My Reasons

My Reasons

This Is Where It All Begins

This Is Where It All Begins

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Checking In

Hey fellow bloggers,
I am still here, just not able to blog because our computer has been broken for over two weeks now. I am currently in Idaho using my parents computer.

Mary's Birthday was really fun and she had a wonderful day. I got to eat lunch at school with her and it was very entertaining. A post is soon to come.

Christmas was awesome. I LOVED having it on Sunday and being able to go to church on such a special and meaningful day. I wish we could do that more often on Christmas. It really brought the true spirit of the holiday into our hearts and home. A post is soon to come.

The pregnancy is going well....finally! I received a blessing from Ben a few weeks ago when things were pretty bad, and not 24 hours later, everything stopped and I have been just fine since. Behold the power of miracles. ;) I sure have.

The baby is moving and I find that so comforting. I love knowing that she is ok, without having to get the heartbeat at the Dr. office. We will have an ultrasound in a few weeks to check in on the baby, do all of the fun 20 week ultrasound stuff, confirm the gender (even though the tech was pretty sure it was a girl last time) and make sure the placenta is behaving. I am very excited and a little anxious for that appointment. A post will come soon.

Other than that, we are just hangin' out here in Idaho for a few more days, eating lots of yummy food, and then headed back to life.

Hopefully our computer will be back soon, and I can get some pictures on this blog, and check in on all of yours.

Happy New Year!

Friday, December 16, 2011

Rite of Passage

I guess you could say that my family is made up of late bloomers, when it comes to losing teeth. I lost my first tooth, that wasn't pulled by the dentist, in 2nd grade. Yup, 2nd grade. The grade where most kids are losing their 7th and 8th teeth, at least. My sister was the same.
Therefore, we weren't too surprised when Mary's teeth weren't even close to wiggly going into first grade. The poor kid was wiggling her teeth every night, trying to force that long awaited occasion that signifies a huge milestone to kids of her age. The right to show a smile full of holes, the right to show how you can twist, wiggle, and bend your loose teeth into all sorts of grotesque ways, shapes and forms.

And then an amazing thing happened. About a month ago, Mary came to me and showed me her loose tooth! Oh what a day.

After wiggling, twisting, and doing everything she could, the day finally arrived for the tooth to come out. I went upstairs and hid my head under a pillow and sang songs, while Ben got a napkin and got all set. Have I mentioned that anything that has to do with loose teeth and pulling teeth makes me literally sick to my stomach. I had the heebie jeebies all month watching her wiggle that thing. ick.

Well, Ben pulled and yanked and pulled, and the tooth did not come out. Mary has tiny teeth, and he couldn't get a good grip. Darn.

We waited a few more days, and then then big moment arrived. It took a few good yanks, and the tooth was free! Mary was shocked for a few minutes, and then she was elated.

Here is the note the tooth fairy found under Mary's pillow. (with the tooth taped to it). It was adorable!

Poor Mary is not really sporting a toothless smile. Her other tooth decided to make an appearance behind her loose tooth, before it came out. Thus, giving her the name "shark mouth."

She is proud of it though, and smiles as big as she can. She is now working on three more teeth that all of the sudden started wiggling this week. She can now officially enter the world of grade school and holy smiles.

In other Mary news:
She had her first gymnastics meet of the season this weekend. It was her first time competing at level 4. The meet was an in-house meet, so it was kind of a practice meet for the girls. They had real judges and scores, but they also kept it more low key.
Mary did not compete floor or beam, because she is still learning the order of the routines on those events. She knows the skills, she just doesn't know all of the fancy little arm and leg movements and positions that go in between the moves. Her coaches say she will be ready in a few weeks.

She did bars and vault though, and she rocked it! She placed in the top 4 on both events! We were so proud of her. She has been working so hard, and has had to play catch up because she joined the level 4 team just two months ago. Her other meets will start in March, and we are very excited. Good job Mary girl!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

The Appointment....and The Gender (most likely)!

Yesterday morning I woke up to another scare. Same thing that happened last week basically. I had an appointment scheduled for Friday, but I decided that this was not something that should wait.

