A Summer of Goodbyes

And so we continue on with our summer of goodbye's.

My grandpa's funeral is today. The viewing is taking place right now actually. It is so incredibly hard not to be there. I love my grandpa and I want to be there with my family. It has not been an easy week to say the least. Everyone is saying goodbye to grandpa today. I will in my own way. I just wish I could be doing it with my family.

(my mom's last moments with grandpa)


Our friends "the good neighbors" a.k.a. the Fortin's are moving this weekend. Probably today, if all goes as planned. They have been true and wonderful friends to us. We were so blessed to have the best neighbors in the world. We have had so much fun with them camping, hanging out, laughing, going out to dinner, talking for hours out in the front yards. Not to mention Mary and Tyler's relationship. They play all the time, and when they aren't playing they are begging to play. They are "married" according to them, and they have a very special friendship. Mary is heartbroken. I can't believe they won't be next door anymore. They will be leaving behind quite the empty space in our lives. Boo!

This goodbye, as with my grandpa's, was one that was not expected this summer. And we have known there would be a lot of farewells this summer. It is a little ironic that it is this very same week a year ago, that we were saying a difficult and heart wrenching goodbye. I must say, it is much easier this year, but it is still rough. We planned on saying our goodbye to the Fortin's and bawling our eyes out, when WE moved, not when THEY moved. It pretty much sucks.





Mary's last day of gymnastics was yesterday. This goodbye wasn't super sad or anything, but still, it has been a big thing in our lives here. She has great friends there, and it has been such a fun thing for her. It is just weird to begin wrapping things up.




Of course, it was windy, but the picture is still cute.


Some things also fell through this week that were supposed to be so much fun.
My mom and sister were going to be here this weekend and we had all sorts of fun things planned. My family has NEVER been here, and I was so excited to finally have someone here and to show them around this place we love.(my mom came last year at this time, but it doesn't count because I don't remember much of it and the circumstances were really bad) It was going to be a really fun weekend. Of course, with the death of my grandpa, that will not happen. They will not be coming. I don't blame them of course, the timing just bites.
We are planning a fun Memorial weekend full of sun, beauty, new things, and being together and a family, and making the best of it. All will be well, I just sometimes dwell on what could have been and feel bad.

My doc also leaves town today and won't be back until Tuesday. He is more than a doctor to me. He is like a long time family friend. He has gotten me through a lot. Chances are, he won't be delivering our baby, unless I stay pregnant for another week. (which he said not to count on, but I am beginning to believe this pregnant state is permanent) Rock on. So, unless our baby comes today before 5:00 (and believe me, I have tried everything to make this happen), the odds are not in our favor of having Dr. Weary with us when the baby finally does arrive. For the first time this month, I am actually hoping that I DON'T go into labor this weekend. I am hoping my body can hold out 4 more days until Dr. Weary gets back. We may just make it to June 4th after all. It would be fun to have a Birthday baby, and it would be incredibly profound actually. We will see.


Obviously, I have had better weeks in my life. I have also had much worse though. With all of these nasty goodbyes, and changes in plans, we did have a fun little hello.

Mary was watching a bird catch a worm, and she saw it fly to its nest, which happens to be low down in the tree. This is what she found!

Can you see the cute little beak reaching up to get food from its mommy? There are actually three babies in there.

We have had a lot of fun watching these new little birds and their momma. The "fluff" you can see in the nest is actually a part of the blanket Chamonix slept on. The bird must have grabbed it before we sold the dog house. It is kind of nice to have a little piece of our dog still with us. I still have his dog tag, but I can't look at it yet. We miss him more than we thought. (we did get a report from his new family though...and he is incredibly happy and loving running all over their 40 acres, chasing rabbits, swimming in the stream, and playing with their 6 kids)

We love having this cute little nest in our yard with these adorable babies. There is just something about new life that is so happy and exciting. There is always good going on in the world, sometimes when I am so frustrated and consumed with other things, it is harder to see it. Thank heavens for children who are resilient enough to ignore the nasty and find the joy. I have a lot to learn from them.

A Good Man

Grandpa passed away today.
The tears streaming down my face are tears of sadness and also tears of joy.
My heart hurts. It hurts a lot.
But at the same time, my heart is full. Full of the knowledge of the glorious reunion taking place in heaven at this very moment. My grandparents are together once again, after 16 years.

My relationship with grandpa was a unique one, and I feel blessed.
He wasn't the kind of grandpa you just see once a year at a reunion and hear stories about every once in a while.
He was the grandpa that came over for Sunday dinners.
The grandpa who came to all of my sports events.
The grandpa who remembered every single Birthday.
The grandpa who was full of hugs and hand kisses.
The grandpa with endless stories of his farm-boy childhood.
The grandpa I grew up with.
The grandpa who played the harmonica.
The grandpa who helped me build my first snowman complete with hair made out of leaves.
The grandpa who loved sweets almost as much as I do.
The grandpa who would go bowling once a week at the age of 90.
The grandpa that was there...always there.
The example.
The friend.
The hero.

