O.K.

Mary and Sam tested positive for Swine Flu today.
They are both completely miserable, and it literally makes me cry to watch them go through something so awful.
The fevers are a constant battle and the poor kids are hurting all over.




Lucky for us, we were able to get Tamiflu for Sam. It was a close one. They are running out all over the place, and the qualifications to get it are very strict.
Mary gets to ride this out with nothing. I can't even stand to think about it.
They are both on Motrin and Tylenol around the clock. Our counter is beginning to look like a pharmacy.


The momma bear in me came out and I am in full survival mode. I have forgotten myself. Although, I do eat and drink, because I am taking care of baby #3 as well.
The Lord has definitely had his hand in this, because miracle of all miracles, I was able to make it through the entire day with only one nap. And that is after being up 1/2 the night with the two kiddos and being terribly sick for 6 straight days.
The cramps have also calmed down. Huge relief.
Somehow, even though Ben does have a nasty cold (cross your fingers) he has been able to help so much and allow me to rest. He also somehow had an awesome work week with the few hours he was able to get to work. We have been so blessed.

I called Mary's gymnastics coaches, and pulled her out of her class for the next week or so. They were very kind and understanding.
We will all stay home from church this week and possibly next.
No play group.
No preschool.
No play-dates.
No shopping.
No library.
We are hunkering down and waiting this one out.
Ben and I are doing everything we can to make the kids comfortable.
I made the brave trek into Walmart today in order to get the vitals. I basically wiped down the entire cart before and after. I avoided everyone and tried not to breathe. They were completely out of childrens Tylenol. The name brand and the no-name. Thank goodness for food storage medicine.
Our home will be our little cave for a while now, and we are going to make the best of it. There is nothing else we can do.

Here is a picture of my bedside pharmacy. I have my drugs, some books, lots of kleenex, a very special and adorable card from Mary, and my loveable "get well bear" from Ben. It is the softest bear I have ever held.



We have stuff set up for the kids downstairs. The couches are the best place for them.






You know...I don't really know why this year seems to be one thing after the next for us. We have been hit with a lot. But today, while I was typing the previous blog post and crying like a baby out of discouragement, I noticed it was quiet.
I looked around me and I saw peace.

There was a beautiful snow lying on the gorgeous bright red, yellow and orange trees.
I watched as the snow slowly melted, the sun came out, and the world was a beautiful rainbow of autumn colors, all fresh and moist.
We are in a wonderful season of warmth, family, friends, pumpkin pie, giving, sharing, beauty, magic, wonder and peace.

I have felt peace and happiness ever since. There is just a hope and a joy in my heart. I am so excited for Fall! I absolutely love this time of year, and it is here!!!!

The Swine Flu will not last forever.
It will not ruin this wonderful season and the magic and excitement in the air.
We will beat it, and we will beat anything else that may come our way.


I am full of hope. We will walk away from this. More lessons will be learned. It is just another mountain to climb. We will come out on top.
And come what may, we have hope. We have a lot to hope for.

We will continue to enjoy this season to the fullest. We still have our giant spider to make for the lawn. Sam's Halloween costume to find. Ben's Birthday gifts to order and wrap. Christmas gifts to begin working on. Decorations to find and put up. Snow skiing to enjoy. Family trips to plan. Christmas lists to finalize. New Moon to watch at midnight next month. Leaves to jump in. Pictures to take. Mountains to explore. Yummy food to bake. And a baby to see in 10 days (via ultrasound).
We have so much to be excited about and look forward to! Even if all we can do right now is plan and think about it, it is enough. That itself, brings happiness.

We are in the Lord's hands, and His hands are tender and kind. Even though this horrible Flu will be awful for them for a while, and it will be so hard to watch them suffer, I have faith that my babies will all be o.k.
We will all be o.k.

And The Rain Came Tumbling Down....

Sam woke up bawling at 4:30am. His fever was 101. He is now coughing.
Mary woke up tired and grumpy. She is pretty warm and hasn't left the couch.
I feel horrible from being up with Sam last night and dealing with very "needy" and upset kids since then. I am still pretty sick myself, but slowly improving.
Ben will be home soon....I hope. He is coughing and has a small fever.
The kids both have Dr. appointments today at 4:00. They will be tested for Swine Flu (yes, the q-tip test).
I am a worried mess. I know exactly how horrible and miserable it feels (and I have medicine). I can't even begin to imagine my kids trying to fight through it. Mary does not qualify for the Tamiflu. I am not sure about Sam. I know Ben doesn't either.
Heaven help us.

