/3 of my blood during a miscarriage, and took iron for almost a year trying to grow my blood back.  Yeah, I can do iron.

 It has been 2 days, and I am starting to notice a slight difference in energy and mood already.  The muscle heaviness and aches are still there, but lessening.  Most importantly, I have hope.  I have hope that things will get better for me physically...just in time for the 3rd trimester.  Anyone else seeing the irony in this?  Hey, I will take what I can get.

So, that is how I am doing with the pregnancy at this point.

Now on to my favorite part, the baby.

She is doing great.  Heart beat was right on target, and she is growing a lot.  I can feel her move every day now, and a lot at night.  She is a little resilient thing and is doing just great floating around inside of me tasting all of these new low carb foods and vitamins we are trying out.  She seems to like them.  :)

She is worth all of this, and I count my blessings every day that even though it seems like this pregnancy is one complication after the next for me, she is doing fine. If one of us is going to have complications and issues, I thank my Heavenly Father that it is me. 

Oh, I can't wait to hold my sweet angel in my arms, smell her sweet newborn smell, let her little chubby fingers hold mine, and whisper into her ear, "we did it."

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

memorial weekend

Memorial weekend was a good one for us. 

Saturday, we did our usual thing.  Clean the house, run errands, and Ben took the kids to the bike trail.

Saturday evening, Ben's parents, JoJo and Lonnie came.  The kids were so excited to see them, and couldn't wait to show them all of their pets, toys and basically, anything they could think of.  It is always exciting around here when grandparents come to visit.

We had a fun evening hanging out and enjoying a nice summer evening outside, and watching funny Youtube videos inside, once it got too cold.

Sunday morning JoJo and Lonnie had to leave, and we headed off to church, and did our usual Sunday stuff.  Some of our good friends, the Aardemas,  are moving in a few days, and their whole family spoke in Sacrament meeting.  It was a great meeting, and also a little sad to be saying goodbye.

Monday, Memorial Day, Ben had his first downhill bike race in Sundance.  The kids and I drove up to Sundance to watch Ben.  We had to park in an upper parking lot, so we rode the shuttle down.  William thought it was absolutely amazing! 

We got there in time to look around at the gorgeous scenery and hike up the hill to watch Ben cross the finish line.
Little did I know, Sam was walking right toward a nice patch of stinging nettle.  Nice.  He wasn't to thrilled about it 10 minutes later, and for about 2 hours after that.  oops

the sun was right in their eyes, but they still look adorable to me

seriously, one of the most gorgeous places on Earth to me

Go Ben Go!

Ben came zooming past us, and flew through the finish line.  The look on my kids' faces was priceless.  Once again, Ben was superman in their eyes.  It was pretty cool to see.

We walked around a little bit more, and then the kids and I headed home while Ben did his final race.  It was nap time and lunch time, and the kids were being great, but just couldn't hold out any longer. 

Once we were all home, rested, and cleaned up, we headed to a neighbors house for a barbeque.  We spent the rest of the evening there and had a great time.  Good friends, good food, tons of fun for the kids, and perfect weather.  It was rejuvenating and nice to just hang out and bask in the goodness of our wonderful neighborhood.

Today, we are back to our normal schedule, with another fun weekend ahead.  A visit from Grandma Sylvia and Kelsey for a few days,  maybe a trip to the zoo, and the last day of school on Friday!

Welcome summer!

Thursday, May 22, 2014

lukie turns 2

Our puppy dog eyed, curly blond haired, little vacuum lover, Luke turned 2 today.  It was so fun to have a day dedicated to celebrating our sweet boy.  He is so special and so loved!

Luke started the day snoozing away in all of his cute, edible glory.
He woke up to balloons, streamers, and his whole family smiling at him and telling him Happy Birthday.  He said "Happy Birthday" back to us, and then immediately began exploring his new play kitchen that was all set up for him.  He LOVES it...and so do the other kids. :)

Then, he was off to act his age.  He got into Mary's room and painted himself with her nail polish, while I was busy getting the other kids off to school. (no pictures, sorry)

Then we went to the gym and to the grocery store, where he picked out his favorite Popsicles and immediately ate 2 of them.

He came home, had a nap, woke up, got into the fridge and poured at least 1/2 a gallon of milk on the floor, while I was helping William with something.

I guess he gets some redemption points for trying to clean it up.
Once Mary and Sam got home, we went to our favorite ice cream place and got ice cream cones.  Luke's favorite is orange swirl.

Next, it was outside to try out his new tricycle. 

I think he likes it!
And of course, he had to escape into the field, under the fence, into the neighbors garage to hunt for vacuums, and last, but not least, run through the sprinklers about 100 times.

After his outside adventures, it was time for dinner and playing with siblings until dad got home.