It is ripping my heart out to not be able to be there. To comfort my mother. To mourn with my family. To go to the funeral. To talk about grandpa. To hear the stories and the memories. To share in the comfort, warmth and peace of family.
But the timing isn't right. Our baby boy is on the way any day now. I am just going to have to bask in the comfort that grandpa is with him now. Preparing him for his turn on this earth. And of course, passing on his name.

Earlier this week, grandpa actually mentioned our precious child. He told my mother that "the little boy was coming." He mentioned a few other things as well. He saw our son. I find peace in that.

Our son will be named after grandpa. It was planned before grandpa became so sick just a few short weeks ago. And now, more than ever, that will be very significant.

I love you grandpa. As hard as it was, I am so glad I was able to talk to you one last time yesterday. I will forever be grateful for that. I hope you heard me tell you that I love you.

Enjoy being back with your dear companion, never to be apart again. You left behind a legacy like none other, and even though you leave behind a hole that can never be filled, we will continue to carry your legacy forward. Thank you grandpa.

Like Daddy Like Daughter

I LOVE how she claps for herself at the end. Way too cute! Good job Mary. Another ski season down and a million more to go. Next year Sam will be joining her!

Life

It is an interesting thing really.
It is something that can be all consuming, or it is something that we don't even think twice about.
And yet, it is so fragile, so precious, and so important.
It all depends on the situation and the circumstances.

I have been thinking a lot about life lately. The anticipation of a new baby, a new life, can do that to a person.
The anticipation of a new life entering our home, is of course, one of joy and happiness. Just as a new life should be.


I got a phone call a few days ago. My 92 yr. old grandpa (with whom I grew up in the same town with, and have a million memories with, and whom I love dearly) had a stroke. Since then he has also had a heart attack and contracted pneumonia. Life to him right now, is also in the front of his mind, as well as with the rest of us.
My grandpa has lived a very fulfilling and hard working 92 years. His wife passed on too early, and for him, the end of life is probably a very welcoming and exciting thought.
For those of us left behind however, the end of his life is a heart wrenching and very difficult thing to be forced to consider.

As I have been on the phone the past few days, the conversations have been all about major life events, and trying to somehow plan these events centered around life. Something that no one can predict. The new life about to enter our home, a precious life that is hanging on by a thread, an upcoming wedding and the joining of two lives, moving plans that will change the course of our lives, family reunion plans and the reconnecting of lives once shared but now separated through distance and well..life.

It is also almost June. The month that is also my middle name. A month that will forever have me contemplating life. My own life, as my Birthday draws near. The life of my grandmother, with whom I share a middle name and a Birthday month. The life and death of an unborn child, that we experienced last June. The life of an uncle, who passed away unexpectedly in June. And now, a new life in our home and the possible end of another.

With all of these thoughts in my mind and weighing on my heart, I am so grateful for the knowledge I have of life. I know exactly where we come from, why we are here, and where we will go. The plan is perfect and one of hope, comfort and peace. I thank my Heavenly Father each day for this knowledge and the peace it brings.

I don't know what life will bring, especially within these next few weeks, but it is life. And no matter what, it does go on. Even after death. The only constant in life is change, and as wonderful or horrible as that can be, it is what it is.

Life will be in the front of my mind for this period of time, and thank goodness it is in the hands of an all knowing and loving Heavenly Father, because the timing of so many lives at this point, need to somehow all work out and come together for the common good. It will take a miracle, but nothing is impossible. After all, life itself is a miracle, isn't it.

The First of Many

Yesterday was the day. It was the beginning of many hard goodbye's for our family.
Because of the move, we have had to try to find a home for Chamonix. We prayed and prayed to find the perfect home....and we did.

The family has 6 kids, all home-schooled, so they are home all day to play with him. They live on 40 acres, so he can run and play all day.
He sleeps in their garage, which has a doggy door hooked to a dog run, so he will be safe at night.
They are a sweet family, and they love animals.
It is the perfect scenerio for our dog, and we were so glad to find such an awesome home for him. But still...

It was a hard goodbye. Much harder than expected. In fact, my heart is still very, very heavy today. It kills me to look out at the empty dog house.

I had a lump in my throat the whole way out to their house. It almost killed me to take of his tag that declared his name and our address. All of the memories with him were flooding my mind. Hiking, running, camping, playing, ect. It is funny how you only remember the best of times, when you are about to let something or someone go. The past few months with him have been rough, and he will be better off with his new family, but still...

