The past few days have been a little bit of a "woe is me day." Not full blown down in the dumps or anything, I have been just a little heavy in my heart. I think it is just the upcoming due date and of course, major baby mode happening all around me. 7 friends and several family members. Of course, I am happy for all if my beautiful pregnant friends and family members, and I love watching them be happy, it is just rough at times.
I am dealing with things in chunks. So much happened so quickly, and I didn't completely have the physical ability to deal with it all right away, therefore, I am finding that things come in chunks. I am healing up in some ways, and in other ways, I am still kind of raw. For example, it really sunk in today that I lost the baby on my Birthday! I finally grasped how crazy and almost unfair that was. It literally brought me to tears. I just haven't really let that part sink in yet. I have written about it, and talked about it, but I am good at telling things and writing things while not totally feeling them. Kind of silly huh. Is was just one of many Birthdays. I guess it just finally hit me, and it made me feel bad. Probably pretty immature. But at least, I finally let it sink in and dealt with it. One less thing to creep up later and bite me in the bum. Birthday...done.
Yesterday, I was missing my baby and was feeling like I was missing out on the excitement of having a big belly, feeling the baby move, having a baby shower, having Dr. appts. closer together, and getting excited for the due date that is actually coming up here pretty quickly. I was focusing on the "what could have been," and feeling really empty and alone. It kind of hit me lately that I won't be joining in all the baby celebration going on around me. I guess it is hard, because I was pregnant, and I would have been right where everyone else is right now. Kind of feels like the lone ranger, ya know. I kind of forgot to expect that and prepare for it, so I get to deal with it now. Another chunk. I am trying to plan something to do on Nov. 15th (the due date), it might be a little rough. I want to be prepared for that one. So, obviously, I have had a little bit if a heavy heart lately. Nothing horrible or life altering, just a hard moment here and there.
And then...this happened!
The fuzzy slippers came out.
The warm blankets came out.
The warm, yummy, heart-warming pumpkin bread with cream cheese frosting was made.
The house was scrubbed spotless and the Fall Decorations came out of the boxes. The house is totally decked out in "all things Fall" and the apple cinnamon smells are in place. The house is warm, cute and cozy.
The snow came!
And life suddenly got all better again.