The appointment

The song playing right now goes to the post just before this one. If you haven't read it, read that one first.


Went to the doctor. ;)
I was put in the exact room I was in four months ago. Not good. Are we surprised my blood pressure was 10 points higher than normal, or that my breathing was too fast?

Dr. Weary walked in the room wearing a mask and making Darth Vador noises. I am glad that at least someone in that office wasn't scared to death of me. I think he was just trying to make me feel better. And it did have us both chuckling. And no..not one person was in the waiting room for me to breathe on, and interestingly enough, the nurse was the one with the croaky voice, coughing all over the place. Ha!

It was too early to see the baby or hear the heartbeat, but the Dr. wanted to make sure the sac was in the right spot and to check for bleeding. All is well with that one. It was kind of hard being in that ultrasound room listening to only silence again. I knew it was too early for a heartbeat...but still.
He confirmed the due date to be my Birthday (with a huge grin on his face).
I have lost 5-6 pounds.
I am incredibly dehydrated and that is why they think I have such bad cramping.
The doctor is still worried about my high fever and the effect it may have had on the baby.
I go back in 10 days for another ultrasound to get the heartbeat and too see the little bean, as well as the usual other check-up stuff they do for your first pregnancy appointment.
Until then, I do feel a little better about the baby and I am going to drink as much water as possible. And if anything, my doctor has the full story, I have the correct medical advice, and he gave me his word that I can see him whenever I want to.
I am so grateful I got in today. What an answer to prayers.

Victory!

There is something to be said of the woman who gets herself into the OB for a same-day appointment with a very busy doctor, the day before he skips town for the next 10 days, when she is slammed with Swine Flu....the plague of all plagues in this moment of time, and having been denied by four previous nurses.

She has to be determined, scared spit-less for her baby, relentless, blunt, sick out of her mind, and a tad bit crazy.

In this ongoing battle of man vs. doctor (or nurse in my case), even the smallest victory is a victory.

I will stand tall and hold my head high. I will enter that office sicker than a dog, but I will walk proud. I have fought a grand fight. I have been wounded but not defeated. I entered this battle worn and weary. Sick and miserable. Bruised and torn. And I will walk out of it probably the same, and maybe worse, but I won.

I will pee in that cup, with a smug smile on my face. I will stand on that scale and look at the pounds I have lost, but I will be proud, because each pound has not left without a fight. I will let them take my blood with pride, it is the blood of a soldier. I will wear that blue gown with dignity...a battle uniform well earned. I will tell Dr. Weary about the war I have been through. I will get answers about my battle-wounds. I will demand armor for my army (my baby). I will recruit him to my side...the good side, the true side, the only side.

I FINALLY got through to the doctor this morning, and of course, he wants to see me immediately.

Victory is mine!

I am going to see Dr. Weary today at 11:45.
I will finish this post after the appointment. For now, it is back to bed, my whole stinkin' body hurts, but for this small moment in time, I am smiling for the first time in 6 days.

I am sick, hear me ROAR!

Warning: the longer I am sick, the grouchier I get. Sorry, read at your own risk. This is a 100% vent post that I will most likely get rid of, if I am awake a few hours from now, which is most likely not the case. I already want to go back to bed and it has only been 10 minutes.


Is is really possible to be feeling worse today? I can't believe my body could feel any worse, but somehow it does. I have NEVER felt so sick in my entire life.
It has been almost 5 days, and no improvement!
Every morning I wake up, something new hurts! It is amazing, but not really.
I can't get into the OB until my fever is under control and the coughing subsides. I told the nurse about the horrible cramping and she said, "oh yeah, that is not good. Not good at all, especially with your high fever and the baby forming all of its vital systems right now. Normally we would have you come right in. I am sure the Dr. would be very concerned. But with the Swine Flu and all...I guess this time we will just have to let Mother Nature run her course."
Who the heck says that to someone who lost a baby 4 months ago! "Let Mother Nature run her course!" Wow! Do you honestly think I want to go in there and share this illness. I will wear a mask and wait outside for Pete's sake. This is my baby we are talking about here! I know for a fact, that the Dr. would let me come see him, but the dang nurses won't leave him messages or let me talk to him. He has seen others with Swine Flu, so what makes me any different?

