My Reasons

My Reasons

This Is Where It All Begins

This Is Where It All Begins

Friday, October 28, 2011


For some people, the existence of angels is questionable. It is something that requires faith and maybe stepping out on a limb. I can understand this point of view.

For me however, I have never doubted that there are many, many individuals on the other side of the veil, that are constantly watching over us, and at times, making bold moves to protect us or warn us. This week, the angels were very near my little Sammy, and I am so grateful.

On Tuesday, as Sam was eating a bowl of frozen berries, I was reading a few things and cleaning the kitchen. I heard his spoon crash to the floor, and glanced over at him. He was completely blue and trying to get off the stool and over to me. He was choking.

So many things can go through the human mind in a few seconds at a time like this. My first thought was of worry. I was scared that by doing the heimlich maneuver, I would break his ribs. I also thought about when to call 911. I was also trying to remember first aid. I was scared out of my mind. As Sammy slowly slipped out of consciousness, I grabbed his little body and as soon as I pulled him off of the stool to begin first aid, the jerking motion helped him to swallow the strawberry that was lodged in his throat. To me, this was a miracle. It was a whole strawberry! That thing wasn't going anywhere without some divine intervention. I believe angels were near.

As Sam gasped for air, we both cried and I hugged my little boy a little tighter the rest of the day.

I wish I could say, that was the end of it, but it was only the beginning.

On Wednesday evening, I was just finishing up with Activity Days, and making sure all of the girls had a way to get home. Sam asked if he could play outside in our circle, and I said yes.

I wish I could say that I had some thought or premonition about him, but I didn't. I didn't think twice really.

A few minutes later, I heard Ben yell Sam's name. He was just pulling in the driveway after work. The yell didn't sound good. Ben came blasting through the door carrying Sam who was screaming his head off. Sam had blood dripping from his ear.

I am not a doctor, but I have 6 years of Sports Medicine studies in my brain, as well as a CNA certification. (that is now totally outdated) I know full well, that blood from the ear is a bad thing, a really bad thing.

Ben had found Sam running home screaming, and it looked like he had been hit by a construction truck that was parked in our circle. Ben and I were worried.

Sam eventually told us, through sobs, that he had been hit in the head with a golf club. It was an accident. The kid that hit him, is a very strong and very coordinated kid. The hit was hard.

Sam screamed and screamed and screamed. His ear bled and swelled. I soon saw that the blood was coming from a cut on his ear, not from inside his ear. That gave me some relief. Sam eventually went into shock, and again scared me to death. He was literally writhing on the couch in pain.

We called a doctor, who told us she couldn't give us info over the phone. It was after hours, and we really didn't think much could be done for an ear, so we just tried to help Sam, and eventually he calmed down and fell asleep.

This part kills me. I know better than this. What was I thinking! I let him fall asleep! My kid was just smashed in the head and he was sleeping. I can't believe I didn't think more about it. How many tests did I take about this. How many times were signs and symptoms of concussions drilled into my head. I was more concerned about his ear, and for some reason, I wasn't thinking much about a head injury. ugh

And then the clear fluid began dripping out. It dripped and dripped and dripped. Sam slept in our bed with us, and I had a napkin that I had to keep dabbing his ear with. Thank goodness, I did recognize this as a bad sign, and I knew more was wrong.

The next morning I took Sam to the doctor. She saw the clear fluid and the swelling of Sams ear, and then declared Sam's injury as an emergency and sent us to a specialist in Salt Lake. (yes, this all went down on Ben's Birthday). I had to pull Mary out of school early, and jet up to Salt Lake. Ben met us there. The specialist was booked solid, but got us in. He said that Sam's ear needed to be stitched, but it was too late now. Geeze. He also suspected a skull fracture, and possibly a bleed in the brain and sent us to Primary Childrens for a CAT scan. A bleed in the brain can be fatal and can slowly happen over a few days without many signs or symptoms.

I am sure you can guess the freak out going on in our heads as parents as this point.

We dropped Mary off at gymnastics and headed up to Primary Childrens. It took 30 minutes to get Sam to do the CAT scan. He was absolutely terrified of the machine. The technician tried everything to help him. Toys, bubbles, stickers, ect. The last resort was to sedate him, and we REALLY didn't want to do that. They finally had to strap him down to the bed. It was horrible. The killer, is that he had to be completely still. I prayed and prayed and prayed. And all of the sudden, Sam just calmed down and held still. Another miracle. More help for unseen sources.