When we got there, it was comforting to see him blast out of the car and run all over the wide open space. The kids in his new family surrounded him and gave him loves before we even left the house. We know he will be very, very happy. But still...

When we pulled out, the last thing we saw was Chamonix looking at us. His ears were up and his head was cocked to the side. It is the look I love and the look that melted our hearts. It was not easy to pull away, not easy at all. Ben and I were both a little shocked with how hard we were taking it. The kids were just fine, and that was a big blessing, but still...

We drove home with tears in our eyes and holes in our hearts. Animals have a way of becoming more than just animals. Especially when you have so many fun memories with them. He was a lot more than just a dog to us.

He will be the first of many goodbyes we will be facing in the next few months, as a result of our move. And his was supposed to be one of the easier ones. We were wrong. It will all be for the better in the long run, but still...

Numbers

I am a numbers person, and even though the numbers can make things seem overwhelming, I feel very blessed to be able to have a plan and to have numbers. We have a BUSY next few months ahead of us. I am trying to stock up on sleep and energy now, because I think I may just be as close to dead as a human can be by the time August rolls around. Gotta love moving with a newborn. One of these times, we may just escape it. So far though, we are 3 for 3. And I would rather experience all of the craziness this summer will bring, than go though last summer all over again. It's all about perspective my friends. Please remind me of this when I am running around like a crazy person in about a month from now.

2.... broken toes (yup, I broke another toe this week. This one was WAY worse. I actually lay there on the floor and cried this time. My kids even heard the snap) I need to learn how to walk. Or maybe I just need to be able to see what is in front of me, that would help.
2.5.....cm dialated
50.....% effaced
( I am sure you all just love getting that info. But hey, I am pregnant and that is how it goes)
1....week until next appt.
2...weeks until mom and sister are here for a few days for a soccer tournament
3....weeks and two days until due date
?....when baby will actually arrive
(does anyone else see the problem with the above scenario?)
June 4th...due date
June 4th...we close on our house
June 4th...my Birthday
My mom and then Ben's mom here for the first two weeks after baby is born.
July 4th...bless our little guy in the Colorado Springs, Briargate Ward. Happy Independence Day!
July 4th-July 15th....pack, pack, pack, pack
July 15th...the kids and I say goodbye to Colorado Springs (I basically have my heart ripped out) and drive to Utah, with Mary, Sam, and a newborn. Ben stays behind to finish up work.
July 16th...my brother gets married in the Timpanogas temple. Reception that night in Utah, open house the next day in Pocatello.
July 16th-July 23 Belnap family reunion. I get to see my whole family!
July 23rd-July 30th I drive to Utah a few times to paint the house! The rest of the time is spent at my parents house in Pocatello.
July 30th....Ben finishes his last day of work here in Colorado, packs the moving truck, says goodbye and heads to Utah.
July 31st...we move into our home in Utah
July 31st-the next few months...we move in, unpack, Mary begins kindergarten, we start new ward, Ben starts new job,I cry a lot (out of stress, fatigue, hormones, and because I am terrible with change), and we adjust to everything.

Can I have a nap now?

The Incident

The other day, Mary and Sam were playing outside and I noticed the neighbor boy was out shooting his BB gun. He looked young and his aim was anything but great, so I had the kids come inside.

We woke up the next morning to this.



Ben found the BB that broke the window, and walked over to their house. You can actually see the back of their house in the above picture.

Two boys with sheepish faces opened the door, and their grandpa kindly offered to pay for a new window.

No harm done. I am just grateful that this was a window and not one of my kids.

The funny thing is, however, is that yesterday they were back out shooting again...and aiming right at our house.

Maybe when the grandpa gets the bill for a new window, the guns will be no more.

A Mother's Day Thought

A Child's Angel

Once upon a time there was a child ready to be born. So one day he

asked God:

They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow but how am I going to

live there being so small and helpless?

Among the many angels, I chose one for you. She will be waiting for

You and will take care of you.

But tell me, here in Heaven, I don't do anything else but sing and

smile, that's enough for me to be happy.

Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you every day. And

you will feel your angel's love and be happy.

And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me, if

I don't know the language that men talk?

Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will

ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you

how to speak.

And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?

Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to

pray.

I've heard that on earth there are bad men. Who will protect me?

Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life.

But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore.

Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you the way

for you to come back to me, even though I will always be next to you.

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from earth

could already be heard, and the child in a hurry asked softly:

Oh God, if I am about to leave now, please tell me my angel's name

Your angel's name is of no importance, you will call your angel:

Mommy

(Author Unknown)

The View From The Window

I was upstairs, putting a toy away here and straightening a bed there. The sounds of laughter made their way up to me, and I turned to look out the window. It was then that I saw the picture perfect moment. The kind of moment that no actual picture can ever capture. The kind that can only be etched in a mothers heart and kept safely there.