After hugs and kisses from dad, it was time for his Birthday cake...or pie.  He loves yogurt, so I made him one of our favorite desserts, yogurt pie.  He loved the candles, and we loved watching him love the candles.

trying to get that last candle blown out

still trying

Once the candles were blown out, and before we could cut into the pie, Luke dunked his half eaten soggy cookie right into the middle of it.  Oh yeah!

After pie, it was time to play with balloons and get energy out, before heading off to bed.

I think it was a Birthday well spent for this 2 year old of ours.

We sure love you Luke!  Happy Birthday Sweet Boy!

the wonderful world of oz

Mary's 3rd grade class, along with two others, have been working on a play for the past several months.  They have learned songs, speaking parts, dancing, and all the other stuff that goes along with it.

Mary has LOVED it!  She has been talking about it for months, and was so excited this week, to finally be able to perform in front of an audience.

They did the play 4 times this week, and we went to go see the final performance last evening.

The play was really well done, and it was cute to see Mary, who was a "Winkette" sing her parts and do the actions.  I could tell she was trying her best and enjoying it.

She has since asked me if she can participate in some sort of community play or musical.
This is all kind of foreign to me, but at the same time, not so much.

I remember, at Mary's age, I would make up plays all the time, and have my brothers act in them, while I directed.  We did an annual Christmas play for a while, and usually did one every time my parents went out on a date, so we could surprise them when they got home.

It is fun to see this little acting bug creep into Mary. 

She is definitely a girl willing and ready to try new things.  I guess I will have to start looking into a community theater!

sunshine circle program

William had is preschool program today.  It wasn't really a graduation, because he still has another year of preschool, but it was an adorable program where they sang songs, showed us art work they had made, and William led us in the flag ceremony for the Pledge of Allegiance.

Ben was able to make it, and I know that meant a lot to William.  When Ben walked in, his whole face lit up, and he gave Ben a thumbs up sign.

William participated half the time, picked his nose some of the time, and just chilled out on his chair the rest of the time.  Just how I imagined it.

It was so cute to see him, in his little place, doing his thing. 

He is our music lover, and it was fun to see him sing the songs he has learned.  He picks up on songs very quickly, and I usually catch him singing a song to the radio, word for word, that I didn't even know he had heard before.  A boy after my own heart.  :)

William had a great year a Sunshine Circle with Miss Sherry.  She was a great teacher for him, and was good to laugh at him wearing shorts (and the same two pair) the entire year.  She got to know William and his ways, and she loved him for them and embraced them.  That is a good teacher.

He made some good friends, and we have had his really good buddy Harrison, over to our house to play.

William will be going to Heber Valley Elementary next year for pre-K preschool, and absolutely can't wait to be able to ride the bus home with Sam and Mary.

Until then...Goodbye Sunshine Circle, thanks for the memories!

Monday, May 19, 2014

the carb starve...week 1

Do you ever wonder why there are things that people just don't tell you.

Like having your first baby.  All you hear about is how awesome it is to have your baby, how sweet it is to rock them, and feed them, and dress them cute.  Yes, that is all true.

But, why on earth doesn't anyone ever tell you about the horrendous sleep deprivation, your lower parts being torn to shreds, blow outs, colic, mastitis, post partum depression, and so on.

It would have been so nice to have been warned.  Sure, it doesn't change anything, but at least you know that these things are normal while you suffer through them, and you aren't just a horrible parent or the only mother who struggles.

That is how I feel about my first week on this gestational diabetes diet of death.

I have had my own food battles throughout my life, but for the past decade or so, I have found my peace with food.
I don't believed in cutting out any food group, no matter if it is the "unhealthy group" that is trending at the moment.  I believe in eating healthy and balanced, exercising consistently, and by all means, if you want a cookie, or ice cream, or a big fat warm cinnamon roll every now and then eat one!  This works for me and my body, and it is how I have chosen to live.  I am happy with that.

Anyway, this past week, due to this fun thing called gestational diabetes, I have been forced to do just what I don't believe in...cut out a part of the human diet that is not meant to be cut out so drastically.  It is not normal, it is not fun, and I will never for the life of me figure out why people choose do this on purpose.  To each their own I guess.

*side note*  Before anyone gets all judgy on me....I do not have gestational diabetes because of anything I have done.  In fact, I fit NONE of the criteria whatsoever.  It is not because of what I eat, how much I weigh, or my lifestyle.  I have gestational diabetes because the pregnancy hormones that have created such a party for me this pregnancy already, have decided to invade my pancreas and completely mess up it's job of regulating sugar.  Nothing I can do about that...nothing.*

So, when I met with my OB and my dietician a week ago, this is what I came away with.
A new diet plan..."that wasn't that bad." Just cutting out about 80% of my usual carb intake.
Promises that I would feel so much better.
Warning of "some" weight loss.
Me "not really noticing much", because it was "really no big deal."
And lots of kicks and giggles about getting my blood sugar all regulated and my body all balanced again.
I walked away feeling like I was going to feel awesome, back to normal, and maybe even better than before.