A few minutes later the specialist called us and gave us the lowdown.
No bleeding in the brain!!!! I can't describe the relief.
Sam's skull is very bruised and he has a hairline fracture to his skull as well.
Because the fracture was small, we were able to come home with Sam, with strict orders for him to lay low and be careful. (not easy for a 4 year old boy)

Although, it is a very serious injury for my little boy, I feel that we were blessed. It could have been so much worse. There is no reason it wasn't worse. I know that Sam was protected this week in so many ways. Prayers are answered and angels exist.

Today we are celebrating Ben's Birthday, and we are all walking a little lighter knowing that Sam is going to be ok.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

First Date

Mary and I had our first date this week. It was Mary's idea, and I wish it would have been mine. I had no idea how much this one evening would mean to my little girl.

The boys went on a date of their own, and got some yummy ice cream and then went to a friends house to visit and play.

Mary and I headed to her favorite store. Justice For Girls. We blasted Taylor Swift in the car on the ride over, and sang about as loud as we could. This store is one I found a few months ago, and I knew it has Mary's name written all over it. It is pretty much a store made for girls her age. It is so girly and spunky that it makes me laugh. Mary is not a big shopper, but when she goes in this store, she goes nuts. She was so excited to be on a date with me and to be in the store, that she all of the sudden became really talkative. It was great. It took a long time for her to narrow down what she wanted, to three things. I have a feeling Santa will be spending some time at that store as well.

Mary is not quiet at home, but for those of you who know her, she does not say much to most people. And she hardly says a word to strangers. Her gymnastics coach still can't get more than a few words out of her, and she is with her 12 hours a week.

I let her pick out a few things, and when we got to the register, the clerk started talking to Mary. To my absolute shock, Mary held a conversation with her, and she didn't even look shy!!! I guess the excitement of the moment over rode her fear. I was the one who was speechless.

On our way out of the store, Mary stopped mid-step in the parking lot and said, "Oh wow. I don't think I have ever talked to someone like that so much in my entire life. I am so embarrassed!" I cracked up and told her that it was a good thing and that she should try talking more often. She just giggled and we went on our way, hand in hand.

Next, it was off to the movie. Mary really wanted to see Dolphin Tale, so that is where we went. I let her get a kids meal, which is a VERY rare treat. She was thrilled! I just took my zofran and had to call it good. But oh man, did I want those nachos. Maybe next trimester.

Before the movie, Mary wrote in her new journal (that she got at Justice For Girls). She loves journals, and she wanted to write about our date. She drew some cute pictures and wrote in the date and a few things about how much fun it was. I was again shocked with how much this date meant to her.
The movie was awesome. My and my pregnancy hormones had a great time boobing away, and Mary couldn't get over how cool the dolphin was.

The movie ended late, so it was time to head home after it was over. We beat the boys home, so Mary and I decided to look up "Winter the dolphin" (from the movie) on the computer. While we were looking at the pictures Mary slipped a necklace over my head. It was one half of the best friend necklace I bought her that evening. She was going to give it to one of her friends. Instead, I am the lucky one. She gave me a big hug and thanked me for the date. She said it was the best night ever. What a precious moment for this lucky mommy.

Even though the necklace is too small (so it is basically a choker), hot pink and changes colors with my mood, I wear it every day, and every once in a while, Mary will come up to me and match her half to mine and smile.

I think more dates are in store, for all of my kids. It was sure a special night.

Oh, how I love my little girl.

(cut me some slack, I am still sick, just look at the cute girl I am hugging instead)

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Cornbelly's (and a tidbit about zofran)

A friend here in our neighborhood decided to head up a "field trip" to Cornbelly's for anyone in the neighborhood who wanted to go.

We have never been there before, so I figured it would be similar to a pumpkin patch. Cute, fun, small, and good for the kids. Seeing that the kids have been more that patient with me being so sick and boring, I decided to add our name to the list, and give them something to do for 1/2 a day.

Little did I know where we were going. This place was incredible!
It is located at Thanksgiving Point, and it is HUGE. It was nothing close to the cute little pumpkin patch I was envisioning. This place felt to me like a massive carnival full of fall stuff.

There were a few adult size corn mazes, and one for children as well. There were several different areas with play areas full of slides, tunnels, swings, hay towers, and so on.

There were three jumping pillows (a favorite for my kids),

rubber duck races (another favorite for Sam),

a hay maze,

a haunted house, hay rides, train rides, a puppet show, pig and goat races, and tons more. We spent 3 1/2 hours there, and we still didn't see it all. I guess we will just have to go back.

