My Reasons

My Reasons

This Is Where It All Begins

This Is Where It All Begins

Thursday, May 15, 2014

mother's day

Mother's Day this year fell on a weekend where I was battling sugar highs and lows.  I didn't have much energy or patience with my family, and I was having a hard time being soft and loving toward my children.  It was a hard weekend, and I was full of guilt and heartache for my impatience and sour attitude with my calling as a mother.

Being on a sugar low, doesn't just make you feel yucky physically, but it can really cause problems emotionally, and with morale.  It is hard, and I felt terrible that my tender family was having to deal with it right along with me.  I was worried that Mother's Day would be a disaster.  A day of me feeling terrible and guilty, and just trying to survive.

I woke up Sunday morning, Mother's Day, full of a sweet feeling of gratitude and peace toward my children.  The feeling stayed with me all day, and grew as the day went on.  It was a tender mercy from the Lord, and something I greatly needed.

I didn't really even think much about the day being about me, as a mother.  It was a day to celebrate motherhood, and the blessed calling that it is.
I just felt so grateful to be a mother, and to have the sweet and precious children that I have, and our daughter growing inside of me.

I noticed the little things about them. 

Like the time all four kids were sitting up at the table for breakfast that morning.  I noticed all of their big blue eyes, and adorable light blond hair.  The way they all looked alike, yet different.  I looked at them, and studied each of their sweet features and innocent faces, and my heart was so full.  I turned to Ben and said, "Well, we now have a full table of children."  He looked at our precious bunch and gratefully said, "yup, a whole table full."  It made us smile.

Or the time the night before, where we went to a restaurant for a Mother's Day dinner, and ended up waiting over 2 hours in a crowded isle before we got a table.  It was 8:00pm before we were able to get our food.  My children patiently waited the entire time.  They were tired, and weak with hunger, but they were amazing sports, and tough little souls, as we waited out those 2 long hours.  I was so proud of them.

I noticed their eager desires to show me their love for me in the childlike ways. 

Like William bursting through the door with a huge grin on his face and an armful of flowers to give me.  He was so thrilled to give me something, and to have me smell them over and over again.

I noticed William's adorable chubby cheeks, big squishy hands, and his warm cuddly body when he gives me his huge bear hugs. I noticed the happy twinkle in his eyes.  His hilarious and magnetic personality and adorable and hilarious things he says, and how he says them.  I recognized his joy when we play together and when I sing him songs.

I noticed Luke's constant desire to snuggle and be near me.  At times, this can be exhausting for me and difficult, but on this day, it was so sweet and special. 
I noticed his adorable curly blond hair, and sweet innocent puppy dog eyes.  His hilarious dance he does when I come back from being gone, even if I am gone for just a few minutes.  They overwhelming joy he has when I let him vacuum up a mess. The way his whole face lights up when I enter a room, and the way he looks so peaceful and smells so good when he is sleeping.

I noticed Sam's desire to sit by me at church, and at the dinner table, and his request for me to tuck him in and kiss him goodnight.  His request to play memory with me, and have me watch his new bike trick.
 I noticed his little boy desire to still be near me, even though his big boy self can't show it too much.  I noticed his big blue eyes searching mine for approval when he gave me his homemade card he made for me, and his happiness when I loved it!  I noticed his cheeks, that are still hanging on to his little boy chub just enough to keep his face so innocent and sweet. I notice his grin when I hug him on his way to school, even though he tries his best to hide it.

I noticed Mary's extra effort to keep peace with her brothers, pick up here and there, and the extra time she spent making me a beautiful and creative card for Mother's Day.
I noticed her desire to help, and the way she recognizes what really does help me, in a natural nurturing way.  She is extremely aware and always so eager to show me her love by finding a need and filling it the best she can.  I noticed her peacemaker personality in her little social world, and her deep desire to be good and do good. I noticed her blossoming from childhood into young womanhood becoming more apparent and beautiful.  I recognized the growing friendship we have, and the way I find myself chatting with her and enjoying her company as another girl in the house, and friend. She has a very sweet and valiant personality.

I was overjoyed to learn that my anxiously anticipated Mothers Day gift from my children (they could hardly contain their excitement to give it to me) was several new pairs of socks.  It was simple, and maybe silly to some, but it was the unsaid gift behind it that touched my heart.
It meant so much to me that they noticed what I really love and enjoy.  They recognize that their mom is always wearing socks, and loves new, soft, fuzzy, socks.  It is such a simple thing, but it meant so much to me that they recognized this small thing about their mother, that makes her happy, and were so excited to give that to me.

It seems like I noticed each and every kick and flutter taking place in my stomach that day.  There were more than usual, and each one sent a surge of joy through me, as it reminded me of this very special, and long awaited for child that will finally be coming home to us.   I was humbled as I reflected on the numerous times this pregnancy the Lord has intervened, and by his grace, we have kept this daughter of ours alive and growing inside of me.

My heart was so full all day, and I was constantly wiping away a tear here, or some sniffles there out of so much gratitude for my role as a mother to these wonderful children of mine. 

Motherhood can be so, so hard, demanding, exhausting, stressful and discouraging.

But it is also so much more than that.  It is a divine heavenly, and blessed calling.  It is important, significant and holy.  It is full of love, joy, sweet moments, precious children and blessings that far exceed the struggles.

I am so humbled and grateful to be a mother, and to be entrusted with these sweet, innocent, and precious spirits from our Heavenly father.  They have been entrusted to me, and I take that calling seriously.  I am humbled and grateful that Mary, Sam, William, Luke and our daughter in utero were sent to me, to be their mother here on Earth.

I am so blessed.  I am a mother.

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