This is what has really happened:
I live by a number, that I can only obtain by stabbing my finger 6 times a day and placing my blood on a paper that goes into a machine that tells me if I have been a good girl or not.
I eat and eat and eat, and yet feel like I am absolutely starving, about 70% of the day.
Feeling so moody and irritable, I just want to go to another planet, all by myself, and be around no one ever again.
Muscle aches and pains like I have never felt.  Pretty much feeling like I have the flu.
Headaches, horrible fatigue, dizziness, and easily brought to tears.
Eating until I feel full, but never satisfied. 
Full and satisfied are two completely different things, I promise.  Anyone can get full if you eat enough sawdust and cardboard, but are you at all satisfied??  My point is made.

So today, I finally consulted Dr. Google again.  I have been beginning to think that I have the flu, or I have been severely poisoned, or that I have no nutrients in my body whatsoever.
   I was pretty sure my body was now eating itself or maybe just shutting down, or something.

And guess what I learned. 

THIS IS ALL NORMAL for the first 2 weeks of a major carb cutting diet. 
I am not talking slowly easing into it.  I am talking a drastic cut, like those of us who are one day happily enjoying our granola bars, cereal, and whole wheat bread, and the next day being told to now live on meat, cheese and vegies....or else.
 No adjustment time.

Yup, I read scientific journals, forums, blogs, and everything in between. 

They call it the "carb. flu."  Perfect name, because that is exactly how I have felt.

Supposedly, this will end anytime between now, and 7 days from now.  Then my body will realize that it is no longer going to get it's energy from the sugar and carbs that are no longer there, and it will start eating fat for fuel.  For now, it is just all sorts of confused and freaking out, and eating whatever it can for energy.  (which is why I feel starved all the body is screaming for it's usual energy source)

The only thing I can compare it to, is like hitting the wall in a marathon.  Your body is depleted of all of it's usual energy sources, and it just freaks out, and starts to shut down.  If you have ever been in a marathon around mile 18-21, you will know what I am talking about.  Lots of tears, swearing, lying down, depression, and looks of panic.  It is ugly, really ugly.

Glad I was told to expect this....BAhahahaha
  Yeah, that would have been nice.   What the heck people!  Just send me right into a week with Hades while telling me I'm headed to Heaven.  Thanks...thanks a lot.

So, here I am 5 pounds less that I was 6 days ago, and feeling like absolute crap. 

But hey, apparently this is all perfectly normal, and the baby is just fine.  She gets all the nutrients she needs from me, or whatever is left of me. 

Get back to me in a week when this all supposedly ends, and suddenly I feel better than ever.

My body will learn to use a new source for fuel, and I will not longer feel like I am starving.
I should get more energy, less cravings, more even moods, and the other symptoms should disappear.

  Maybe then I will have nicer things to say.  Until then...

You have all been warned.

You're welcome.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

mother's day

Mother's Day this year fell on a weekend where I was battling sugar highs and lows.  I didn't have much energy or patience with my family, and I was having a hard time being soft and loving toward my children.  It was a hard weekend, and I was full of guilt and heartache for my impatience and sour attitude with my calling as a mother.

Being on a sugar low, doesn't just make you feel yucky physically, but it can really cause problems emotionally, and with morale.  It is hard, and I felt terrible that my tender family was having to deal with it right along with me.  I was worried that Mother's Day would be a disaster.  A day of me feeling terrible and guilty, and just trying to survive.

I woke up Sunday morning, Mother's Day, full of a sweet feeling of gratitude and peace toward my children.  The feeling stayed with me all day, and grew as the day went on.  It was a tender mercy from the Lord, and something I greatly needed.

I didn't really even think much about the day being about me, as a mother.  It was a day to celebrate motherhood, and the blessed calling that it is.
I just felt so grateful to be a mother, and to have the sweet and precious children that I have, and our daughter growing inside of me.

I noticed the little things about them. 

Like the time all four kids were sitting up at the table for breakfast that morning.  I noticed all of their big blue eyes, and adorable light blond hair.  The way they all looked alike, yet different.  I looked at them, and studied each of their sweet features and innocent faces, and my heart was so full.  I turned to Ben and said, "Well, we now have a full table of children."  He looked at our precious bunch and gratefully said, "yup, a whole table full."  It made us smile.

Or the time the night before, where we went to a restaurant for a Mother's Day dinner, and ended up waiting over 2 hours in a crowded isle before we got a table.  It was 8:00pm before we were able to get our food.  My children patiently waited the entire time.  They were tired, and weak with hunger, but they were amazing sports, and tough little souls, as we waited out those 2 long hours.  I was so proud of them.