Sam was on one swing, Mary on the other. Both kids had huge grins of delight as their daddy pushed them higher and higher. Ben's face was one of joy and happiness as well.

As I stood in the window looking down on my precious family, my heart was full.

My children are healthy, active, happy and full of life.
I have the perfect husband for me.
The bond that Ben and I share is one of deep, rich love, and a firm commitment to face this life hand in hand.

And there they were, sharing in life's simple pleasures, happily playing together as a family. My family.

We are a family. We have eachother. We have God. We have eternity. We have love.
And as I stood there at the window (cradling the other precious life in my belly), I realized that this is enough. It will always be enough.

Some pictures will never fade.

You Know You Are Nine Months Pregnant When...

You drop everything on the floor, and spend the next few seconds deciding if it is really worth picking it back up. Most of the time, you just kick it to the general area it belongs to, and ask one of the kids to put it away.

If that item is worth picking up, you use salad tongs or train track pieces to get that object.

Your 5 yr. old daughter paints your toenails, because she can actually see your feet.

Your husband knows that when you put your arm up in the air, it means you are ready to get up off the couch or the chair, and you need his help.

Random people stare at your belly begin asking when you are due or try to rub your belly. (PLEASE don't rub my belly, yes there is a baby in there, but it is still my belly, my body, and my bubble)

EVERYONE at the gym looks at you with a very worried expression, like you are going to fall off the elliptical and begin screaming out of labor pains at any given second. Or maybe they are just concerned about that huge protuding belly bouncing all over the place.

There are 5 pillows on the bed dedicated to just you, and you still are not even close to getting comfortable.

You look at the huge hippo at the zoo, lying around in its own feeces and lazily chewing on a head of lettuce, and feel like you can totally relate.

You belly button pops out just like a turkey timer, announcing to the whole world that you are done.

Every twinge, contraction or pain brings on hopes of an upcoming labor. It is the one time where feeling pain gives you hope and feeling great makes you grumpy.

You are jealous of anyone wearing pants with a zipper and a button.

Monday: your back hurts
Tuesday: Your back hurts and your legs ache
Wednesday: your back hurts, your legs ache and your fat fingers can't grip anything
Thursday: your back hurts, your legs ache, your fingers are fat and you have a headache
Friday: CONTRACTIONS! no contractions. CONTRACTIONS! no contractions
Saturday: you get a nap, and some help from the hubby. You feel pretty good.
Sunday: Tired, but feeling good.
Repeat process but add more pain and swelling to each item

No matter how hard you try, there is ALWAYS a stain or a crumb somewhere on your shirt. Usually in a spot you can no longer see, so someone else has to tell you.

Trying to tie your shoes is impossible, so sandals with socks become your new fashion. Hello white trash! You could omit the socks, if you want to show off your swollen veiny ankles and your rainbow/sparkle toenails.

Yes, it is true. You really do waddle. Anyone would if they felt like they had a brick between their legs!

You actually look forward to your OB visit and all of the joy that comes with the last month of visits. The course of your whole life as you know it will come from some simple words. Either you are dialated and effaced, or you are not. Either you hate the doctor or you love him. Either you cry or you don't. You are told nothing is happening and have the baby that night, or you get false hope and are a beast for the next week. And then you go back a week later and do it all over again. Rock on.

You are EXHAUSTED, but somehow have this crazy urge to organize the cereal in alphlabetical order, or organize the basement (no small thing) or you can't sit until the "junk drawer" in the kitchen is organized, or you can't sleep until you have made 10 lists of absolutely nothing, but they seem important to you. The joys of nesting.

Your belly is at just the right level to collide with your 3yr. olds head. The poor kid gets bonked on a daily basis.

Your husband spends 1/2 the day telling you, "it's just water weight."

Your daughter looks closely at your belly and asks you if it is possible for it to pop.

Your son looks at your belly for a long time before asking you if you are o.k.

Every morning you wake up, you have to wait an hour for the swelling to subside before you can see, get dressed, or go out in public.

You truly debate on whether or not to jump off the church stage after the ward talent show, jump on your friends trampoline, do cartwheels with your daugher, or maybe even jump rope...just to "get things going."

The rings you are wearing are stuck, and the ones you aren't wearing cannot be put on.

The baby clothes are hung, the bed is set up, the carseat is ready to go, the bottles are in the cupboard, diaper stations around the house are ready to go..and you still have a month until the due date.

And here I am...one month to go. It will be worth it....it will be worth it...it will be worth it...

What's In A Birthday?

June 4th.

This has always been a special day for me. Why wouldn't it be. It is my Birthday.
It has also turned out to be an interesting date as well.