I called my new OB and they got me in within an hour! Love this place.

We found a very kind soul to watch William and Sam, and Ben came with me to the doctor. We weren't freaking out like we were last week, but we were still very concerned and worried.

I had the ultrasound first. Again, she turned up the volume as we heard the baby's healthy heartbeat, and again, I let some silent tears fall. So much relief after so much anxiety. Such a roller-coaster. Reminder: I lost a baby at exactly this point in the pregnancy a few years ago. It is all still very real and very much at the front of my mind when I have complications like this (that I have NEVER had before).

As the tech measured this and that, we watched our little one kick and play and I couldn't help but smile. Once we knew the baby was fine, and that there was no real danger to be seen, Ben asked if there was any way to know the gender yet. The tech said she would "see what she could see, but the baby is still pretty small."

After more poking and prodding on my VERY sore and tender stomach, the tech said, I can't say it is 100%, but I am pretty sure it is a girl. She then said that a few more times as she got a better look. Ben and I didn't say anything. Our hearts were in our throats, and I think we were both too happy to talk. At the end of the ultrasound, as she was walking out, she said in a very sure tone, "yup, I would say it is a girl." And then she smiled as she shut the door.

That is as sure as we can get right now, and I feel safe to say it is a girl. The doctor also agreed. We will have another ultrasound between 18-20 weeks, if not sooner, and I am sure that is where it will be a done deal and the gender will be solidified as much as it can be before the actual birth.

My mind was in about a million places at this point, as we made our way up to the doctor's office. I am sure Ben felt the same. One thing was for sure though, we were happy, very very happy.

The doctor was amazing. He asked a ton of questions, we asked a ton of questions. He did this test and that test. He looked at the ultrasound, and looked again. He drew blood and he got my history. He pulled out pictures and models and taught us a few things. He spend a lot of TIME with us, and acted truly CONCERNED and WILLING TO HELP. It was awesome.

The conclusion:
We don't know what the heck is happening, but we have some pretty good ideas. The doctor is positive that whatever it is, there is a 95% chance that it will not hurt the baby at this point, especially because the baby looks so strong and has a great heartbeat. He did make sure we know though, that there is still a small, itsy, bitsy chance of things going south, and that we should keep that in the very back corner of our minds.

I do not have placenta previa. Hooray!!!! The placenta moved just enough this past week to rule that out for now. However, it is still lying very low, and easily could be irritating everything, and causing the pain and bleeding.

Another theory, and the one that I feel is correct. The placenta has done a few minor tears away from where it is attached. That explains almost everything. This is not a concern unless there is a tear of over 50% of the placenta. Then it gets bad, really really bad. We would lose the baby for sure, unless I was far enough along for them to do a c-section and save the baby. The doctor does not think that will happen. He thinks the placenta has healed itself each time it has torn so far. To be safe though, I will go in for an ultrasound each time I bleed like I have been, to have the placenta and the baby checked. We are hoping there is no next time though.

So basically, he ruled out everything that would cause immediate harm to our baby at the moment, but also knows that something is happening and it really worries us all out each time it happens.

Oh, and the due date has now gone from June 4th, to June 6th, to May 28th to June 3rd. {Insert shaking of head and chuckling here.} We will just plan on the first week of June.

I go back in in a week, for a follow up and to go over the blood tests, and then we will go from there.

And for other good bed rest! I have been so worried about this, and a little stressed too. Maybe now my nightmares of me being stuck in my bed while the kids are crying next to empty stockings on Christmas morning, and the ward choir is at church waiting for their pianist to show up so they can do the Christmas program, will go away. Honestly.

I have a lot more peace now. I love this doctor and the whole office. Everyone from the receptionist, to the schedulers, to the nurses, to the doctors, are so kind, understanding, and amazing. I am in great hands.

Of course, I worry about my body, and what it is doing and how it can effect the baby, but I feel like it all will be ok, as long as we keep close watch. And oh man, did Ben and I have fun telling the kids and going over some little girl names last night.

