Ever since I had Molly, my body has had a hard time getting back in to a groove. Without going in to much detail, I will just say that for about 10 days out of every month, I am in a lot of pain. For about 4 of those days, I am in severe pain. It has only been getting worse as time has gone on.
So, lucky me, I got to go see my good friend Dr. Clark, my obgyn.
(yes, that was sarcastic, although, I really do like Dr. Clark)
He talked to me for a long time, looked up my history and ordered an ultrasound.
He diagnosed me with endometriosis. Basically, I have some tissue that is extremely painful and flares up once a month. It effects my entire core, my back and even shoots down my legs to the point where I can't even handle standing up for very long. The effect of this takes days to calm down and mellow out agin.
He told me that it will only get worse from here.
Bottom line, I can either try a ton of different birth controls, which I have done already and did nothing but make me lose my mind, or he can take out my uterus and fallopian tubes.
I talked to him for quite a while, and I talked to Ben for several days before making a decision. Once I decided what I was going to do, I took my decision to the Lord for confirmation. He let me know that I was making a good choice.
I am going to get a partial hysterectomy on November 2nd.
Thankfully, Dr. Clark wants to leave my ovaries in, so we don't have to mess with hormones, and throw my body into a menopausal state. That would really make things crazy! He is going to take out the fallopian tubes though, so I will never have to worry about ovarian cancer.
I chose to get the surgery, because I don't think I can handle the pain much longer, and it is only going to get worse. I figure that I can go through a good month or two of some tough recovery, in order to spare myself pain for the next 20+ years of my life.
I know it is the right choice, and it will be a very good thing, but I am really, really struggling with the idea of being down for so long.
I have waited for this time in my life for 10 years now. I am healthy, I am running at full capacity and training for a half marathon, I am very active, I feel good, I feel alive, I am busy and active with my 5 children, running them to their sports, helping with homework, playing outside with them, and being a very active mother, and I am absolutely loving it!!
I had high hopes of never having to be knocked down like this again, now that my childbearing years are done. I get to just maintain from here on out, instead of going back to ground zero over and over again.
I have worked for a year to get to this point, and it is killing me to think that I will be down for at least 6 weeks. That is enough time to lose a lot of what I have built up as far as fitness and stamina.
I am really struggling with this. One thing that is helping me is that I will be running my 1/2 marathon just 3 days before the surgery. At least I will be at peak fitness before I am laid up in bed for a while. Hopefully that will help with the recovery, and with bouncing back faster.
My only other concern is that my grandmother died after having this surgery. She was much older than I am, and she was unhealthy. She died from a blood clot, but it still is a very real and very scary thing for me.
After my appointment with Dr. Clark, when we had discussed all of this, I got in the elevator to head back down to the parking lot. When I got out of the elevator, I saw the cafeteria to my right.
After I had Molly in this same building, I had the best carrot cake of my entire life. I blogged all about it. When I saw the cafeteria, I decided to see if they had any carrot cake. I have tried numerous times to get it, since I have had Molly, but they have not had it there since.
I walked in to the cafeteria and went over to the fridge, and there it was!!! One last piece of carrot cake just for me! I was thrilled! God works in mysterious ways to let me know he cares, even about the little things.
I bought it, grabbed a fork, and ate the entire thing right there in the lobby. I savored every bite.
I then decided that if I'm going to get this surgery, and if I'm going to be laid up in this hospital for a day or two, at least I will have more carrot cake! And all will be right in the world.