What is it with people thinking I am dumb enough to share this horrible bug! I got the same thing with mono. It really ticks me me off! Of course I would be careful. The next person that reminds me of the plague I am, and how I need to be careful (no matter the wording) is going to get a lashing! Why the heck do you think I have been inside for 5 straight days now, and will be for another week or so. Hello people, no matter what we all do, it is still spreading! Nevertheless, I am being as careful as possible. And we have plenty of sanitizing wipes and hand sanitizer around every corner.

What ever happened to the benefit outweighing the risks! Haven't I heard that 1 million times already. "Take the Tamiflu. It isn't proven that it won't harm the baby, but the benefit right now outweighs the risk." "Take ..... it is a class C, but the benefit outweighs the risk." "Go ahead and do ...., it isn't proven to be safe for pregnancy, but the benefit outweighs the risk." Geeze! This baby seems to have a lot of "benefit's outweighing the risk right now." I am pretty sure the benefit of saving a baby can outweigh the risk that some person will be within 50 feet of me, most likely not get sick or even come in contact with one germ of mine. It's not like I am going to cough all over them for crying out loud! I have a brain. It is my baby's brain I am worried about! Why blast all over the media about how scary it is for pregnant women to get Swine Flu and scare them to death, when if they do get it, you won't take care of them or the baby!
Few, ok, moving on.

The Dr. is out next week, so no appointment for 2 weeks. I cried over this one for a while. But I am not giving up. I am praying for a miracle. Ben and I will both be calling tomorrow and demanding to talk to the doctor and get me in the door. These cramps will not wait and neither will I, if I can help it.

I am not a big crier, but the faucet is on. I don't care who you are, or how tough you are, Swine Flu will make you cry. It truly is that miserable. And the tears are boiling hot, so it just makes it all the worse.

I am missing out on a baby shower of a good friend tonight. Actually, missing out of all sorts of stuff.

I am getting lonely and so dang homesick.

I just got out of bed (3:00pm), but feel like the living dead. Every square inch of my body kills! I am taking drugs and going back to bed as soon as I finish my "vent."

I've had better days. Much better days.

Swine Flu, Shmine Flu

Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.....right?



This is the wonderful test I got to have for Swine Flu...in both nostrils. They push the Q-tip up past your sinuses and wiggle it around. My nurse was kind enough to bend the q-tip for me so it wouldn't be as painful going around the nose cavity. I don't think it worked. They also tested me for strep right before this...two Q-tips down the throat as well. I may have just developed a Q-tip phobia. Rock on!

Let This Baby Be A Survivor.

Still VERY sick and miserable.
I have never felt like this in my life.
The fever is down to about 100 now, but I am still so worried about the baby.
Lots of painful cramping.
The doctor is getting me in as soon as it is somewhat safe. They will do an ultrasound and check the baby and everything surrounding it. They are worried as well. They are trying to get me in on Thursday.
I started the Tamiflu (the antibiotic for Swine Flu given to pregnant women and kids under age 2). It makes me really nauseated, but at least it is something.
Until then, I am staying in bed. I don't feel like doing anything else anyway.
And don't worry, I don't plan on spreading it. Of course, I would never do that if I could help it. I will stay out of every ones way for quite a while, especially my plethora of friends and family who are pregnant and/or expecting babies very soon. I pray that they and their babies will all be protected from this horrid virus.
I am also praying that none of my family members get this as well. I hope that the Lord will place them in an invisible protective bubble or something.


A big thanks to those wonderful souls who have brought and are bringing dinner. I know several others are sick with various illnesses as well, and I feel a little silly, but I have a great Relief Society President who happens to be my neighbor, and awesome visiting teachers who are very on the ball, and honestly, we really do need it. Sorry I didn't see you when you brought dinner over, and won't be seeing you, but just know that I am so grateful, and I know Ben is too. Also, a huge thanks to those who have been so kind to take our kids so Ben can get a few hours of work in. you are all lifesavers.
I always get terribly homesick when I feel so awful, and it means so much when people care, and we are lucky to be surrounded by people like that.
My mom ALWAYS gave me 7up, Popsicles and something warm and yummy to eat when I was sick as a child. My visiting teacher brought over those very things yesterday, along with some flowers and the best soup I have ever had. She had no idea that my mom always did that for me. It made my day and brought so much comfort. Thank you.