My kids had an absolute blast there! It was so great to see them so happy.

It was my second day on Zofran, so I was feeling pretty good myself. Yes, the zofran is working! I feel human again. I do get horrible cramps from it, about every hour or so, and they get really bad and leave me curled in a ball on the floor, or doubled over in pain, but hey, I will take them over nausea any day. I still can't eat sugar without getting sick, but I have a handle on that now too, and I am getting used to my very bland diet, I think. Overall, I am more than thrilled to not feel like I just got off a roller coaster every second of the day. I consider it a big blessing and a tender mercy. OK, back to Cornbelly's.

At one point during the day, I was talking to some friends and watching William play with something. I turned to make sure Sam was ok for a few seconds, and when I turned back, William was gone. I stayed calm for about 1 minute, and then the panic set in. There were literally hundreds of kids there (bus loads to be exact), and the place is gigantic. I told my friends he was lost, and got them in on the search. After a few more minutes (which feels like an hour when your kid is missing), I really freaked out. I started yelling for him and running around. The tears also came. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, but was probably only 5 minutes, I saw his little blonde head peek out from a barn close to where I was. He had gone in there, sat down in the corner and was eating a piece of corn on the cob he found. I think I hugged him until he couldn't breathe once I got to him. He had no clue he was even lost, or that his corn on the cob was probably hours old and covered with dirt. It probably took me 1/2 an hour to calm down after that. *shudder*
I truly will have no problem putting tracking systems inside of my children, once it is invented. Sheesh.

On our way out, the kids were able to pick one pumpkin to bring home. After a 15 minute search, I honestly think they found the biggest one there. It took all three of us to get it into the car. I am sure we were quite the sight.

The sun is in their eyes, but they were so excited about this pumpkin. It now sits on our porch, absolutely dwarfing all of our other pumpkins sitting there. The kids named it "King Pumpkin."

The temperature was perfect and we didn't even need our jackets. It was so nice to get out of the house, into the sun, and to have some fun. My kids came home happy and rejuvenated.

It was a great "field trip" for all of us, and a definite place to return to each fall.

Monday, October 17, 2011


Lets face it, my desire to blog has plunged. Not because I don't like blogging, but because I don't feel like it.

In fact, I don't feel like doing anything aside from going into a coma for the rest of this trimester.

Yup, the nausea blahs have hit, and they have hit hard. Boo.

I have been so sick the past few weeks, that I have actually become a little depressed on the really bad days. Hooray for me. I don't vomit, but I am so nauseated that it is just as bad. I have had a pregnancy where I threw up all day before, and believe me, it is terrible, but this truly is just as terrible. And no, I am not proud of it. I wish it wasn't the case.

I was sick with Mary's pregnancy and the pregnancy of the baby we lost. I was not sick with Sam and William. I have seen both worlds. I was hoping for the better world this time. Oh well, at least I know it will end when the first trimester does.

I have figured a few things out with my nutrition that seem to help a little. I noticed that sugar makes everything worse. Sugar in any form. Milk, sweets, certain breads, some drinks, crackers, some "healthy" cereals, ect.

My diet has dramatically changed. I don't eat a lot of treats anyway, but I have had to look at the sugar in everything, not just treats. I had to get a milk that has almost no sugar in it (only good with cereal, believe me), I only eat Wheaties or grape nuts for breakfast, or toast (bread with no sugar), butter and sugar free jam.

I also have to eat every hour. This is key, or I really get sick. I noticed that meat helps, so I eat plain lunch meat like candy. So gross, I know, but it helps. Bean burritos have become my new staple as well. Oh, and I could seriously drink Taco Bell's mild sauce. I normally don't like that place. But right now....Yummy!

I guess if I can't work out for the next few weeks (makes me very sick), I will at least be eating super healthy. I have already lost weight from the no sugar thing, but that is not a good thing when pregnant I guess. I am not trying to lose weight right now, but I did take note that the no sugar thing could be good for future use, like trying to lose the fun after baby weight.

My doctor called in a prescription for Zofran today. I don't have much hope in Zofran, because it didn't work for me the one other time I took it, but maybe I will have better luck this time. The one other time I took it, the whole pergnancy was going south, I just didn't know it yet. So maybe this time will be different. I am up for anything, just to get some relief in any form.

Enough with the gripes, and onto the reason for the post. I have decided to give a quick update on the happenings around here, because I am too late to give them their own post, and I really want to get to the store and get that zofran.

