Me: William, Netflix isn't working, the internet keeps freezing. William: Why mom, is it on ice?
Me, talking to Mary's friend Ella.
Me: So Ella, what is it like having twin brothers?
Ella: It is fun, and I laugh when my mom feeds them.
Me: Why do you laugh?
Ella: Because she feeds them at the same time and it is funny.
Mary: She can't feed them at the same time.
Me and Ella: Why not Mary?
Mary: Because she only has one bellybutton.
Ben: Does anyone know why William's mouth is bleeding?
Sam: Maybe someone put a fingernail in it.
Ben: Sam..did you put a fingernail in William's mouth?
Sam: No, the prophet did.
Becky: "Hey Mary, what do you think of Uncle Tyler's new mustache?"
Mary: "Well, it does look better than yours."
Grandma JoJo in the McDonalds Drive through, after the guy gave her the food..
JoJo: "Thanks a million."
Mary: "Was his name amillion?"
Mary: "Hey mom..I know what time it is.
Becky: "Oh really, well, what time is it?"
Mary: "It is 3 PMS"
After an entier day of Sam bawling his eyes out from getting his two year molars.
Mary: "Dad, I am sick of babies crying all day. I just need to go somewhere where I can be a kid...like Chucky Cheeses."
(the commercial for the place says "where a kid can be a kid." She has never been there, and neither have I, but obviously, we will go soon.
This is a conversation Mary had on the phone with grandma.
"I have too many necklaces, so my mom bought some hookers. We put the hookers in my room and I put all of my necklaces and bracelets on them. Now my necklaces aren't all over anymore. I like my hookers."
(she is talking about the hooks I hung on her wall in her "Diva Corner.")
Mom: Hey Mary guess what! I have a baby in my tummy. You will get a new baby brother or sister soon.
Mary: Looking at my tummy..."Well, where is it?"
Mom: It is so small that you can't tell it is there yet. In a while the baby will get bigger and so will mommy's tummy. Then you will be able to see it all better.
Mary: Oh yeah! And then you POP!!!!
Mom: No, I don't exactly "pop" Mary.
Mary: Of course you do, just like a balloon. They get bigger and bigger and then they just pop! Don't be scared mom, it will be o.k. , I really like balloons.
Mary: (holding up a dollar she found). "Hey mom, I have some cash!"
Mom: "Sam, you need to behave a little better please."
Sam:"But mom, I am being have.
Sam: "how can I be have if I don't even know who have is?"
Mom: Mary's lets get in the car. Mary: Are we taking the "stick?" (she meant stick shift, cracks me up)
Dad:"Sam, have fun at preschool and remember what we talked about ok."
Sam:"I know,I know, be nice to the humans."
Mary: Why do you not say anything when you read your scriptures? Ben: Because I read them in my head, kind of like when Jesus speaks to us, he speaks to us in our minds.
Mary: Well, how does Jesus fit in there?
Mary: Pointing to a complete stranger sitting on the sidewalk smoking.. "See mom, there is the man ( it was actually a woman) that smokes. He is going to DIE!!!"
Luckily the woman just laughed and said, "she is probably right."
Mary: "I saw Jesus' foot today, he almost stepped on our house."
Mary.."So mom, is Jesus' middle name Christ?" Is His name Jesus Christ Maynard?"
Mary: "Grandma came here and told me to do it, then she left really fast."
Mary: when she is in trouble (yelling) "mom...here's the deal, lets just talk about it, you are my very best friend!"
Mary: "I have a baby in my tummy. His name is Choko, he is 36months old."