I noticed their eager desires to show me their love for me in the childlike ways. 

Like William bursting through the door with a huge grin on his face and an armful of flowers to give me.  He was so thrilled to give me something, and to have me smell them over and over again.

I noticed William's adorable chubby cheeks, big squishy hands, and his warm cuddly body when he gives me his huge bear hugs. I noticed the happy twinkle in his eyes.  His hilarious and magnetic personality and adorable and hilarious things he says, and how he says them.  I recognized his joy when we play together and when I sing him songs.

I noticed Luke's constant desire to snuggle and be near me.  At times, this can be exhausting for me and difficult, but on this day, it was so sweet and special. 
I noticed his adorable curly blond hair, and sweet innocent puppy dog eyes.  His hilarious dance he does when I come back from being gone, even if I am gone for just a few minutes.  They overwhelming joy he has when I let him vacuum up a mess. The way his whole face lights up when I enter a room, and the way he looks so peaceful and smells so good when he is sleeping.

I noticed Sam's desire to sit by me at church, and at the dinner table, and his request for me to tuck him in and kiss him goodnight.  His request to play memory with me, and have me watch his new bike trick.
 I noticed his little boy desire to still be near me, even though his big boy self can't show it too much.  I noticed his big blue eyes searching mine for approval when he gave me his homemade card he made for me, and his happiness when I loved it!  I noticed his cheeks, that are still hanging on to his little boy chub just enough to keep his face so innocent and sweet. I notice his grin when I hug him on his way to school, even though he tries his best to hide it.

I noticed Mary's extra effort to keep peace with her brothers, pick up here and there, and the extra time she spent making me a beautiful and creative card for Mother's Day.
I noticed her desire to help, and the way she recognizes what really does help me, in a natural nurturing way.  She is extremely aware and always so eager to show me her love by finding a need and filling it the best she can.  I noticed her peacemaker personality in her little social world, and her deep desire to be good and do good. I noticed her blossoming from childhood into young womanhood becoming more apparent and beautiful.  I recognized the growing friendship we have, and the way I find myself chatting with her and enjoying her company as another girl in the house, and friend. She has a very sweet and valiant personality.

I was overjoyed to learn that my anxiously anticipated Mothers Day gift from my children (they could hardly contain their excitement to give it to me) was several new pairs of socks.  It was simple, and maybe silly to some, but it was the unsaid gift behind it that touched my heart.
It meant so much to me that they noticed what I really love and enjoy.  They recognize that their mom is always wearing socks, and loves new, soft, fuzzy, socks.  It is such a simple thing, but it meant so much to me that they recognized this small thing about their mother, that makes her happy, and were so excited to give that to me.

It seems like I noticed each and every kick and flutter taking place in my stomach that day.  There were more than usual, and each one sent a surge of joy through me, as it reminded me of this very special, and long awaited for child that will finally be coming home to us.   I was humbled as I reflected on the numerous times this pregnancy the Lord has intervened, and by his grace, we have kept this daughter of ours alive and growing inside of me.

My heart was so full all day, and I was constantly wiping away a tear here, or some sniffles there out of so much gratitude for my role as a mother to these wonderful children of mine. 

Motherhood can be so, so hard, demanding, exhausting, stressful and discouraging.

But it is also so much more than that.  It is a divine heavenly, and blessed calling.  It is important, significant and holy.  It is full of love, joy, sweet moments, precious children and blessings that far exceed the struggles.

I am so humbled and grateful to be a mother, and to be entrusted with these sweet, innocent, and precious spirits from our Heavenly father.  They have been entrusted to me, and I take that calling seriously.  I am humbled and grateful that Mary, Sam, William, Luke and our daughter in utero were sent to me, to be their mother here on Earth.

I am so blessed.  I am a mother.


Mary just finished her first ever full soccer season.  Her team name was the "Monarchs."  She had a cute little team, with very fun players with fun personalities.
We were a little worried, because it is a little late to be just starting soccer, at her age.  We knew she would be with girls that have been doing the sport for years, and didn't want her to feel discouraged.
We had no reason to be concerned.
Mary's unbelievable endurance and strength and coordination she has gained through gymnastics, proved to be a huge help to her!
There were several games when they didn't have enough players to sub out, so the team had to run the entire game.  Mary was able to tough it out and run her heart out for the full hour.  Her coach would end up putting her in whatever position they needed to fill, because someone was just lying down on the field out of fatigue.
She would just run and run and run and run. 
She also picked up the sport quickly, and by the last few games was able to steal the ball, dribble down the field, and try to score numerous times.  Somewhere along the way, she also picked up some little foot work tricks.
She picked it up quickly, and she really love it.  We are extremely proud of her for being willing to try new things. 
I think this sport will be a keeper for my kids.
Mary is in the pink shorts on the left

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

cutting the carbs

I met with my dietitian today, to discuss our plan of attack for my gestational diabetes.

