My Reasons

My Reasons

This Is Where It All Begins

This Is Where It All Begins

Thursday, November 17, 2011


Hello blogging world,
I am back. What a crazy ride we have been on. Sorry for no posting, and no checking up on other posts either. I hope no one is offended. There is just a time and a place for blogging for me, and the past little while has not been the time.

I have noticed a certain pattern in my life and the life of my family. The pattern comes in the form of waves. A true test of endurance I think. Good thing I run, and have taught myself how to endure, even when you feel like lying down on the road, crying and giving up. I honestly feel that endurance has been a gift given to me in a few forms, and a gift I am expected to use.

For us, when life is good, it is good. We have fun, we embrace it, we enjoy it, and we make the most of it. We love to have fun.

When life gets hard, it gets really hard. We struggle, we fight, we cry and we endure. And it usually does not just sprinkle, we get the floods.

For some reason, we don't get much of the here a little and there a little types of things. It is all or nothing usually.

And I tell you what, during those long stretches of hardship, there is no better time to learn some serious life lessons, figure out who your true friends are, and dig deep.

If you didn't see my last post, you may want to go back to it, but it is the perfect example of what I am talking about. We don't just get a few days of a stomach bug. Nope, we get that along with about 5 other illnesses, a cracked skull, morning sickness, and some other issues that are personal.

And no, it didn't end when the post did. I am just coming away from a horrid 3 day stomach bug, which William also had. So fun.

Ben gave me a blessing last night, because after 8 weeks of being sick and taking care of the sick, I finally cracked. Oh yeah, I sure cracked. It was amazing, I am sure.

This morning though, I woke up with all sorts of perspective and insight. And to me, a lesson learned and not recorded, is a lesson not remembered. So, leaving out some of the more personal stuff, here are some things I have learned during this wave in our lives.

Lesson #1
True friends will reveal themselves when endurance is put to the test.
Yup, that's right. And this can be a very hurtful lesson when it comes to some friends that leave you, label you as annoying or a complainer, or just ignore you during long bouts of hardship, but come running when it is time to party.
I can honestly say, that I was quite surprised with who actually has continued to call and check up and offer to help, and who has turned the other cheek and ignored us, or have asked how we are and then walked away.
I am so grateful for true friends, even when I may be surprised with who they end up being or not being.

Lesson #2
If momma aint happy, aint nobody happy.
This past little while, I have had my eyes opened to how my illness, sadness, happiness, energy or lack of, and attention, truly set the tone for our home and family.
I have learned to hide a lot, to suffer silently a few times, to cook dinner when I feel half dead, and to smile for the kids, when really I am holding down the urge to vomit or scream.
My family deserves a stable mother, through sickness and health. I am trying.

Lesson #3
Just because you're the momma doesn't mean you don't need yours
My mom had surgery last week, and therefore has not been able to physically be here to help. Long phone conversations however, have gone a long way. If anything, they have helped with the loneliness of being stuck home sick for weeks on end.

Lesson #4
Christmas music can be listened to before Thanksgiving, if it means making you feel better.
And it does, so I am listening to it.

Lesson #5
Outward not Inward
This one has been hard, because inward, I have been the one needing. No matter what though, it always feels good to look outward for someone in need and to serve. There is always an opportunity.

Lesson #6
The Gospel is true. The Lord understands. Prayers are answered. Blessings come. All we need to do is ask and follow.
I will NEVER deny this.

Lesson #7
Bitterness grows. Forgiveness forgets.
Oh man, have I had a battle with this one. I am finally winning, I think.

Lesson #8
Ben is the eternal companion for me..oh, and he is Superman.
Ben is my best friend. He is an amazing listener. He has a great strong shoulder to cry on, and he is patient. I love him.

Lesson #8
Look Forward
Looking forward to things, when the present isn't that great, really helps me to keep going and have hope. Time Out For Women is tomorrow, and I am more than excited. Friends, hotel, dinner, spiritual boosts from amazing people, and time for me. That is so rare, and so needed.
Thanksgiving has also been another thing I have been anticipating. A nice break from the norm, getting away for a while, and time with family.
BUT, life happens, plans changed, and we will be on our own this year, in our own home. At first, I was pretty sad, but now I am excited thinking about how we are going to make it a very fun weekend. And I have done Thanksgiving dinner on my own several times now, so I look forward to making the food and doing it how we like it.
We have a lot of really fun plans for that weekend, including skiing, sledding, festival of the trees, Temple Square lights, movies, caramel apples, getting the Christmas tree, and more. I am very excited to have a weekend with our own little family, making traditions and relaxing together. It will all be ok.

Lesson #9
Find the lessons in the situation.
Feeling like you are going through something for nothing but pure torture, is too much for anyone to handle. Finding the lessons in life's ups and downs is vital for me. Applying those lessons is even more important.

And the list goes on, but I will stop there. Have I been a good student?

So there you have it. A few of the things this "wave" has taught me. Let's hope it is calm waters for a while now.


Familia Morales said...

It seems to me like you learned a lot in a small amount of time. I love your attitude when it comes to trials. Thanks for being such a good example and an inspiration.

Deanna said...

I had a chance to read that post you was on reader...and I have to say, that you inspire me. All.The.Time. Through your tough times and your happy times. your perspective is truthful. And honestly, life isn't all roses...anybody's blog that portrays that has some issues. Some times life stinks. And you know what? It's okay to write about those. Love you, woman! Keep up the awesome work! I hope you and your sweet little family start feeling better, soon!!!!! ♥

shaina said...

I agree that things happen in waves, but you are a very strong person and will never have trials that you can't manage. Heavenly Father has a lot of love for you.

Sylvia said...

I sure love you Becky and your wonderful way to express how life really is. You are a blessing to so many people and esp me! You'll never know how much I will miss you guys this weekend. It has been one trial after another around here as well but thank goodness for phones and love and family and hope that we will have many more fun holidays together. Give the kids a hug...I miss them so so much! Love MOM

Darci and Ryan said...

You are amazing!!!!!

Colleen said...

I feel like we have those waves of tough times too and then smooth sailing, although you are right, it does seem like you guys get some tsunamis from time to time! I am hoping you have some calmer waters ahead. Friend issues are always so difficult, especially if they are within a ward. I have a good friend in Idaho that calls her ward "Wisteria Ward" after Desperate Housewives because there is so much drama in it from time to time. :) I think it's wonderful that you find the lessons in the difficult times. I agree with you that finding the purpose in a challenge is the best way to make it through.

erin d. said...

"Holy crap Becky". (you are nodding and saying "I know") and then I say again "holy crap Becky" and hug you tight.

You want to know why I don't "worry" about you? #1 your testimony. #2 your husband.

I know you will always be taken care of. I love you, please know you can call anytime. I would have called if I had known what a tough couple of weeks you'd had.

Love you Beautiful Becky.