When I was in college, my uncle died unexpectedly on that date. He was a great man, and is sorely missed by his wife and 5 kids.

Last year, on my Birthday, I was rushed to the hospital via ambulance after passing out at home in Ben's arms from a miscarriage (at 16 weeks) gone very wrong. I lost over 35% of my blood (and possibly more) in about 4 hours that day. I spent my Birthday in surgery, going back and forth in between consciousness, getting a CAT scan from passing out in the hospital and hitting my head, lying in a hospital bed, and mourning the loss of what could have been. It was a terrible day and is still hard for Ben and I to think about.

This year, yet again, June 4th will have great significance. For three reasons so far.

First of all, it is my Birthday, which means a good reason to celebrate...right.

Second...it is the due date for our little bundle in my belly. It was confirmed again at the last ultrasound a month ago. I do not believe in any way, shape, or form, that this is a coincidence. Even though the odds are slim that he will actually be born on my Birthday, it is still so wonderful to me. It gives me a reason to look forward to a date that had potential to bring back horrible memories. A date that I had decided to erase from my mind. Now, it will be full of fun anticipation, or maybe even, an infant in our home.

Third....it is the date we will close on our home in Utah!!!!!
That's right, we found a home this weekend that we absolutely love. We are already under contract. We are pretty excited about the tax credit. We didn't even really think about it or know about it when planning the trip. We didn't even realize the timing of it all, so it is a great perk. Another blessing.

We looked at 40 homes in two days. Yup, 40 homes! 25 the first day, and 15 the second day. By the end of the second day, my feet were so swollen that we literally couldn't see my ankles. Ben and I were exhausted, but so excited! We LOVE the house. It is perfect for us, and we knew it right when we got to it.

There are so many awesome things about it. It has the whole package. It is just the right size for our family. It has new carpet, new paint, and it looks just like new on the inside and outside. There is a nice, big yard. There is a park literally on the other side of the fence. (basically in our back yard) It is at the end of a very cute and well kept cul-de-sac. There is a path on the side of the house that goes forever. Perfect for the kids to ride their bikes away from the road. It is in the spot that we were really hoping to find a home in. We really like the area, ect. For our family, our taste and our phase of life, it is just right for us. We feel so blessed to be able to find a home in such a short amount of time. We didn't have a choice, because of the pregnancy being so far along. We did our best to prepare as much as possible before we left for Utah, and it paid off.
I am not going to write the area it is in, or the address, for safety reasons, but just ask if you want to know.

Our trip getting there was nuts. A random snow storm (in late April) slammed Colorado and Wyoming. We drove about 15mph in horrible weather, in the dark, for an hour or so before pulling off in Laramie. We ended up stuck in Laramie because of the freeway being closed. It didn't open until 2:00 the next afternoon. Luckily, our realtor and Ben's work were both very flexible, so it all worked out. We were pretty frustrated for a while there, but glad that we were safe.

My mom had the kids (who had so much fun they didn't even care to see us when we picked them up) and Ben and I stayed with some great friends. It was so nice to not worry about the kids and to spend time with good friends. We house hunted ALL day and then stayed up really late laughing our heads off and telling stories. Thank you Ben and Megan. We had a great time and we will miss you when you move.

We are absolutely exhausted today, but we are happy and so grateful for a successful weekend.

So, what's in a Birthday?

For me...a lot more than a Birthday.

Good Times

What a weekend. It was wonderful! It was full of good friends and good times.

It started off with a date to lunch with Mel.."the good neighbor." Her son Tyler and our little Mary are the best of friends. Mike and Mel and Ben and I are also extrememly close. Mel is in school full time and Mike works in Denver, so we haven't seen much of eachother lately. It was so fun to be with Mel and to watch Mary, Sam and Tyler play until they dropped. It was a great afternoon and I walked away with a huge lump in my throat at the thought of leaving this wonderful friendship behind. I am comforted though, in the fact that this is one of those friendships that distance will not break.

Friday night, we ate at one of our favorite restaurants, Texas Roadhouse. Thank you Cintas and Ben's hard work. We didn't pay a cent for the dinner. That is the best kind of dinner in my opinion. We went to the one in Monument. Good food. Good times.

When we got back, it was off to Mike and Mel's. They are our camping buddies, but since it is too early to camp, and they bought a fire pit, we decided to test it out.
We ended up staying until 11:30pm. The kids played and played and played. We laughed until I thought the baby would come out. We talked, we joked, we laughed more, we told stories, Mike (a past realtor) gave us tons of advice for buying a home, and we basked in the goodness of friends. Good memories. Good friends. Good times.

Saturday was the baby shower. It was a joint shower for Traci and I.


She is having a girl and I am having a boy. It was really fun to share in the partying and the company.
Good decorations.

Good food.