Torture

I can honestly say, even after all that happened this summer, that I have never been more sick in my life.
I am completely miserable.
My body is on fire, and then freezing. And everything aches so badly, I can't stand it!
Not to mention the painful cough and chest pressure that makes breathing not so fun.
Why do I have be conscious?
Just got back from the Dr. and I am being treated for Swine Flu.
I feel like the walking plague. Honestly,before this summer, I really was a very healthy person. I really was.
Pray for the baby.

Content

It has been a BEAUTIFUL Fall weekend here in good ol' Colorado Springs! Absolutely gorgeous.
As I drove around yesterday with the kids, getting Halloween decorations to add to my collection, I couldn't help but just smile and smile.
The temperature is crisp and perfect.
The sun it out.
The trees are fire red, bright orange, deep yellow. Stunning!
The Halloween Decorations are up. And one costume is completely done!
The Christmas lists are done. And my best friend is going to be with me on Black Friday!I LOVE planning Christmas. It is just as exciting for me as the actual day. I love planning things to give and to do that will make other people happy.
The plans are all made to be with family this year for Christmas! It is going to be so much fun.
I am not sick yet.
I am still so giddy about being pregnant. I fall asleep holding my stomach and feeling so complete. I feel like a first time mom with all of the excitement (and paranoia).
Ben and I got in an some awesome work-outs this week.
Ben is 1/2 way done with his Masters.
We have a great Fall schedule all set and running.
There are Oreos in the pantry and there is really great milk in the fridge.

It is a new season, a new time of life, and a new feeling of hope and excitement.

Life is good.

Complete

Almost four months ago, my full and happy heart was torn. My baby was taken from me too early (16 weeks along), and left a hole in my heart. Because of serious complications and an emergency D&C, I was not able to learn of the gender or see my baby. It was and has been, a rough time for us.
At first, the hole was ripping me apart. It was there, always reminding me that a piece of me and our family was missing....gone. I just felt so incomplete. As time has gone on, I have learned to live with it, or actually just not notice it as much.

I think one way the Lord allows us to heal after something like this, is by filling that hole with love, hope, tender mercies, and the gift of true friends who help
carry the hurt and lighten the load. At least until it is healed enough to be handled alone. These are all temporary fixes, but I was blessed to have them until I was able to handle the feeling on my own, and pretty soon, learn to live with how empty I felt. It just became a part of me.

I have found happiness again, and I have found joy. There are a lot more good days than bad, but nevertheless, there is a hole, always the hole. I had started to wonder if I would ever feel complete again, or would this hole just hang out forever.

Recently, while at a church meeting, I all of the sudden felt a tingling warm sensation of being complete. I searched around for the hole in my heart that always seems to ruin these moments. I waited for it to consume me, and I started thinking of an excuse to get up and leave so I could work through it privately. It never happened, the hole wasn't there. I felt all warm and fuzzy inside. I hadn't felt this complete and warm in months! I was clinging on to the feeling for dear life, knowing full well, that when the hole made itself known, it was going to be bad this time. Really bad. But, it never came. I was in shock.

There is only one thing that I knew could heal me this completely, and I was too scared for it not to be true. I could not handle it not to be true. Soon after I got home, I had a feeling to "take the test." Knowing what a negative would do to me, and has done to me, I decided against it. Why go through the agony and the days of pain afterwards. But the feeling never left me..so after a while, I obeyed.

Moments later, I sat there on the bathroom floor, crying tears of joy, holding a positive pregnancy test, and soaking in the feeling of being complete. The feeling I haven't felt in so long...too long. It was actually real. It was truly, honestly, actually, and completely real. Every fiber of my being knew it, but my mind just couldn't grasp it. I quickly snapped a picture of the two blue lines and sent it to Ben's phone. Good thing he didn't drive off the road. ;)

It didn't take long before it came, the all-consuming fear. I took three other tests in the next three days to force myself to believe that the baby was really there, and still alive. All three were positive, and even sharper and clearer than the previous one. This was REAL!