This will be my new normal for the next 5-6 months. ( I have to continue this diet until 6 weeks after I have the baby)
That "ReliOn" is my new finger poking device.  I got all ready for the first, big , epic finger poke (with William eagerly watching in anticipation, and my eyes squeezed shut), and realized that I forgot to buy testing strips.  Yeah, go me.  Obviously, there is a learning curve with all of this.

At first, when the doctor called and told me I had gestational diabetes, I was really frustrated and down.  It felt overwhelming and like it was just another thing to add to the list of complications this pregnancy.  I also thought that is was going to be an absolute nightmare trying to constantly count sugar, watch portions, check my blood, and learn a whole new diet. 

I hate dieting, in any form, when I am not pregnant ( I believe in balance in ALL food groups and exercise, with no guilt over occasional treats), but when I am pregnant, a strict diet seems like a form of torture! 

I crave, I eat, I am happy.  Happy pregnant Becky.

I crave, I can't have, I can't eat, I am grumpy and sad.  Sad pregnant Becky.

After today though, I feel much better about the whole thing.  It is really simple and easy...on paper.

I studied sports medicine for 4 years, and aside from that, I took numerous nutrition classes.  I understood the numbers and the terms.  I already knew about diabetes, what causes it, how to help it, and all that good stuff.  That was nothing new, and thankfully, it was a lot more simple than I anticipated.

I don't  really feel better because I learned anything new with Becky, my dietitian.  I felt better, because I have had time to realized how much this new diet can benefit me AND my family. 

Also, after hearing about all of the risks this can cause to my baby, I am more motivated than ever to be strict with it and be a good girl.  Her pancreas is actually forming this week, as we speak, and that is where all of the insulin and sugar regulation take place in the body.  My blood sugar and hers are the exact same, so we need to get it normal asap, especially while that vital organ of hers is forming.

It is actually a great reason for ALL of us to start eating a little better.  We don't eat terrible, and I will not be a fanatic, but there is always room for small improvements.

I am still not at all thrilled about poking my fingers 5 times a day, and to be limited down to 15 carbs per meal.   I won't be counting sugar at all, it is all about the carbs.  I guess that is nice.

At first, my new diet plan of 15 carbs per meal didn't seem bad to me at all, and then I sat down to eat lunch after working out today, and was in for a shock.

One slice of our whole wheat bread is MORE than my 15 carb. limit. ONE SLICE!
 6 wheat thins= 15 carbs
1/2 a banana= more than 15 carbs

I could only have one of these (and not even a whole one of these), and normally, I have all of them in one meal, plus some.  Yikes! 

In fact, almost all of my "go to" foods that are filling and satisfy my pregnancy cravings, are not in my diet plan anymore. They are not unhealthy foods at all, just unhealthy for the diabetic me.

Basically, I need to get used to meals full of meat and vegies, really fast!  Eggs are also great.  Too bad I got so sick with them in the first trimester, and now can't stand them.
Somehow I am going to have to say a sad, and hard goodbye to my beloved breads, pastas, and treats, and only have them in VERY small amounts. .

One big bonus to all of this, is that I am already hitting the exercise goals.  Exercise plays a really big role in regulating my blood sugar, especially if it gets high, so it felt good to know that I am already in a good routine with that....and that it MAY mean I can splurge on about 2 inches of an unfrosted brownie every now and then.  Yeah, go me.

Ben actually wants to try this new diet with me, but obviously he won't need to be quite as extreme as I have to be.  He has been wanting to limit his carbs too though, and what better way than to do it along with your wife, who is being forced into it.  He is awesome like that!  Doing this with Ben will make it easier and it will be nice to have someone to relate with.

I have also decided that we might as well cut back on all of the unrefined sugars in our house as well.  None of that is ever good for anyone, but right now, it is basically poison to me.

My new snacks will also be the kids new snacks.  (nuts, string cheese, vegies) I am not going to completely sever sugar out of their lives...that is just cruel and mean.  They are children after all.  They will still get treats and stuff, just not as often, and in smaller amounts.

It will be a good change for all of us, and aside from helping my little girl in utero, I guess that makes me feel like there will be some good to come of this.

So, in order to make lemonade out of lemons, (sugar free of course)  I am going to embrace my new "diet" as an opportunity to start a little bit more of a healthy eating plan in our house. 

Here we go!

soccer man sam

Spring soccer has already come and gone!  Pretty crazy.

Sam came into the season extremely excited and full of confidence.  He loves soccer, and plays it every day at recess and after school with his friends.  He has actually become pretty good at it, and he has a killer goal kick!

He had a great season, and was able to score a goal in a game...which we were all praying would happen.  It meant so much to him.