Cute stuff everywhere.

Good friends.

And this picture has now brought me to tears at least twice.
How will I ever leave these wonderful women in my life. Honestly! They are more than just friends to me. We have all been through so much together. The bad times and the good.
Thanks again Adri and Lori for doing the shower. It was wonderful!
And my little boy won't come home naked. He has some great outfits to choose from.
Good times.

Sunday evening, we decided to drive to Garden of the Gods and walk around. Ben was saying it was probably his 15th time there, and it was probably my 10th. We really like that place.
The lighting was absolutely perfect as we walked around and soaked in the fresh air. To top it off, there was a group of women singing some beautiful songs. As we walked, their musics echoed off those majestic rocks and we just basked in the beauty and wonder of being in such a beautiful place. Again, it left lumps in our throats and holes in our hearts at the thought of leaving, but oh what a wonderful time we have had here.
Good times.

I am grateful.

Leaving Zion for...Zion?

I just wrote a huge, long, and very detailed post explaining everything, but honestly, I don't know anyone besides me and some family members that would care to read the whole thing. And to those people, we have already told the story, so no use repeating it. So, I will save that post (for journaling purposes) and just give you the basics. I would encourage you not to skim this post. It may result in a lot of questions. This post is still long, but just grab a snack, slap on a diaper, and plow through. You won't regret it.


First off, let me just say that Ben and I LOVE Colorado Springs. I have labeled it my Zion, because I feel that everything about this place is perfect. I have never taken it for granted. I am so happy here, and it fits our family like a glove. Some days I just drive around with a grin on my face and I have to pinch myself to really believe that life could be this good here. We would gladly stay here forever, if it was our choice.

But, it isn't our choice, and that is the reason for this post. Due to some very special moments and strong revelation that occurred during a family reunion this summer, we have known that for quite some time now. We have known all along where the Lord wants us to end up, we just weren't sure about when. We didn't know when the revelation to leave our Zion would come.

Come it did. It came much ,much sooner than expected,and it came very fast and very unexpectedly. My mind is still reeling.

Short story:
Less than a month ago Ben and I were on a drive with the kids. We were talking about how wonderful Colorado Springs is and how happy we are here.

So, on this drive, Ben looked at me and said, "I feel like it is time that we talk about Utah. Yes, Utah is the place we have known would eventually be our home. I will not elaborate on why we haven't liked the idea at all, but lets just say that it has been a rough one to get used to. Thank goodness the Lord has given us lots of time to get over it and start finding the good in it. And we have found a lot of good. We are actually getting excited.

Ben and I talked and talked and talked, and then we prayed.
And we got an answer...it is time.
Then we wondered how we would get to Utah. So we prayed again.
The answer came.

The next day Ben called the Cintas manager in Salt Lake City,Utah. He just wanted to talk to him. What do you know....they had a position open and they were interviewing.

The next day, Ben talked to his manager here and was able to get time off to go to Utah...in record time.

The next week, our family drove to Utah for Ben's "business meetings." Also know as his job interview.

We figured that Ben would just talk to the manager and feel things out. These things always take time....lots of time, so I wasn't too worried.

Imagine the shock when I picked Ben up from the interview to learn that he had been offered the job and they wanted him to start June 1st. Three days before our baby is due. uummmm,yeah.

We spent the rest of the trip driving all over the place with the new eyes you get when you are looking at a place you will be living. Utah looks different when you are just visiting. We searched and searched for our "Colorado Springs in Utah." We found some great places and some not so great places, but it will take another trip in a few weeks before we really nail it down. We are currently talking with a realtor (spelling?) and house hunting like crazy. Thank goodness it is such an awesome buyers market right now. It makes things really nice.

From the time Ben told me in the car that we needed to talk about Utah, to the time Ben had a job and a start date, it was only 11 days! Yes my friends, all of this took place in just 11 days. Is there any doubt at all that the Lord has completely opened the doors and led the way. No, absolutely not.

My emotions were nothing short of a patient in a psyche ward the past few weeks, but they have been in control and much more calm this past few days. I have bawled my eyes out. I have been excited. I have been nervous. I have freaked out. I have felt like it is so right and so good. I have had peace. I have been exhausted. I have been excited. Oh man, not much time to adjust to it all, ya know.

Thankfully, Cintas is an awesome company, and they are willing to push Ben's start date back so we can have the baby here and get things in order. Hooray!

We will most likely be moving to Utah the first week in July. Ironically, the week our lease is up here in Colorado Springs. Interesting.
If not the first week in July, it will be the beginning of September. We should find out for sure later on today or tomorrow. I am pacing the floors, to say the least.

So there you have it.

We are moving to Utah, and we are moving soon. Very soon.