I am pregnant once more. I am complete again. I am whole! And I can't stop smiling...or crying (dang hormones).

Am I scared out of my mind and am I a paranoid mess?...yes.
Do I freak out over every little twinge or cramp?..yes.
Do I almost have a panic attack every time I go to the bathroom...oh yeah!
Am I terrified for all of the appointments where they will check for the heartbeat...you have no idea.
Will my first appointment be full of questions, more questions, double checking, triple checking, and lots of test...you bet. It isn't every day you are pregnant less than 4 months after losing 1/3 of your blood, less than 4 months after losing your baby in the second trimester,less than 2 months after being diagnosed with mono., and less than a week of having a horrible cold with a high fever (which is not good for pregnancy).
Paranoid...oh yeah.
Poor Doctor Weary. He is a good sport, and he understands more than most. After all, he was there. He knows.
Am I crazy for announcing this so early?...yes and no. I had planned on not telling anyone for a while, but then I realized something. The one thing that carried me through this summer, was the support of my friends and family and of course the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. How can people help you unless they know what is going on.
Of course, I know I could just as easily lose this baby, so why the heck wouldn't I tell anyone I am pregnant. The fear of losing this baby, should only make me want people to know I am pregnant, so if I need it, I will have support and I won't be suffering alone. If I have learned anything from this summer, I have learned that people can't help you with what they don't know. Not to mention... I just want to spread the happiness! My joy is overflowing! I am going nuts keeping it to myself.

So, to sum it all up...yes, when my mind gets carried away, aside from major excitement, happiness, and overwhelming feelings of gratitude, I can easily get full of paranoia, fear, and anxiety.



BUT

I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
I know who I am.
I know God's plan.
and, no matter what, I will follow it in Faith.

The Lord will carry me, come what may.

I know the Plan of Salvation, and I know that my family is forever and eternal.There is no "death do us part."

I have felt the comforting arms of my Savior wrapped around me, and I know He is real and that He loves me.

He knows my child and he will take care of everything.

No matter how much I worry and fret, I am not the one in charge. The one who is in charge knows best, and that gives me hope. I will only be given what will make me stronger.

He knows my fears and He is aware. He has spoken peace to my soul.

He will never leave my side.

I have been blessed with a wonderful husband who has walked the road right by my side. He has given me blessings of peace and hope. He is my eternal companion, and together, with the help of the Lord, we will make our family complete and whole.

Having a child; a whole, complete, pure child, is a miracle. A 100% miracle. I know that now more than ever.

Miracles have not ceased, and I could never deny that, not as long as I live. I have seen to much. I have faith, that this new miracle of mine is in the Lord's hands.

And the miracles in my life have not ceased.
I am due June 4th.
My Birthday.


Stay with me, my angel.

Re-energized.

Lately, I have really been trying to think of more things to do with the kids. The past few months have been survival mode, and I have been soooo tired. The poor kids took the brunt of it and watched WAY too much T.V. There was truly nothing I could do about it. My goal was to stay awake and keep the house from burning to the ground.

So, now that I am getting more energy back (WAHOO!!!) I am trying to find things to do. I have discovered that Mary absolutely loves crafts. This week we painted ponies, stamped up a storm, did make-overs, finger painted and painted our nails.
It is amazing what happens with some one-on-one time. She has so much fun and seems happier.

Same thing goes for Sam. I have learned all sorts of ways to play cars, trucks and trains this week. He soaks every second of it in.

Today, after church, Ben was gone for about an hour and I became a basketball hoop, a pony and a bounce house. By the time he got home, I was dead, but the kids were happy. I hope they don't think this will be an every day occurrence. I am just making up for lost time.

Now I am out of ideas! Yeah, I know, not so creative, am I. Any suggestions from anyone for this week? What do you moms do with your kids during down time? Any good craft ideas for kids? What about little boys? Any good museums around here..cheap ones? I am up for any and all suggestions.

Of course, I am not the energizer bunny, and the DVD player will still get good use (though not as much if I can help it), but for now, I am just happy to have some energy back, and I think my kids are too. I missed them.



Mary made this tonight out of the cards from here memory game. It is a picture of herself. It was so cute, so I had to take a picture. Can you see the arms, legs, and head? What a crack up!

