My Reasons

My Reasons

This Is Where It All Begins

This Is Where It All Begins

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Forgotten, but not really

I read a quote today, and loved it.
"Lonely people build walls instead of bridges."

I must admit, I have been having a bad case of feeling forgotten this week.
Blame it on the pregnancy hormones if you will, or the blahs of winter, but either way, feeling forgotten really bites.

I am surrounded by loving family and friends, so this seems a little weird to me to feel this way. Serioulsly, probably pregnancy hormones, but still.

I think it stems from a few things.
I have not been able to do a lot of the things I used to do that involved being around friends. (running, work out group, relief society meetings on Tuesday nights, ect.) Because of the pregnancy and our schedule, these things have been out of the picture.

Most of my friends are in Young Womens or Primary, so I don't see many of my friends at church, and we are not really doing the same things when it comes to that.

My family is all very busy with their own crazy lives, and even though we live closer, it can still be hard to connect.

The blog is private. Yes, it has been SO nice to have the privacy, but it also has taken some getting used to. It is easy to forget to check a private blog.

I got tired of facebook, and rarely get on there anymore. I don't miss it, but I guess I do miss the connection (however real or fake it was) it kind of provided to outside life.

I have not burned any bridges with anyone by any means, but I think that sometimes people can just kind of forget you after a while of you not being there. Kind of stinks.

This weekend I decided to go way out of my comfort zone and try to set up a group date. It was actually a big deal to me. I love to have fun, I don't love to set it up.
It fell through, which was fine, but I later learned that it was probably because of a girls night thing that I was not asked to be a part of. Double ouch. Ok, actually it made me cry. I am a big girl, and normally I can shrug things like this off, but for some reason this really ran deep this time. Yes, my feelings were very hurt.

So, I have had my nice little pity party this week. I have shed some tears, gotten upset, almost got bitter, and then I got down on my knees.

I was reminded that I am never alone with the Lord. I was also reminded of my numerous friends, my family and so many others out there who really do care. I am not alone and am actually very blessed with so many great relationships. I am not fogotten. Because of feeling forgotten, I have built walls, not bridges. I have not been rude or anything, I just emotionally shut off. Not good.

I have begun working on bridges again. Some old bridges, and some new ones. It is hard, because I still a not able to see people a ton, and I think some good friendships have let me go because I have been "out of the loop", but I am trying. The Lord will make up for where I lack and where I cannot be.

My true friends and family will not forget me. They may pass me by for a while, but deep down, I know people are better than that.

Does anyone else out there ever feel like this, or am I just crazy? I have a feeling I will seriously regret this post, but I made a vow that I would never have an "everything is perfect" blog. When my kids read the blog book in the future, I want them to see and learn from the good times and the bad. Life is about joy and pain.

I want my kids to see that sometimes there will be floods in your life. And maybe when you feel like you are swimming all alone, all you really need to do, is get some help from the Lord and build a bridge (or two or three).


Lisa said...

I'm often humbled reading your blog Beck--thank you for sharing the ups AND the downs. You are totally in good company having hard days and even doubts. YOu are an amazing person, even when reaching out is hard. Motherhood can be really lonely even when you're with your kids all day long. There is definitely a different kind of need for socializing that is met by people outside of your family. Sorry I'm bad at reaching out. I love you and admire you TONS!

Katie Ladwig said...

I love you sweetie! And YES!!! I feel the "lonely bug" too. Landon got stuck at home with the kids the other day and yhat night told me he had the urge to call his parents all day. Not that he had anything to say, but just that he wanted to talk to someone. I feel this way a LOT! But rarely do I ever do anything about it. I will start calling you now if you will promise to do the same thing. Rather than thinking we are inconveniencing each other's day we can know we are actually helping one another out.

The Maughan-sters said...

Becky, I blog stalk you and rarely leave comments. I'm sorry. I too have been feeling this lately. A LOT. I feel like I am alone in my feelings, I feel like I have no one to talk to b'c some things you can't talk to everyone about... I love my hubby dearly, and he is ALWAYS there for me (like I know Ben is for you) but sometimes you just need to talk to a girl(well a girl older than let's say 20ish?) , ya know?

I too am humbled by your blog,and gain courage from you. I too lately have been turning to the Lord, knowing that by having Him near me, I am never truely alone. I also think of Pres. Uchtdorf's talk "Forget Me Not" I just re-listened to it the other night in hopes of a pick me up. It sure helped a lot.

I'm sorry I only talk to you sometimes. We still think about those good times at Draper Oaks that we had. Good Luck. I am proud of you for stepping outside of your comfort zone.

Sorry this is kind of long, but I promise to be better about posting comments on your blog, bc I still feel a friendship with you, even though we haven't seen you in years.


Meagan said...

I've felt the same way many times. I thought that getting married would cure me of those feelings, but they don't! I often wonder how I can infiltrate the "cool girl group" in my ward. But there is so much truth is your "building bridges" analogy. I've found the best cure for loneliness is inviting some one over who is lonelier that you!
Thanks for the post! Miss you!

shaina said...

I feel left out a lot. I always feel inadequate; that people don't like me. I get my feelings hurt all the time, whether intended or not. I worry that I did something wrong, if I don't hear from people. I feel alone a lot, and am not sure why I struggle with that so much.

Megan said...

Thanks for this post Becky. I too feel alone a lot. I feel like my situation is like no one else's and so it is hard to relate and build friendships. I think you are an amazing person. Thanks for your example. I don't always remember to turn to the lord in those lonely times and I really need to.

Darci and Ryan said...

You are amazing! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I think a lot of us feel like this a lot. I love where we are at, but have never quite felt like I "fit" with the majority of the girls here. I have had to try and realize that it's ok, and that it takes me reaching out too, which is hard for me. I worry too much about what people think, and half the time I am probably just thinking they think it and they don't. ;) Anyway, love your bridge analogy, I need to work on that, because I definitely put up walls sometimes just to keep from getting hurt, but that hurts me too. Thanks for your honesty!

Jaggers Brain said...

Becky Beck, I can't totally relate to the married mom lonliness, but I feel the same. Recently I've been struggling to see where I fit, and what I should do next. And I really have put up preconceived walls, and the only person hurt is me. Your blog continues to inspire me, and I just want to know that I love you!

runningfan said...

I struggle with this, too. I've been in my current ward almost two years and things are FINALLY starting to gel for me on the social scene. It's tough...