We have absolutely 100% no doubt that the Lord needs us in Utah, and we need to be there now. The Lord does care where we live. He does care when we live there, and he has had his hand in all of this. He has led us the entire way. We don't doubt it.
It is ripping our hearts out to think of leaving our beloved Colorado Springs, our wonderful friends, and our home, but I know we will be happy there. We would never, ever leave Colorado Springs, unless we were absolutely certain that it was the Lord's will. And we are certain. It is hard, but we know the Lord would not send us somewhere we cannot handle. We will find our new Zion.

We cannot deny the promptings or the revelation that have been so incredibly powerful. The timing has been unbelievable (not to mention VERY fast)! I credit nothing to coincidence.

Through faith, prayer and revelation, I have found my peace. We have found our peace. Through all of this, these two scriptures continue to roll through my mind over and over again.

1 Nephi 3:7
.."I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them to accomplish the things which he commandeth them."

Proverbs 3: 5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct they paths."

So, off we go. We are going to be very busy from here on out. We need to find a house, pack, have a baby, cram in everything we love to do here, for one last time, and start prying our hearts away from Colorado and sticking them in Utah. I am pretty sure there are many tears to come, but at the same time, there will be so much joy in obeying the will of the Lord.

Here we go.

In One Word....Wow!

Ben is one tough guy.
The big huge bear he fought went down with a fight. It just came out of nowhere and attacked Ben. It was close, but Ben came out on top.

o.k., actually he was biking up pikes peak, but that is still amazing. If you have ever been up on that trail, it is not easy to hike, much less bike. Ben rocks!

What a man!

And here I sit whining about my poor little broken toe that looks like a giant blueberry.
Not any more.

Just when they couldn't get any more amazing.....

We thought that with the death of Oreo,our gerbil tales would be over.
Were we ever wrong!
The two remaining gerbils have made up for the loss of Oreo and they have become more active and fun to watch. Not to mention they have become professional escape artists, and I have become a professional gerbil catcher. It really is an art. These things are fast.

This is what Ben discovered today when coming to the computer to do some homework. (the gerbil cage is up here on the desk by the computer)

Yes, that is what you think it is, well maybe. Aside from the blurry picture and the bad lighting, you might be able to see what it is.
The black gerbil is INSIDE the water bottle!!!

The white gerbil is pretty fat and mellow, but she gave it a try. She got about 1/2 way in before giving up and taking a lunch break.

They chewed a small hole in the water bottle, drained the water and decided to play in it. This is not an easy task. The water bottle is above their heads, so they had to hang on it while chewing the small hole in the bottom. Amazing!



Seriously... I bet none of you have seen a gerbil do that! We should really start a circus. We love these little fuzzy friends!

Right when I finished the post, I looked over and saw this!

She did it. Our fat, white, furry friend made it into the water bottle as well.

Leaving Zion for...Zion?

I just wrote a huge, long, and very detailed post explaining everything, but honestly, I don't know anyone besides me and some family members that would care to read the whole thing. And to those people, we have already told the story, so no use repeating it. So, I will save that post (for journaling purposes) and just give you the basics. I would encourage you not to skim this post. It may result in a lot of questions. This post is still long, but just grab a snack, slap on a diaper, and plow through. You won't regret it.

First off, let me just say that Ben and I LOVE Colorado Springs. I have labeled it my Zion, because I feel that everything about this place is perfect. I have never taken it for granted. I am so happy here, and it fits our family like a glove. Some days I just drive around with a grin on my face and I have to pinch myself to really believe that life could be this good here. We would gladly stay here forever, if it was our choice.

But, it isn't our choice, and that is the reason for this post. Due to some very special moments and strong revelation that occurred during a family reunion this summer, we have known that for quite some time now. We have known all along where the Lord wants us to end up, we just weren't sure about when. We didn't know when the revelation to leave our Zion would come.

Come it did. It came much ,much sooner than expected,and it came very fast and very unexpectedly. My mind is still reeling.

Short story:
Less than a month ago Ben and I were on a drive with the kids. We were talking about how wonderful Colorado Springs is and how happy we are here.

So, on this drive, Ben looked at me and said, "I feel like it is time that we talk about Utah. Yes, Utah is the place we have known would eventually be our home. I will not elaborate on why we haven't liked the idea at all, but lets just say that it has been a rough one to get used to. Thank goodness the Lord has given us lots of time to get over it and start finding the good in it. And we have found a lot of good. We are actually getting excited.

Ben and I talked and talked and talked, and then we prayed.
And we got an answer...it is time.
Then we wondered how we would get to Utah. So we prayed again.
The answer came.

The next day Ben called the Cintas manager in Salt Lake City,Utah. He just wanted to talk to him. What do you know....they had a position open and they were interviewing.

The next day, Ben talked to his manager here and was able to get time off to go to Utah...in record time.