He is a really good defender and he is a smart player as well.  He loves to "run really fast" and "kick the ball harder than ever!"  He has improved a ton from last year up to now, most of that has been with his confidence and strength.

I am so proud of our Sammy Boy and his determination and motivation.

We are anxious to see how he progresses even more, with age and time.

Soccer is an awesome sport!

Because it was spring soccer, every single game, aside from two from two of them, it was snowing, raining, windy, or flat out freezing.  Due to this, we didn't get any pictures, aside from this one. 
Hopefully we will have more success in the fall!

the chocolate freckle

William has been really into freckles lately.  Lucky for him, I have an abundance of them, and he likes to sit and touch each of them and comment on them.

It is pretty funny actually, and I love his little chubby fingers and big, blue, curious eyes poking at and looking at my arms and legs. 

The other day, William came walking into the room and announced to me that he had a "chocolate freckle."  He was very matter-of-fact, and I could tell he had been examining it for a long time.

He then sat down by me and spread his fingers apart.

Yes indeed, it looked like he had a spec of chocolate or something in between his fingers.  I gently scratched at it, and them smelled it.  After all, chocolate and poop are not fun things to mix up.  Any parent can tell you that.
Upon closer inspection, it is indeed a freckle!
For whatever reason, this completely cracked me up, and I instantly fell in love with the "chocolate freckle" and it's very unique placement.

William is so incredibly proud of it, and loves to show anyone.

He is so proud, in fact, that Luke feels like he needs to also have a "chocolate freckle", in order to join in all the hype.  He likes to show us his invisible freckle.

Gotta love my William and his cute, special markings.

Friday, May 9, 2014

keep your eye on the prize

Remember my blog post yesterday?  The one where I was so happy to finally have an appointment that was normal, without any complications or worry.  Yeah, those few hours of innocent bliss were nice, but unfortunately, short lived.

After the blood glucose test, I continued to feel worse and worse as the day went on.  I was nauseous, really weak, sweating, light headed, extremely irritable and down, and felt like sleeping for 10 years.

I wasn't too surprised when my OB called.  They got the results from the glucose test back, and my numbers were extremely high.  I am talking, really, really high.

She diagnosed me with pretty severe gestational diabetes right on the spot, and told me to call a dietitian immediately to start a diabetic diet plan, get some devices to begin testing my blood sugar 6 times a day, get things regulated as soon as possible, and to set up a plan for the rest of this pregnancy.

Oh joy. 

Funny how the Lord works.  Last week, as I was praying for our baby and this pregnancy, I had a very strong prompting to look in gestational diabetes.  I was borderline with it during Sam's pregnancy, and although I wasn't tested for it with Williams pregnancy, they think that his 91/2 pounds at birth may have been a result of the same thing.

So, the next morning, I consulted Dr. Google.  I looked at the signs and symptoms of gestational diabetes, and I was astounded that I could relate to every single symptom.

After I saw this, I called my OB and asked her if she would check my glucose levels at my next appointment (which was yesterday).  She told me that it was a month earlier than they would normally check that, and that I fit absolutely NONE of the criteria to have gestational diabetes, but since I was concerned, they would go ahead with it.

When she called yesterday to tell me how high my numbers are, and how severe this is with me, she mentioned that we may have just saved some permanent damage that could have happened to our little girl (her heart, pancreas, and her own chances of being born diabetic), had I waited even just one more month.  My numbers were that bad.

Yes, I am discouraged.  Yes, I have cried.  Not because I am afraid of having this (there are so many worse things out there), more because I am just frustrated.  It is just one more complication of this pregnancy to worry about.  I knew this pregnancy would not be "normal."  I was told that in a blessing from Ben early on, but I didn't realize that it wouldn't be just one bad thing to worry about, it would be several things, that would come and go, and constantly test our faith, patience, and trust in the Lord.

But, I also can't help but feel so blessed.  The Lord has once again, intervened in this pregnancy to help me, and my doctor catch something in time, before any permanent damage could happen to our little girl.  This has happened numerous times in the past 22 weeks, and a few times, has literally saved the life of our baby.  Even though things continue to pop up, each thing has been overcome and dealt with, through the grace of God.  I am so grateful for personal revelation, inspiration, a good doctor, and tender mercies.

Even though there will be some big changes for me, and this is something that will require a lot of checking, monitoring, doctor appointments, finger poking, feeling like crap, and constantly balancing and working on, I am willing to go through this.  It is not fun, and will not be fun, but I will do it. After all, I have a good chance of this only lasting 18 weeks, until the baby is born.   I can do almost anything for 18 weeks, especially if it means protecting my baby.

The more I can keep my blood levels normal, the more chances we have of it not effecting our baby.  I will hold on to that hope.  There are definitely some big risks to her, if my blood levels don't stay controlled, but for now, she is fine.

