My Reasons

My Reasons

This Is Where It All Begins

This Is Where It All Begins

Thursday, May 27, 2010

A Summer of Goodbyes

And so we continue on with our summer of goodbye's.

My grandpa's funeral is today. The viewing is taking place right now actually. It is so incredibly hard not to be there. I love my grandpa and I want to be there with my family. It has not been an easy week to say the least. Everyone is saying goodbye to grandpa today. I will in my own way. I just wish I could be doing it with my family.

(my mom's last moments with grandpa)

Our friends "the good neighbors" a.k.a. the Fortin's are moving this weekend. Probably today, if all goes as planned. They have been true and wonderful friends to us. We were so blessed to have the best neighbors in the world. We have had so much fun with them camping, hanging out, laughing, going out to dinner, talking for hours out in the front yards. Not to mention Mary and Tyler's relationship. They play all the time, and when they aren't playing they are begging to play. They are "married" according to them, and they have a very special friendship. Mary is heartbroken. I can't believe they won't be next door anymore. They will be leaving behind quite the empty space in our lives. Boo!

This goodbye, as with my grandpa's, was one that was not expected this summer. And we have known there would be a lot of farewells this summer. It is a little ironic that it is this very same week a year ago, that we were saying a difficult and heart wrenching goodbye. I must say, it is much easier this year, but it is still rough. We planned on saying our goodbye to the Fortin's and bawling our eyes out, when WE moved, not when THEY moved. It pretty much sucks.

Mary's last day of gymnastics was yesterday. This goodbye wasn't super sad or anything, but still, it has been a big thing in our lives here. She has great friends there, and it has been such a fun thing for her. It is just weird to begin wrapping things up.

Of course, it was windy, but the picture is still cute.

Some things also fell through this week that were supposed to be so much fun.
My mom and sister were going to be here this weekend and we had all sorts of fun things planned. My family has NEVER been here, and I was so excited to finally have someone here and to show them around this place we love.(my mom came last year at this time, but it doesn't count because I don't remember much of it and the circumstances were really bad) It was going to be a really fun weekend. Of course, with the death of my grandpa, that will not happen. They will not be coming. I don't blame them of course, the timing just bites.
We are planning a fun Memorial weekend full of sun, beauty, new things, and being together and a family, and making the best of it. All will be well, I just sometimes dwell on what could have been and feel bad.

My doc also leaves town today and won't be back until Tuesday. He is more than a doctor to me. He is like a long time family friend. He has gotten me through a lot. Chances are, he won't be delivering our baby, unless I stay pregnant for another week. (which he said not to count on, but I am beginning to believe this pregnant state is permanent) Rock on. So, unless our baby comes today before 5:00 (and believe me, I have tried everything to make this happen), the odds are not in our favor of having Dr. Weary with us when the baby finally does arrive. For the first time this month, I am actually hoping that I DON'T go into labor this weekend. I am hoping my body can hold out 4 more days until Dr. Weary gets back. We may just make it to June 4th after all. It would be fun to have a Birthday baby, and it would be incredibly profound actually. We will see.

Obviously, I have had better weeks in my life. I have also had much worse though. With all of these nasty goodbyes, and changes in plans, we did have a fun little hello.

Mary was watching a bird catch a worm, and she saw it fly to its nest, which happens to be low down in the tree. This is what she found!

Can you see the cute little beak reaching up to get food from its mommy? There are actually three babies in there.

We have had a lot of fun watching these new little birds and their momma. The "fluff" you can see in the nest is actually a part of the blanket Chamonix slept on. The bird must have grabbed it before we sold the dog house. It is kind of nice to have a little piece of our dog still with us. I still have his dog tag, but I can't look at it yet. We miss him more than we thought. (we did get a report from his new family though...and he is incredibly happy and loving running all over their 40 acres, chasing rabbits, swimming in the stream, and playing with their 6 kids)

We love having this cute little nest in our yard with these adorable babies. There is just something about new life that is so happy and exciting. There is always good going on in the world, sometimes when I am so frustrated and consumed with other things, it is harder to see it. Thank heavens for children who are resilient enough to ignore the nasty and find the joy. I have a lot to learn from them.


shaina said...

Goodbyes are hard.
No visits when planned, are hard.
Not having Doc around this weekend...hard.
Playing with other! We are here all weekend if you want to do something.

The Mitchells said...

Sorry for the disappointments and heartache. Tomorrow is a new day...

Mama Bear said...

I am so sorry to hear about your grandpa. That is so heartbreaking. I hope you are feeling good and can't wait to see pics of the new baby.

erin d. said...

love you guys!

Ann said...

I know you don't know me, but I've been reading your blog now and again since your swine flu saga got me hooked.

I'm so sorry about your Grandpa. Since what you are doing is so important (carrying that child), it seems all the more unfair that it prevents you from being there for something so important to you and your family.

I hope that the joy your new little baby brings will help to fill up the pain you feel at your Grandpa's loss.

I also believe that during pregnancy we are more sensitive than ever to the cycle of dying and being born that is constantly rolling forward around us. May you be blessed with a grand perspective of the eternities. May that perspective give you the strength you need to face all these unrelenting challenges.

Good luck with labor and birth!

Jenny Cook said...

I meant to comment when you first posted, but things have been crazy!

I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you during the funeral and everything and I thought about how much fun you and I had with grandma and grandpa growing up.

I know you couldn't be there, but I know grandpa was always so proud of you and loved you so much. You could just see it in the way he talked about you and things like that.

Anyway, just wanted you to know I love ya! And I can't wait to see your new little one!!!!

Colleen said...

I love that photo your mom took of her hand in her father's, what a treasure! So hard to say goodbye to such wonderful friends, but I guess it will make your move just a bit easier in a way. I hope Doctor Weary is back now! Tomorrow would be a very special day to have a baby wouldn't it? :)