The next week, our family drove to Utah for Ben's "business meetings." Also know as his job interview.

We figured that Ben would just talk to the manager and feel things out. These things always take time....lots of time, so I wasn't too worried.

Imagine the shock when I picked Ben up from the interview to learn that he had been offered the job and they wanted him to start June 1st. Three days before our baby is due. uummmm,yeah.

We spent the rest of the trip driving all over the place with the new eyes you get when you are looking at a place you will be living. Utah looks different when you are just visiting. We searched and searched for our "Colorado Springs in Utah." We found some great places and some not so great places, but it will take another trip in a few weeks before we really nail it down. We are currently talking with a realtor (spelling?) and house hunting like crazy. Thank goodness it is such an awesome buyers market right now. It makes things really nice.

Basically we went from not even thinking about moving at all, to planning a new job and a move to Utah in the future in only 11 days! Yes my friends, all of this took place in just 11 days.

My emotions were nothing short of a patient in a psyche ward the past few weeks, but they have been in control and much more calm this past few days. I have bawled my eyes out. I have been excited. I have been nervous. I have freaked out. I have felt like it is so right and so good. I have had peace. I have been exhausted. I have been excited. Oh man, not much time to adjust to it all, ya know.

Thankfully, Cintas is an awesome company, and they are willing to push Ben's start date back so we can have the baby here and get things in order. Hooray!

We will most likely be moving to Utah the first week in July. Ironically, the week our lease is up here in Colorado Springs. Interesting.
If not the first week in July, it will be the beginning of September. We should find out for sure later on today or tomorrow. I am pacing the floors, to say the least.

So there you have it.

We are moving to Utah, and we are moving soon. Very soon.

We have absolutely 100% no doubt that the Lord needs us in Utah, and we need to be there now. The Lord does care where we live. He does care when we live there, and he has had his hand in all of this. He has led us the entire way. We don't doubt it.
It is ripping our hearts out to think of leaving our beloved Colorado Springs, but I know we will be happy there. We would never, ever leave Colorado Springs, unless we were absolutely certain that it was the Lord's will. And we are certain. It is hard, but we know the Lord would not send us somewhere we cannot handle. We will find our new Zion.

We cannot deny the promptings or the revelation that have been so incredibly powerful. The timing has been unbelievable (not to mention VERY fast)! I credit nothing to coincidence.

So, off we go. We are going to be very busy from here on out. We need to find a house, pack, have a baby, cram in everything we love to do here, for one last time, and start prying our hearts away from Colorado and sticking them in Utah.

Here we go.

When Toe Meets Chair

Gotta love it when you are 8 months pregnant and you can't see anything on the floor in front of you.


Of course, the pictures are blurry and don't show the dark shades of black, red and purple. And the majority of the color and swelling are under my toe and on the side, but you get the idea.

Never underestimate the power of the pinkie toe. When broken (and yes, I heard the bone snap), the pain can be unbelievable! Pain, lots of pain.

Short and Sweet

My mind is still buzzing from the trip, I am VERY tired, and there is a lot going on, but I thought I should hurry up and give a quick summary of our trip. It was short and sweet, but it was good.

The kids were AWESOME in the car! Seriously, it was such a blessing. Mary started to perk up a few days into the trip. She did so well considering how sick she was. She is a good sport. She is still weak, but basically back to her old self again.

We went to the Discovery Museum in Salt Lake City. It was pretty cool. The kids had a great time.

Ben did his Cintas thing and had his work meetings while the kids and I chilled with some friends.

We had our first In N'Out milkshakes since we moved from California. Heavenly!

We visited my family. It is always great to see family.

My sister was in the Jr. Miss pageant and did great! It was so fun to watch!
She was 2nd runner up out of 26 girls, and she won the fitness portion, which was so crazy hard it wasn't even funny.
GO KELSEY!!!! She looked gorgeous in her gown and she aced her interview. I have a very cool sister.

Easter was fun. The Easter bunny was pretty silly and hid the eggs all over the place. He even left some cool gifts for the kids. We all ate too much candy. We all enjoyed spending Easter morning with my family.

Conference was absolutely amazing and I can't wait to get the Ensign and read everything and soak it all in again.

My brother (who was supposed to ride with us from Utah to Pocatello) ended up being in a car with 3 other guys when the gun one of the guys was holding went off. The bullet blasted through the kids hand, went through the drivers arm and then shattered the window of the car on its way out. My brother and his buddy had to administer first aid until the ambulance got there. Both boys had surgery and are recovering well. We are glad that no one else was injured or killed. They made it into the Utah news and newspaper.

We got home very late last night and got to bed even later. The kids, yet again, were really good in the car.

That's about it. It's good to be home safe and sound.