THE BEGINNING OF FOREVER: corona who what what?

Last week our world turned upsidedown. Quite literally.

There is a virus that is quickly spreading around the WORLD right now. It has been declared a global pandemic as of last week, by President Trump. It is called the COVID-19 virus, or corona virus.

Basically, last week went something like this.

FRIDAY

kids come home from school, and we are told that school all schools in Heber will be officially closed for the next two weeks, and possibly months. School work will all be done online.

All pro teams, college sports, high school sports, club sports, of all kinds are suspended. No games, no practices, nothing.

Flights are cancelled, traveling is banned to and from numerous countries.

Restaurants are closing their doors, stores are being stripped clean of toilet paper, hand sanitizer and food storage products.

I start worrying a little, and get to the store as fast as I can to grab whatever I can to buffer our food storage. I am lucky, and get what we need, but being at the store and seeing the chaos and empty shelves, started giving me a lot of panic and anxiety. I came home from the store feeling very unsettled and very nervous.

Saturday,

Molly's gymnastics gym, Mary's cheerleading gym, Luke's soccer, Sam's Soccer and William's lacrosse are all put on hold. No practices, no games, no meeting as teams whatsoever. Molly's gymnastics gym and Mary's cheerleading gyms are closed.

We head to Idaho to attend Devin's little baby (Norah's) blessing.

Church announces that all church meetings are suspended until further notice. Missionaries are being sent home or quarantined. Temples are closing.

The grocery stores in Heber are completely emptied and raided. We meet with my cousin Jeff, and Mary gets her braces off!!! Thank heavens, because he had to close his office a few days later.

I am a nervous wreck with the pandemic, I am sad about the kids sports, I am terrified to homeschool, and I am on probation with my online teaching job with VIPKid, because I had to cancel my 7th class. The limit is 6. I am waiting to hear if I have a job or not. I have sent in two appeals already.

Sunday

Devin's family blesses baby Norah at home, because sacrament meetings around the world are suspended.

It is special and weird all at the same time to take the sacrament at his house, and do sacrament meeting. My heart is healed seeing Ben and Sam bless and pass the sacrament. It is a big comfort. Being around family turns out to be a big comfort and blessing during this very unnerving and unsettling time. I am in and out of peace and comfort, and full blown panic and anxiety.

Monday

Ben drives back to Heber to get back to work. I stay in Pocatello, because their stores are still open, and the kids can play with cousins. I go to the gym in Pocatello, and I soooo grateful that it is open.

Everything around the world is being quarantined, shut down, delayed and stores are running out of toilet paper, soap, meat, noodles of any kind and bread.

The day is weird, but kids are happy with cousins and entertained, and I am trying to wrap my head around our new life for a while...a life with no school, no sports, no church meetings, no friends, and uncertainty. I have no idea how to navigate this as a mother. I am going from an already busy mother, to a school teacher of 5, a coach of 5 sports, a primary teacher of 5, an entertainer of impending boredom, and a comfort to nervous kids. Holy crap.

Tuesday

Same as Monday. More unrest in the world. Try to find comfort in family. Try to keep things normal for the kids.

Ben learns that he has to work from home. Hospitals can't let him in.

Wednesday

I wake up to an email that I lost my online job.

I get a text from Ben that Heber had a 5.7 earthquake that morning, with numerous aftershocks.

Governor of Utah shuts down EVERYTHING. Our life in Heber is literally taken down to just the walls of our home.

Social distancing is put into effect. No groups of 10 or more, for any reason.

I go into a closet and have my very first complete panic attack/meltdown. I am in a weird state of shock. I cry and cry and cry and shake and panic and pray my heart out. I prayed until the panic calmed and the tears stopped. I pulled myself off the floor, dried my tears, and in a state of shock and emptiness, I packed up my family and we headed home.

On the drive home, I tried to digest the loss of my job, the earthquake we were headed home to, and the HUGE weight that is now on my shoulders to literally be everything for all of my children for an unnamed amount of time. All while the 7 of us are quarantined to the house.