Small Moments

Recently, I have been a little worried about Mary and Sam.
I have been wondering if they are really happy.
They have been fighting more than normal, and there has also been a lot more whining.
I have been wondering what I am doing wrong.
Do I not play with them enough? I try to, but I am not good at thinking of things to do with them.
Do they have enough attention?
Are they sick?
Are they sick of me being so tired?
Can they tune in to the days I am sad?
I am not being a good example to them?
Do we need to play at the park more? Should I play with them all the time when they are home? How much time should I have them just play on their own?
Do they need more discipline?
Do they need less discipline?
Do they need a different kind of discipline?

And on and on and on. It is probably the typical worries of every mother out there, but I really wonder what more I could be doing.

Today, Mary is playing at a friends house, so it is just me and Sam. I was just feeling guilty for checking my email instead of playing cars with Sam, when he came running up to me. He gave me a big hug and said, "I am happy mom."

Enough said.

1.5% Milk

So, a few weeks ago a guy showed up at our door offering to let us sample some milk. We are major milk lovers in our home, so we said "why not." We instantly fell in love.

The milk is very natural and incredibly fresh, and it is milked within 48 hours of delivery. Yup, you heard that right, delivery.

One thing that drives me nuts is carrying the milk into the house after buying it. I think it stems from the California days when I had Mary, Sam in a carseat, and all of the groceries to carry up three long flights of stairs, through three heavy doors (I would have to put everything down, open the door, prop it open with my foot, get the groceries through, pick everything up again and then let the door slam behind me) and down two hallways.

I would strap as many grocery bags as I could onto my arms, pick up Sam in the carseat, tell Mary to follow, lock the car (this is California, and I had my wallet stolen from that same parking lot in a split second) and then march up stair after stair after stair, go through all of the doors, and down two creepy hallways. It was horrible, and carrying the milk up the stairs was always the hardest part.

I would get to the door, drop everything, except for Sam, scramble to find the car keys, unlock the door, bring the groceries in, get the kids in a safe spot, lock them in the appartment, sprint down the stairs, unlock the car, grab another load of groceries, lock the car, hurry up the stairs worrying about the kids, unlock the door, throw the groceries down and lock the door.

I usually had to make a few trips, and at least once every trip a bag would break and everything would fall down the stairs. Boo!

I remember a specific time that I was marching up the stairs and on each step I would think about how wonderful it would be when we had a home, and a garage so I could drive right up to the door. I vowed that I would never take it for granted. And I don't. I think about it every time I bring groceries into the house, and I smile that I am so spoiled now.

So, now we have milk DELIVERED right to our doorstep every Friday morning. Mary loves to bring it in, so I don't even have to make the tiny trip from the door to the fridge. My, how times have changed for me. I LOVE IT! I used to be a milk delivery person, so I understand the sacrifice. My hours were 3:30am-7:00am. I think our milk person has the same hours. That person is a saint!

The best part of all is that the milk is 1.5%. Not too watery, but not too thick. It is cool, creamy, smooth, healthy, fresh, perfection.

Royal Crest 1.5% Milk...it does a body good.

love, Love, LOVE IT!!!

The past few days have been a little bit of a "woe is me day." Not full blown down in the dumps or anything, I have been just a little heavy in my heart. I think it is just the upcoming due date and of course, major baby mode happening all around me. 7 friends and several family members. Of course, I am happy for all if my beautiful pregnant friends and family members, and I love watching them be happy, it is just rough at times.

I am dealing with things in chunks. So much happened so quickly, and I didn't completely have the physical ability to deal with it all right away, therefore, I am finding that things come in chunks. I am healing up in some ways, and in other ways, I am still kind of raw. For example, it really sunk in today that I lost the baby on my Birthday! I finally grasped how crazy and almost unfair that was. It literally brought me to tears. I just haven't really let that part sink in yet. I have written about it, and talked about it, but I am good at telling things and writing things while not totally feeling them. Kind of silly huh. Is was just one of many Birthdays. I guess it just finally hit me, and it made me feel bad. Probably pretty immature. But at least, I finally let it sink in and dealt with it. One less thing to creep up later and bite me in the bum. Birthday...done.

