My Reasons

My Reasons

This Is Where It All Begins

This Is Where It All Begins

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Pregnancy update

I realized tonight, that I haven't done a pregnancy update for a while. So here it goes. It is a long, so don't feel like you have to read it all. I just have a new vision of some things, and I am not going to pass up a hunch to record anything that has to do with this pregnancy or this baby of mine.

I am 9 weeks along although there is some question in that now.
The baby is measuring 2 1/2 weeks small. The doctor said to assume that my dates were off by 2 1/2 weeks, but he is not going to just let it slide by either. That is small enough that he will be monitering it.
I know my dates were not off, especially not off by over 1/2 a month! I got the postitive preg. test 2 days before I even thought I could take the test. Nope..dates were not off. Dates were right on.
That only means one thing, the baby is small...pretty darn small. And yes, that worries me, a lot.

The next ultrasound is Tuesday. Just two more days for me to freak out. I just want to hear the heartbeat again. That is all I need. Come what may, I just want to hear the heart beating.

As far as how I am feeling.
I am way better off than I have ever been with a pregnancy as far as being nauseated and sick. I only get nauseated at night, and it really is nothing to complain about. Especially compared to my previous dry heaving, nauseated to the point of wanting to die for weeks on end, pregnancies. The nausea that I do have however, did creep up right on time. 8 weeks. Same as my previous pregnancies. That also tells me that my dates were not off. I beg the Lord every night to PLEASE just let me have an easier pregnancy. I have been sick with various things (all domino effects of what happened in June) for almost 7 months now and it can get very hard at times.

So, I just want one small break. I am so grateful for the tender mercies of the least up to this point. He has blessed me with a nice pregnancy this far. My fingers remain crossed.

I am VERY, VERY, VERY tired. I am going to have the doctor check to see if I may still be anemic. Believe it or not, after the events of this summer, I haven't had my blood count checked since my last appointment in June where I was declared, "beyond anemic..well beyond." We are talking almost 15 points below the severely anemic line.

I am a lot more hormonal then with my past pregnancies. It has been annoying, but it makes me happy to know that my hormones must be changing, which means that I must still have a baby living inside me. I have days where I am irritated at anyone, everyone, anything and everything. And the next second, I am happy as can be. I am still pretty weepy as well. It does not help with my paranoia about this pregnancy.
Poor Ben. Poor, poor Ben.

My cravings haven't been very severe. The only one that will not go away is my craving for red meat. I would eat steak every day if I could. I can't get enough of it. We are major chicken eaters in our home. We eat a LOT of chicken. I am still trying to gag my way through making chicken for the family, but what I really want is a nice, juicy, flavor filled, medium, mushroom sauced, steak....and dutch oven potatoes. ;) Again, makes me wonder about my iron level. I will gladly get those levels up by eating red meat, I just don't think my heart or arteries would be very happy. And no, I will not eat liver, I don't care how many doctors tell me to.

I have still been able to work out as usual. It kills me to actually get to the gym, because I am so stinkin' tired, but once I am there, and begin working out, I actually feel a lot better and get in the groove. I always walk out of there feeling energized and happy...for about an hour. Then I am starving and exhausted. I hope this one lasts for a long time. I mentally and physically just need to work out. It keeps me going.

I think that is about it for now. My faith is really being tested with this baby inside of me. I am trying so hard to have the "it is in the Lord's hands and all will be well" attitude, but dang, I just worry so much. The space of time where the doctor is looking for the heartbeat up until he finds it, just about kills me every time. I can hardly stand it. Then I am good for a few days, and the worry begins all over again. Oh man. Week 16 will be the week of Christmas. I will be surrounded by family and loved ones. I just hope that I don't end up running to the nearest OB to get a heartbeat on Christmas Eve. I think that if I can get past that week, I will be able to relax a little more.

On another note.
My due date with our last child is coming up this month. It is the 15th.
I can feel it drawing near. It is like my body memory hasn't let it go. I can feel the nesting instinct in me starting up, and the nervousness/excitement. It was weird going to baby showers and knowing that mine could have been somewhere in there. And I will admit, I was a little jealous and kind of sad to see all of the adorable gifts everyone got from my incredibly creative and crafty know, those one-of-a kind type things. It felt so un-natural not to be in on it all. However, I was and am VERY happy for all of my friends that have had and are having babies right now, and I had a great time at all of the showers. My turn will come, just a lot later than planned.
This weird feeling of the upcoming due date has been very unexpected and kind of hard at times. Not to mention that I flipped the calendar to November, only to find stars and hearts all over the due date. It stunk to cross them out, but at the same time, I smiled as I remembered my baby inside of me right now. That alone, does make everything so much better. It is amazing how much better things are.
The primary program is that day (15th), and the theme is eternal families.
Mary gave a talk a while ago in primary about our eternal family, and they came over and asked if she would give that talk again during the program.
I don't pass anything up anymore as a coincidence. Thank you Lord, for showing me you will be thinking of me on that day. My precious daughter will be speaking from her heart about our eternal family. I will probably blubber and weep through the whole thing and totally embarrass myself, but what better way than that to spend a due date that came all too soon.
And I am so happy that I will be spending that day with a new and special gift growing inside of me once more.


The Mitchells said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers everyday. I really hope this pregnancy goes well. My heart tightens at the thought of all the stress and anxiety you must feel. All you can do is wait with faith. I know you are strong, and one day this forever time of struggle will seems just a moment. Just hang in there.

Ben and Megan said...

Ok, Becky I don't even really know you but my Ben has told me all about what you guys have been through and then reading this post I am left just so amazed. You are a strong woman and an inspiration to me. With our whole situation of Ben losing his job, I've grown a lot stronger, but now I can only hope to become as strong as you are. I am really looking forward to coming and visiting you guys, but please let us know if it is too much, or if we can do anything to make it easier on you.

J&E said...

Thinking of you guys! We love you.

The Seven Family said...

Becky - you need to remember that it is okay to feel the way you do. Don't feel like you are doing something wrong by mourning at your due date or feeling some heartache when you hear talk of eternal families. And, certainly don't feel bad about feeling a little worried about things now. Just try to take one day at a time and know that there are a lot of us that care a whole lot about you and your family - and pray for you!!
Good luck with the ultrasound tomorrow. Keep us posted!! (also, all baby measurements are varied and somewhat inaccurate until around 20 weeks - that's why with normal pregnancies they don't measure via ultrasound until then)!!

Colleen said...

I don't think having anxiety means you aren't putting it all in the Lord's hands. You are doing awesome and your faith is inspiring. All things considered, I'd be a nervous wreck too! I am so grateful for the blessing the primary program will be on a hard day!