Once it is under control, the only big concern will be that our "little" girl, could be a "big" girl at birth.  But, now her size will be monitored closely toward the end of the pregnancy, and if she is getting too big, I will deliver her a little early.

Fine with me.  The sooner I hold this baby in my arms, and know all is well, and that we made it, the better!  Chubby babies are my favorite anyway.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

half way, plus a week or two!

So, today I woke up, and of course, I was hungry.  That tends to happen when you are growing a human inside of yourself.

Instead of eating about 10 of the pancakes I made for my family, I got to drink a glass of water.  Awesome.

Then, about 30 minutes later, I was at my OB's office, in the lab, being handed a drink that literally looked like snow cone syrup on steroids.   Sugar is the one thing that still makes me feel really sick, so to me, I felt like I was staring at a bottle of orange poison.

I was told to drink this lovely concoction, on an empty stomach, while the lab lady sat and stared at me.  No pressure or anything.  Apparently, the drink is so gross, that women were lying about drinking it at home, before their appointment. So now, we all get to suffer while a lab tech stares at us.  What gives!

I choked down the thick, sugary substance, looked at the lady and then decided to tell her, that I am pretty sure a Snickers would have served the exact same purpose.  She laughed and sent me up to my appointment, I wasn't joking.  All the way up to the office, the sugary syrup was making it's way through my blood system, and making me feel like a starving, jittery, nauseous, wired person.

Thankfully, my appointment was brief, and full of normalcy.  At this point, normal is awesome!  Baby's heart sounded great, she is growing right on target, my blood pressure was normal for the first time (probably because I was too sugared up and sick to worry about something being wrong with me or the baby), and the review of the ultrasound I had 2 weeks ago, that was sent to my OB, looked great.  I was thrilled to have a normal appointment, and to hear another doctor say that all is well.  It was also really fun to be able to refer to our baby as a she, instead of an it.  Good appointment.

I finished my appointment happy, but feeling horrible from the sugar, and went back to the lab.  This time, so the same lab lady could draw my blood.  Funny how she commented on my looking a little green.  Right when I was thinking, "well, at least it is just a finger prick this time, nothing big,"  she pulled out a big ol' needle, stabbed me and took two vials of my blood.  What the?!? 
 Good times.

I met up with Ben 1/2 way home, and we swapped cars, info about the appointment,  and kids.  He headed on to work, I headed home with the boys.

I came home, grabbed a few pieces of whole wheat bread to try to help with the nausea, changed, and  headed to the gym.  I just wanted to work that sugar out of my system, and to feel normal, while the boys were in good hands at the kids club, away from their glucose crashing momma.  I am so grateful for the gym, and that I am able to go.  It was refreshing.

Now, I am home.  Feeling better, but crashing fast. Sugar crashes aren't pretty folks.

Can I just tell you how thrilled I am that I will never, EVER, have to do that blood glucose test again!  There are a lot of things I will probably miss about pregnancy (although I have yet to find one, aside from knowing I am growing a sweet, innocent, squishy, precious baby), but this is another one of those things that I am celebrating that I will NOT miss, and I will never have to do again!  

Um, maybe I should knock on wood.  The results aren't back yet, but I am thinking positive here.

And since I never post pregnancy pictures of myself, I decided that I should take a picture, since I am at the half way point, and this is my last pregnancy. 

So, here we are, at 22 weeks. 

 Say hello to baby girl Maynard in utero. 

Hi sweet baby, can't wait to meet you!

  More good news.  I am FINALLY feeling her move every day now.  It isn't much, but I am so grateful. 

I usually feel my babies move around 18 weeks, but this time around, my placenta is anterior, so it is acting as a cushion between me and the baby.  It makes it really hard for me to feel her move, and for the doctor to detect her heartbeat.   Some doctors said I may not be able to feel her move at all, until later in my 3rd trimester. 

Therefore, I am grateful for the tender mercies I feel every day, when I get a swift kick to the groin.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014


Well, even though the weather has been pretty wet the past few days, and I sat in the wind and pouring rain for two solid hours last evening watching soccer games, Spring really has sprung here. 

The sun has been out...mostly, everything is blooming and turning green, birds are chirping, our weeds are almost up to my waist, and the world is coming alive.   I LOVE spring, and I am so glad it is here! 
Along with it, so are my lovely nesting instincts that I get every pregnancy around the 1/2 way point.  That's right folks, I am over half way through this pregnancy! 

Between nesting, and spring fever (which for me means cleaning, organizing, and of course, decorating), I have had an explosion of ideas flowing through my head!  The most I've had since we were building our home.

I have been in a little decorating rut for a while, with the pregnancy sickness, fatigue, and just lack of creativity flow coming my way.  Building the house, and putting in the décor that we have so far, satisfied my décor thirst for quite a while.  I still love our home, and am content with the choices we have made with it so far.