The icing on the cake....the last thing to close in Heber, my gym. AKA...my sanity.

Thursday

I spent 7 hours helping my kids do ALL of their school assignments. They all are in different schools, at different grades, use different computer programs for each class, and have huge assignments. I have 47 emails in my inbox from teachers giving me different passwords, log in names, assignments, and things to do for each kid with each class. It was so overwhelming.

I cried so many times out of complete overwhelming feelings of defeat and panic. How on earth could I do this day after day after day, in order to keep my kids up in school. We still had assignments from their coaches of things they needed to do for their sports, and we also had to make lesson plans for our church at home. I was also out of a job, and sending in appeals that fell on deaf ears. The earthquakes had stopped, but the weather was cold and gray. It was a very, very, very hard day. I was drowning. So was my family. No sports, no school, no social life, town closed, bad weather, fear and panic in the air. It really really sucked. Bad.

Thursday

Thursday was a little less school work for some of the kids. The sun came out, so I grabbed Charlie and ran. I just ran and ran and ran. I made my body hurt more than my mind, more than the anxiety, more than the fear. I sucked in the fresh air, the sunshine. I waved to neighbors. I couldn't be by them but I waved. That run healed my soul that day.

We got the kids outside more. The boys did all of their soccer skills assignments, William practiced lacrosse, Mary and Molly did gymnastics. Ben worked out from home. We just got out and moved.

It was so needed.

Friday and Saturday were similar.

Today is Sunday. We went on a LONG family walk. We have played outside a lot. Ben and Sam did the sacrament, I gave a talk, we watched the Book of Mormon videos, and we will have another small lesson tonight. We dressed in our church clothes, and tried really hard to keep our home peaceful and as much like the church as we could.

It felt good. It felt soooo good. We all felt peace.

And here we go, into week 2. I am scared out of my mind for the online school again tomorrow for all 5 kids, but I am trying to have faith that it will smooth out more and more.

I am slowly seeing the good parts of this mess.

The kids play together WAY more. Our whole family plays way more. Sam and Luke train soccer together, Mary and Molly train gymnastics and cheer together, Ben and William do lacrosse together, we all walk and ride bikes a lot more than normal.

We play boardgames more, we talk more, and yes, fight more for sure.

I have applied for a new online job, and I had my interview yesterday. I am hoping and praying it will work out. It has potential to actually be better than my previous job. At least, if anything, I have some hope in this area.

We have a good solid food storage. It is scary to see the shelves bare at the store, and to fear a food shortage, but I have great peace in our food storage, and I feel like I did my part in helping my family in that way. I was forewarned about a month ago, to beef up (haha) the food storage, and I did. I am soooo grateful now.

I am sleeping again. With my online job, and with Ben traveling, and with our very busy schedule, I was averaging 4 hours of sleep a night. This week, I have averaged 9 hours per night, sometimes more. I can honestly say, that with all of the stuff I have mentally had to deal with this week, SLEEP was a necessity, and the Lord knew it.

I still feel like we live in Mars. We are still totally shocked and our life has been completely upended. There is a lot of stress, a lot of fighting, and lot of fear and a lot of worry. It is hard. Dang hard. I have had many moments of extreme panic and hoplesness.

However, every time I pray, I feel peace. I see the good. I feel peace. I see my family bonding more. I see my kids playing more. I see me way more involved in their lives, in their school work, their sports, their thoughts, their feelings. Ben is around all day. After him being gone for 9 weeks, this is a nice change. Ben's job is solid, and he will be paid regardless of what is going on. Lots of people are not that lucky right now.

I can run outside. I can still work out. I can still do what I love.

This will end. I am hanging on to that with all of the faith I can muster.

This will end, and we will all take a lot more joy in humanity, in sports, in school, in community, in togetherness, in religion, in temples, in everything.

I can't wait.