It is kind of jumbled, but here it is.

I am 7 weeks pregnant. Aside from the sickness, I still am very happy and excited. We all are. We told the kids last week, and it was really fun to see their excitement as well. Mary asks me all the time when my tummy will get big, when we will know the gender, when the baby will come, and so on. It is cute. Sam just asks when I won't be sick anymore, he is so soft hearted and he has been very concerned.

We set up our Halloween decor. around the house and on the porch. The costumes are done and we are in the halloween spirit.

Mary was moved up to level 4 in gymnastics. We have been going back and forth with this for months. It is a big decision and a huge commitment for Mary. A lot of thought, prayer and talking with coaches went into it. We decided to go for it, and Mary started level 4 last week. She absolutely loves it! She has already improved a lot and she is enjoying the challenge of learning new tricks and routines. She is learning a new tumbling pass that has her very excited. She is in the gym three days a week for 4 hours at a time. Somehow, when she comes home after gymnastics she is still full of energy and is bouncing all over the house. She is back with the girls that she was with last year and she is loving being with them again. They are very close, and they are older, so they treat Mary like a little sister (in a loving way).
It feels good to have made the decision, and to see that it was the right one.

Bens 30th Birthday is next week. I have some fun plans in store, lets just hope I am feeling better, so I can put them into action.

Sam started preschool two weeks ago. It is a program that the High School does. It is the first year they have done it, because the High School is new. Sam is having a great time, and I have been very impressed! It is very organized and the students take it seriously. I am so glad that Sam has something like this before he starts kindergarten next year.

Mary has been off track the past three weeks, so we have done some fun things. We did a scavenger hunt with a bunch of other friends and had a great time! The fall colors are gorgeous right now, and it was fun to walk around in them during the hunt. We have also done a bike parade with the neighborhood families, which was so cute and fun. We have made trips to the library, trips to the mountains, and lots of trips to the park. We got a Wii last week, and that is proving to be a saving grace for me right now. We have time limits for the kids (they can play when I can't function anymore). It works out great.

Aside from that, we are just doing our thing. Next week starts the beginning of our holiday season in our house. It is go time from there. Let the games begin!

Thanksgiving will be the beginning of my second trimester. That is the day I am longing for and counting down to. I am hoping to celebrate it with a big, fat, sugar filled, piece of pumpkin pie and no sickness to follow it. A girl can dream right.

Monday, October 10, 2011


There is a reason why I am a little slower to wake and a little faster to go to bed.

There is a reason why it is 11:00am and I am still in my pj's.

There is a reason why I suddenly can't stand chicken, and could eat steak for breakfast.

There is a reason why I tear up when reading Mary her book about Spot, the lost dog.

There is a reason why my pants are feeling a little snug.

There is a reason why I have a smile on my heart all the time.

There is a reason why in a span of 10 minutes I can laugh, cry, get really upset, feel really happy, and then want to puke.

There is a reason why I eat every hour. (at least I have a reason now)

There is a reason why I haven't dusted the house or cleaned the bathrooms in...(um, I am not going to say).

There is a reason why our grass is long enough now, that it is blowing in the wind. I wonder if there is a tiger lying somewhere in there. And maybe a zebra or two.

There is a reason why I can smell EVERYTHING. Super nose is back.
Williams diapers almost kill me, perfume makes me gag, I could swear the church smelled just like pumpkin pie yesterday, and I know the exact deoderant the dude next to me on the treadmill was wearing on Saturday.

There is a reason those 6 mile runs with my friends in the evening are getting harder and harder and feel longer and longer.

There is a reason why I thought I was going to die at exercise group today, even when we were just stretching!

There is a reason why I feel like I just ate a Big Mack and then rode a roller coaster, every second of the day.

There is a reason that I am REALLY excited.

Yup, the prego bug has hit. I have a bun in the oven. It will be done on June 4th, or close to that date.

It is my Birthday, Williams Birthday, the date we lost a baby, and my due date. (insert twilight zone music here)

Nope, the date was not planned at all. We are still wondering if it is a good or bad thing.
Half of our family sharing the same will be like Christmas in June!

No matter when the baby comes, we are very happy and excited to add one more precious child to our family (and most likely the last).

As has been the case since a few pregnancies ago, I am naturally very nervous about keeping this baby through the whole pregnancy. I have pretty big fears, but I also have hope and peace. The Lord has it from here, and I have to trust that.

And so the cat is out of the bag. Wish us luck and a quick end to nausea.