Monday, December 5, 2011


First of all,
Thank you to everyone for your advice and for your encouragement to get a new OB. It gave me the push I needed, and I made the change. I truly appreciate your support and advice. It helped a lot to know I was not alone, or just being weird, in my feelings of worry and frustration. Thank you.

I spent Saturday in a great deal of pain, with some spotting to top it off. I called my doctor twice, supposedly they paged him, no one ever called me back.

Sunday was the same. I was in a lot of pain with cramping, I called the doctor three times, each time they said they paged him, I never got a call back. The last time I called, I was very blunt and begged to talk to him or any doctor for that matter. They were not nice, I was ticked, they said a doctor would call, I heard nothing. To say I was upset and worried would be an extreme understatement.

Today, I woke up and called the doctor's office of the new OB I had decided to use. I have to deliver at a certain hospital, so my options are limited, but I got a great recommendation and went with it. I knew that they had never seen me, and had no records, but I asked if I could please be seen today. They had me leave a message for a nurse, and because of my experience this past weekend, I had no hope of getting a call back.

45 minutes later, the nurse called back, and apologized for taking so long. Seriously, I just wanted to kiss her for calling back so quickly or even at all. I was thrilled to finally hear from someone!

She was incredible. She listened to me describe my past 4 days. She was so understanding and more than willing to try to figure out what is going on. She took it very seriously and could not believe I was sent home from the ER being told not to worry and to resume normal activity. She even looked up my ultrasound results and my paper work from the ER while I was on the phone with her! How awesome is that.

She told me that she would talk with the doctor and call me back. And she did, and it was fast! Hooray!

The doctor (who will not be my new doctor, but was so awesome and willing to step in today, and who works with my new OB) said that I need to at least be on moderate bed rest starting right now. No lifting William, no exercising, and no unnecessary work of any kind.
She says I most likely (not for sure) have partial or full placenta previa, but that is not the reason for the bleeding and cramping. In fact, that will not be a big worry until the third trimester, if it has not corrected itself. BUT, they plan on closely monitoring it from here on out and treating the symptoms with it if and when they come.

That said, they are going to try to find the source of my bleeding, cramping and back pain. They have some guesses, some scary, some not, but nothing is for sure yet.


THEY, not I....THEY scheduled an appointment for me to see the doctor asap! I go in Friday morning for an ultrasound and then an appointment right after. Hopefully we will know what is happening after that. Good or bad, I just really need to know what to plan on and what to do about it. Being in the dark is horrible.

Both the nurse and the doctor were phenomenal! My new OB works with them, and they only had great things to say about him as well. I am so relieved.

I am done with my other OB, and I honestly feel like I am in very good hands now, and that I am with the doctor that I need to be with right now.

I do know that something is not right and that my body is trying to tell me something, but I also have hope. I am pretty nervous for Friday, and for what they may discover, but I do have peace and feel that my baby is ok. I may just have to sacrifice a lot more than expected to keep it that way. I hope I am strong enough.

Friday, December 2, 2011

The Scare

Yesterday was my second OB appointment. I had been having some cramping and some back pain, so of course, I was worried. I worry a lot now. Once you experience the worst case scenario with pregnancy, you will worry with each pregnancy after. At least, that has been the case with me. And it is normal, or so I have been told.

My worry has subsided since giving birth to William though, and this pregnancy has not been nearly as nerve-wracking as his was....until yesterday.

My doctor here is a little "interesting." Granted, I have only seen him twice, but he really doesn't seem to care too much. My first appointment, he didn't even give me "the exam" that we all get to experience. He just asked me questions, interrupted me a lot, didn't really listen, did an ultrasound, to calm my fears and get a heartbeat (my request) and sent me on my way. He forgot me as soon as I walked out the door. I never saw him write anything down, and I have a history what most doctors would be writing down and asking about. I got the feeling that he wasn't listening, at all.

