My Reasons

My Reasons

This Is Where It All Begins

This Is Where It All Begins

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

What's on my mind

So, I just got on facebook for about two seconds, and it always asks, "What's on your mind?"

I guess I have never noticed it before, but I have a lot on my mind lately, so it kind of stuck out at me today.

I called Quest to try to fix our other computer, but all I ended up with was a dude with a serious accent, a screaming 2 yr old, a yelling 4 yr old a husband in the middle of another kidney attack and lots and lots of confusion. Nothing came of the phone call. Ben will try next time. I also tried to hook the camera up to this luck.

So yet again, a picture-less post. Dang!

My mind is very full at the moment, and in order to try to get some sanity back and some sleep at night, I will try to empty it and get my thoughts down. Here is a jumbled view of my jumbled mind right now. favorite time of year. I am soaking it all in as much as possible. It keeps the cheer in my heart. It keeps my mind on others and on Christ. I love the spirit of the season. I am concerned about some last minute gifts, and how I am going to get them in time, but it will work out somehow. It always does.

Surgery....the surgery is in two days. That alone puts a lot on my mind. I worry about Ben, the surgery, the kids being home without us, Ben spending the night alone in the hospital,the recovery, and to be honest, I am REALLY worried about the days following. I am going to be a very needed and busy person in all areas. I just hope I get that second trimester energy that should have been here a while ago. I am still pretty dead on my feet. I also worry about Ben and the amount of pain he could be in. We just don't know what to expect. Ben was so wonderful to me during my weeks of having no blood. He really pampered me and took such great care of me. We did have the help of grandma's...but I believe that even without them (which is the case this time), Ben would have taken it all on and done just the same. I hope I can do the same and be a good nurse for Ben, mother to the kids, cook, house cleaner, Christmas gift shopper/planner, trip packer, taxi driver and everything else that comes with being a mom and a nurse. I can get grumpy when I get stressed while being so hormonally tired, and I hope I can somehow do it all with a good attitude. Ben deserves that.

Preschool....I have preschool here this week. Our little co-op has been wonderful, but I admit, the last time it was here was the week before Halloween, and it was VERY VERY hard and the house got trashed. I felt like I was taming the zoo. I was dreading it this week, but today was great! We were missing one kid, so Sam was able to participate instead. That helped take care of him, and the kids were all so calm and behaved so well. We got a ton done and everyone was happy. I am very relieved. There are a great group of kids and we had a lot of fun today. They were all smiles, and it was cute to see. Tomorrow should be a good day as well.

Our trip.....We leave on the 18th and will be gone for two weeks. Well, me and the kids will be gone for two weeks. Ben will get back the Sunday after Christmas. I am so anxious for this trip I can hardly focus on the here and now. I LOVE spending Christmas with family! I will be so ready for the break and for the fun. We have fun things planned for Mary's Birthday with her cousins and for the holidays. Oh, I just can't wait!

Sam.....I don't know what on Earth happened to him. He has been such a mellow, calm and easy kid. We haven't taken it for granted. When Mary was his age, it was a very different story. This past week or so, he has literally been next to impossible. He yells, hits, throws toys all over the house..just to make a mess, he throws fits, won't eat anything and refuses to sleep in his bed. It has been unbelievable! It is like the terrible 2's hit right before he is to turn 3. It has been very trying on my exhausted and pregnant body. I am a clean freak, and the messes he makes all over the house all day have me cleaning and going up and down the stairs all day long. Add in the fits and the constant teasing with Mary, and I am wasted physically and mentally. I really hope this is some weird phase that will magically end on Thursday when Ben has surgery. I can tell, deep down, that he is still the sweet, soft-hearted little Sam, I just wish he would let it out. I want my little Sammy back.

The mind is always on the baby, always. I am 14 weeks along. Aside from being so incredibly tired, the pregnancy continues to be wonderful compared to the previous three. I am hoping to be able to feel the baby move in the next few weeks. Then, I can finally relax and know the baby is o.k. without relying on getting the heartbeat at the doctor appointments. If it is anything like the last ultrasound, this baby will be a serious wiggle worm, and I will be thrilled. I am starting to pooch a little and my jeans are getting snug. I don't know if others can see it yet (Ben says not quite yet), but I can sure feel it. My tendons are also acting up like crazy. This is new to me, and quite painful, but I will gladly take it over nausea. I am so anxious to have this baby in my arms, I actually find myself day-dreaming about it a lot and feeling baby hungry very very early for me.

O.K. I know this last one sounds so silly, but it is actually a huge weight on my shoulders. I HAVE to clean the dang house before Thursday and I have absolutely no energy to do so. I just know that having a nice, clean and organized house will help us all get through the next week a little better. I will have so much going on, and I will just feel more organized and fresh with a clean house. For whatever reason, I am just avoiding it like the plague. I just can't get the energy to want to clean, but I really want the house to be clean. Blah! Tomorrow will be the day. I will enlist the family and we will get it done, and it won't be that big of a deal, and it will all be fine. I am just dreading it and the energy it will take. Go ahead and laught now...I won't be offended.

So, there you have it. Those are the main things on my mind this week. Of course, I could keep going, but this is enough.

Oh yeah, I should update. The mouse problem is officially over! We haven't seen, heard or smelled a mouse in our house in a month or so. We won! bahahahahaha! So long Eddie. Sorry Oreo, who continues to get out and search for her lover. We killed a total of over 30 mice in about 4 weeks. Crazy. VICTORY IS OURS!


Colleen said...

It's such a busy time of the year and you definitely have some added craziness. I am offering this in COMPLETE sincerity, if you want Sam and Mary to sleep over on the 10th it would be just fine with us! Then I could just keep them until after Ben was checked out of the hospital. Think it over, you could stay with him that night then. Let me have this for my birthday :)!
I hope the 18th and your vacation away brings you some "peace of mind!"

J&E said...

Way to win! It sounds like Mary is doing great! There was no mention of her in this post :). I know what you mean about the tendons stretching, when i first got those I thought "am I losing this baby?!" They hurt so bad and I had nothing to compare them to. I hope yours go away soon! Ben is in our prayers, and so are you.
PS Yay for getting to see you soon :) :) :) :) :)

my4suns2 said...

I feel for you, Becky. I'm not even prengnant and I feel the stress of it all, so my house is NOT clean and I'm trying not to care. I'm hoping one day the kids will just look around and go, "Let's clean the house for Mom!" In my dreams!
Hopefully Sam will be back to himself soon. It's amazing how perceptive kids are. Jacob knows what mood I'm in before I do and he always acts on it. Good luck and Merry Christmas! We're keeping Ben in our prayers.

Mom D said...

Must be the night before Christmas when not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse!!! Hope Ben is doing well. You're in our prayers.