My Reasons

My Reasons

This Is Where It All Begins

This Is Where It All Begins

Thursday, October 14, 2010

I Admit....

I ate one two many chocolates from the Halloween bucket today.

I LOVE the way our home looks and smells with the fall and Halloween decor.

I could use a serious shopping spree. My clothes could be worn for Halloween..seriously.

I am a clean freak. But I guess it is better than a dirty one.

I own 15 pairs of shoes, and only wear four of them on a normal basis. I have not bought a pair of shoes in over a year. And before that, it had been a year. I fall in love with a pair, and that is good enough for me. I like shoes, but I have a hard time getting myself to buy them. Weird.

I Admit....

I have cried MANY nights since the move.

Moving is very lonely.

I miss Colorado Springs so much it hurts sometimes. I miss my friends. I miss the town, the layout, the feeling of nothing else being around you. The open friendly people, Pikes Peak, running up and down Research, having everything less than one mile away, and just the feeling of knowing people, having good friends, knowing the town, and feeling secure. I was comfortable there. But probably too comfortable.

I knew the move was a tough one, but I didn't expect it to be THIS hard.

I don't cry in front of people...not even Ben, if I can help it. Not sure why this is the case, but it is.

I know this is where the Lord needs us.

I admit....

I thought people here would be fake, competitive, and very judgemental. I was VERY wrong, and I am very sorry. Funny how people that don't live in Utah, or only go to school here, seem to know all about the horrible people here, but the people that do live in Utah, are the opposite of what everyone says. What's up with that? I will no longer judge before I have my own experience. Even then, I shouldn't judge. Bad girl.

I am quiet by nature, but not shy. This makes it very hard to make new friends. Thank goodness for my kind and outgoing husband.

The people I have made friends with so far are really cool. I am very grateful for them.

We had a wonderful talk with our Bishop the other night, and he answered some questions that have been in my heart. I now know even more than ever that we need to be here.

Utah will be a "refining fire" for our family, as we grow and learn from this very hard move, and the experience that have come with it. But then, it soon will become a place where all that we have been taught and all that we are, and all that we can be, and all the we have become, will be used. I look forward to that time with all of my heart.

I have a LOT of looking inside and improving to do. My list is made, and I am doing my best.

I admit...

The more I run, the more I love. The more I love, the more I run. Yes, I am an addict.

I once laughed at I can't live without it. Thanks Kelsey.

On hard days, I buy a new pair of socks and get very quiet.

On good days, I can't shut up, I paint, decorate or organize something.

The good days are beginning to FAR outweigh the bad (since the move). I think the worst is about over.

My running motto is: Make the music louder than the pain. No wonder the T.V. is turned all the way up when we watch movies and Ben fears that I can't hear well.

I have a dream of going to a black tie event with Ben. The kind with a candel light dinner and dancing to a band with the saxaphone. Somewhere at night in a big city with all of the light sparkling. Maybe right after going to a broadway show or something.

I Admit...

I am always paranoid that I smell bad, or the house smells bad, or the car smells bad, ect. We have lots of candles, air fresheners, smelly lotions, perfume, and so forth.

The flu shot didn't hurt, but made me queasy. I was shy to pull down my collar so they could get the shot in. (It was in the middle of Walmart) Dang long sleeve shirt. Hello garments and bra strap! Mary plugged her ears right before I got the I was going to scream or something. Funny.

Both kids screamed their heads off with the flu shot. Geeze! Poor pediatrician. William got three immunizations, and he screamed the least. I was embarrassed with the circus we created in the doc's office, but happy to have it over with.

I have 5 pounds left to burn off to get back to my marathon running weight. Running really is easier once the weight is off. I can already tell a big difference.

I am now running 1 mile splits for 5 miles. Not too long ago, it was running 1/4 mile splits for 4 miles. Starting back up is the worst, but being in the groove again is awesome!

I FINALLY got the last of the surgical tape off my stomach yesterday. That stuff is worse the super glue!

I often wonder where Mary would be if we kept her in gymnastics, but then I see her dance, and all is good again.

I Admit...

I really, really, really want to sky dive, but I never will.

I LOVE Christmas shopping for the kids. The lists are already made.

My biggest food weakness is pastries. Cinnamon rolls, pumpkin muffins, brownies, confetti cake, ect. I could eat them all the time if I let myself. I keep it out of the house to get rid of temptation...except for Saturday. That is my splurge day.

I don't do well shopping for myself. I always feel guilty and don't buy much, and then wish I had bought more later.

I drive fast. Not super fast, but enough that I should slow down. I have precious cargo.

My mom is coming to visit next week, just because. This has NEVER happened before. My dad may even come. There are no words to express my excitement. I admit...I still need my mom and dad.

I am a red/white. A very rare combo. I took the color test for fun a while ago, and our Bishop also somehow guessed it. I have a get it done, no bull, very stubborn attitude, but then I feel horribly guilty, I am pretty sensitive, and I keep it all in. It can be pretty crazy sometimes. Poor Ben. He is 100% Blue. But he deals with me and my psycho nature. We make it work, and we laugh a lot.

I admit....

And this is a HUGE one... (Ben doesn't even know this)...
I say that High School Musical is absolutely the most ridiculous thing ever, (and parts of it are still a little much for me) but in all honestly, I saw part of it the other day, and it is a pretty cute show. I may even buy Mary the CD.

I am rambling.

Sometimes my blog is my therapy, and I am paranoid about it after the fact.

The sun is out. The kids are playing with friends in the circle. The baby is sleeping. Time for some very rare me time. What to do.....

Thanks for reading.


runningfan said...

You've got a lot going on in that brain of yours. :) Hang in there....

Ben and Megan said...

This was such a fun post Becky! I feel like I know you so much better now! Moving is hard. I remember on our first day in Alaska, I went to the store and about hyperventilated because I didn't know anyone or anything about this place! But I know we're supposed to be here and learn a lot too. We can adjust and burn in that "fire" together! Good luck to you!

runningfan said...

P.S. Can you email me your address? I'd love to send you a Christmas card! :)

Familia Morales said...

Love your honesty Becky! I love hearing what's going on with you and your family.

Nancy said...

I feel like I know you better now than I ever have. Thanks for your blogging.

erin d. said...

tonight i was thinking about a black tie event myself. having hubby surprise me with something romantic... it seems that ever since we've been married we've been in school and he's been to distracted or busy for that sort of thing... maybe one day we'll see each other for more than 2 or 3 hours a day :) i hope you get to have your black tie event.
i admit that i love your family, that we really miss you being a regular part of our lives, that i'm not sure how i will balance two children, that i waste too much time on things that don't really matter, that in spite of that i wish i'd thought to grab harry potter book out of jane's room before i put her down, and that i hate drinking regular water... thank you crystal light.
love you guys

Brandon and Melody said...

We too just moved and I feel your pain. I have been teary-eyed off and on for the past week. In both of our situations it wasn't just a matter of picking a place and going, God wanted us there. We are needed where we are sent. Let's make the most of it and keep on running. Love you.