My appointment yesterday was similar. I told him that I thought I was anemic. I was anemic for a year, severely anemic for 6 months of that year. I have lost 35% of my blood before. Believe me, I know what it feels like, and I know I am anemic right now. He glanced at my chart from 5 weeks ago, and said, "your iron looks fine." uuummm, yes, I am sure it was 5 WEEKS AGO. A lot can happen in 5 weeks buddy. Especially in pregnancy.
He never measured me, or talked about my concerns with the cramping and back pain, but he did get a good strong heartbeat. And I did a HUGE sigh of relief. We scheduled my 18 week ultrasound, he moved my due date back 2 days to June 6th (for reasons unknown??), then he sent me on my merry way.

Move ahead three hours.

I got home from taking Mary to gymnastics (and running out of gas on 106...yup, that was fun), I went to the bathroom, and there it was. The very thing I have nightmares about now. The one thing that I dread finding. The culprit of my pregnancy fears. Blood, and lots of it. Enough to make me call for Ben.

I go into shock, Ben looks like he just saw a ghost, and time kind of just froze for a few minutes. Then we went into action mode. We found a sitter for Sam, packed the diaper bag, Ben forces me to eat dinner because I was previously starving (good man) and I call and call and call my doctor. The nurse says he will call back.

So we wait, and wait and wait. It was awful.

45 minutes later, yes...45 minutes later, the doctor calls. I told him what was going on. He tells me to go to the ER where he will order an ultrasound.

We go to the E.R. where they say there is no ultrasound ordered. So, we call the doctor again.

And we wait and wait and wait. The order never comes.

40 minutes later, we just check in to the ER, forget the ultrasound order, and I get into a room, and we wait, and wait and wait.

They decide to check me, and then do the ultrasound in the ER. They say they need to get a nurse and will be right back.

Then we wait and wait and wait. The thoughts going through my mind were nuts. Worry, stress, sad, hope, fear, prayers, lots of prayers, and so on. The nurse comes 30 minutes later and they do an exam.

Finally, we got the ultrasound. I thought my lungs were going to burst out of my chest with anxiety. And then there was a heartbeat. Major relief is the only word to describe it, but it doesn't even adequately describe what we felt. I was so relieved I got light headed. I knew we weren't out of the woods, but seeing the heartbeat made me not care about what may come next.

We saw our baby, and then the tech. went on to measure other things.

The results:
The baby is strong and fine, and a week and a 1/2 bigger than we thought. My due date was changed to May 28th. It went from June 4th to June 6th to May 28th in about 6 hours. My placenta is very low. It is not in the right place at the moment. The ER doctor said that it was placenta previa. Full placenta previa.

What to do:
According to the ER doctor: Lots of ultrasounds from here on out, monitoring my bleeding, and if the placenta doesn't move, I will have the baby c-section. Oh, and partial bed rest until the cramping and bleeding stop. This was the prognosis of the ER doctor. The doctor I trusted and that listened to me. The one I liked and felt was right.

Then he called my doctor (who was not even at the same hospital as me) and came back saying this:

"Um, your doctor says that this can be normal. He says not to worry, the placenta will most likely move. He feels no need to follow up with you. You will just see him again in 5 weeks at your scheduled appointment. You can go home, and live life like normal." There was no mention of why I could be bleeding and contracting, or what to do about it.

SERIOUSLY!!! I am all sorts of anxious and worried and looking for answers, and I just got two completely different opinions. Of course, my doctor's opinion overrides the ER doctor. Even if he didn't remember me from just a few hours ago.

Then we left. And here we are.

I cramped all night and didn't sleep well.

Maybe I am just being paranoid, but I spent the morning trying to find a new OB. I need a second opinion, and I feel that I need one soon. The soonest I can be seen by anyone is in a week and 1/2. I scheduled it.

So for now, I am just lying low, trying not to lift anything heavy or do anything that may cause more cramping and bleeding. I am not going to just "live life like normal." Obviously, something is not right, and I am going to be careful. And I guess I will just wait. And wait and wait.

I feel peace and I know that the baby is ok, but it sure would be nice to know exactly what is going on with me and why I have these symptoms. And I really would like to know sooner than 5 weeks from now. I think my doc. should at least have scheduled a follow up appointment in a few days or something.

Am I just being paranoid, or does anyone else out there find that a little odd?