I got a burst of energy on Saturday, and on top of spending lots of hours deep cleaning and organizing our house, every time I walked into a room, I would get flooded with all sorts of ideas, improvements, paint jobs, and organizing I want to do.

I has been so fun to feel that rush of excitement I get when I have an awesome idea in my head, and I start researching and putting it all together.  At this point, I have an overflow of them.  I finally had to make a document with all of my ideas on the computer, so I didn't end up forgetting everything.  Seriously, when I am pregnant, if it is not written down, it does not exist after about 2 minutes.

Building my nest is definitely a big hobby of mine, and something I get a lot of joy and excitement out of.  I don't really know if I am good at it, by other's standards, or not, but I guess it doesn't really matter.  As long as I like it, and feel happy in my home surrounded by our style, favorite things, and my own touch and comforts. My goal is to just make a happy, cozy, safe haven for my family, and those who visit us.  I am not going for a show home, I am going for our nest.

My first big project is going to be putting a backsplash in our kitchen.  I have spent a week watching DIY videos and trying to decide on a color of backsplash.  Picking a color has been hard, but I think I finally found it!

 I decided to go with color, instead of neutrals on this one.  My style is to make the permanent things neutral, and then throw in all the color I want to with décor that can be swapped out or painted over.

This will be the first thing in our home, with color, that is permanent. Eek, I am pretty nervous, but excited to learn something new, cozy up the kitchen with my style, and see how it all turns out.  I will post pictures whenever this project is done, or at least in the works.  It may be a while.

I also plan on doing some other projects as well. Painting a room,  cute wallpaper in a few places, baby's room (happy dance here), nobs on things, rugs, and some bigger projects in the boys room and garage as well.

Of course, we have a yard to put in this spring,  and I don't have a money tree, so this will all take time and saving up.

And lest we forget, I am pregnant, and not getting any smaller, so things could get interesting.  :)

 But, oh, the excitement it all brings.

Happy days.


Saturday, May 3, 2014

luke's wonderland

The other day, I had to go to Home Depot to check out some weed killer stuff.  Yes, more yard stuff.    I dropped William off a preschool, and Luke and I headed to the store.

I don't know why I didn't realize that Home Depot would probably be a wonderland for my vacuum lover Luke, but it turned out to be a very fun trip.

The second we walked in the door, Luke started yelling, "vacuum" over and over again.  We didn't see any, but he knows a place that will house a vacuum when he see's one.  There was no doubt in his little mind that there would be plenty of his beloved vacuums at this amazing store.

As I made our way over to the yard section, Luke saw all of the lawn mowers.  He was literally bouncing up and down in his seat in the cart and shrieking out of joy while pointing to them.  He just couldn't believe how awesome they were.  I let him touch them and look at them, before we moved on.

A few minutes later, as I was just wondering around the store getting way too many ideas for fun projects around the house, a massive forklift went driving by us.  Luke immediately started frantically waving to the driver and begging to follow.

So, I followed the forklift and Luke and I sat and watched as it was used to get a huge crate from a shelf that was up by the ceiling.  Luke was literally frozen in place, and didn't even blink the entire time.  He was in complete amazement and awe.

Next up was the vacuum isle.  There isn't really a way to explain how Luke reacted to shelf, after shelf of vacuums, in all sizes and shapes.  He looked like he was going to explode with joy, excitement, and overload from the whole experience.
I found some vacuums closer to the ground, and let him touch them and push the buttons for a long time.

As I was sitting there wondering how I was ever going to get Luke away from his beloved vacuum heaven, a guy walked by with a big, huge, fluffy dog.  Luke's second favorite thing.

Luke immediately started shouting "Goggy" and waving as fast as he could.  Thankfully, the man with the dog, stopped walking and let Luke pet the dog.  Luke was grinning a hugging the dog like it was his best friend.

After the dog left, I hurriedly went to the checkout line...not to purchase weed killer ( a story for another day), but for sample backsplash tiles.  Yup, my mind works like that at the moment.  Oh, but I have an awesome project in the making now.

At the checkout, there was a huge bin with literally 100's of suckers inside of it.  Luke's 3rd favorite thing.  I let him pick out a sucker in hope that it would distract him from the fact that we were leaving.

He happily sucked on his sucker, until I was almost out the door, and he saw the floor cleaning equipment.  He almost jumped out of the cart himself trying to get to it, so I let him indulge for a few minutes.
the look on his face, a mix of wonder and awe, was pretty much there the entire time we were at the store

We finally left the store, and Luke and I sat grinning on the way home.  Luke, because he had just been to the most amazing place he has ever been in, in his entire life!  And me, because I got to watch my son have the time of his life...for about $1.50 (in backsplash samples).  In reality, something like that is priceless.

It was a great time with my Lukie Luke.