Yesterday, I was missing my baby and was feeling like I was missing out on the excitement of having a big belly, feeling the baby move, having a baby shower, having Dr. appts. closer together, and getting excited for the due date that is actually coming up here pretty quickly. I was focusing on the "what could have been," and feeling really empty and alone. It kind of hit me lately that I won't be joining in all the baby celebration going on around me. I guess it is hard, because I was pregnant, and I would have been right where everyone else is right now. Kind of feels like the lone ranger, ya know. I kind of forgot to expect that and prepare for it, so I get to deal with it now. Another chunk. I am trying to plan something to do on Nov. 15th (the due date), it might be a little rough. I want to be prepared for that one. So, obviously, I have had a little bit if a heavy heart lately. Nothing horrible or life altering, just a hard moment here and there.

And then...this happened!




The fuzzy slippers came out.


The warm blankets came out.


The warm, yummy, heart-warming pumpkin bread with cream cheese frosting was made.


The house was scrubbed spotless and the Fall Decorations came out of the boxes. The house is totally decked out in "all things Fall" and the apple cinnamon smells are in place. The house is warm, cute and cozy.



The snow came!




And life suddenly got all better again.

Who, What, Where, When, Why, How??????

You know the saying, "the older I get, the smarter I was." That seems to be ringing true for me lately. The more questions my kids ask, the dumber I feel. And belive me, it has been NON STOP questions. This has been going on for about two weeks now, and I don't see it letting up any time soon. Mary is in this phase of needing to know everything. I try to hard not to get really annoyed and say "BECAUSE," but geeze, she can ask some hard ones.



For example, here is our conversation in the car on the way to the gym. I no longer get to listen to the radio, I gave up. It seems like the car is the place that gets Mary's mind churning, and the questions spill out of her so fast, there isn't a chance to do anything else.

Mary: What kind of rock is this?
Me: It is a lava rock.

Mary: What is lava?
Me: When a volcano errupts, the fire that comes out of it is called lava.

Mary: What does errupts mean?
Me: It means it shoots out of the volcano.

Mary: Well, that doesn't explain my rock mom.
Me: When the lava dries, it turnes into rock, like the one you have.

Mary: So, are there volcanoes around here.
Me: uuuhhhh

Mary: Is that what killed the dinosaurs?
Me: hhhmmm, well....

Mary: Are there dinosaur bones here?
Me: I think so.

Mary: Why are they under the ground? Didn't the dinosaurs live on top of the ground?
Me: The dinosaurs die on top of the ground, but after a lot of rain and mud and stuff, they get buried.

Mary: Where does the dinosaurs skin go?
Me: uuuhhh, well...

Mary: How do we know where to find the dinosaur bones?
Me: uuuhhhh

Mary: Oh, I know. They have these things that look like vacuums with screams (screens) on them. They tell where the bones are, right?
Me: Sure.




At this point, she is quietly looking at her rock, I immediately turn on the radio to listen to a great song.

Mary: Hey mom, why is that lamp not working?
Me: (turning off the radio..dang) What lamp?

Mary: That one on the side of the road. All of the other ones work, why doesn't that one?
Me: The lightbulb must have burned out.

Mary: How do you fix it?
Me: uuuhhh

Mary: Is it a big lightbulb?
Me: I'm sure it is.

Mary: So, how do they fix it?
Me: They drive a truck up to it and then pull the ladder out. They climb up the ladder and change the lightbulb.

Mary: Won't they get hit by cars?
Me: No, they have lights so we can see them.

Mary: Why are there lamps all along the road?
Me: So we can see the road at night.

Mary: But I thought we had lights on the car to see the road with.
Me: Well, the lamps give us more light.

Mary:oh.

We finally get to the gym.

Mary: Mom, why do you go on the treadmill?

and on and on and on and on.



This happens ALL day long. It is crazy.
Sam has joined in as well, but he is totally into body stuff right now. He wants to know about poop and the toilet and names of body parts. Between the two of them, I am feeling dumber as the days go on. Seriously, it is amazing how much I don't know.



I guess I should enjoy this phase where my kids think I know everything and that Ben is Superman. It won't last forever. Soon they will realize how dumb we really are. And then of course, they get married and have kids, and we become brilliant all over again!

We Did It!

Ben and I decided a few weeks ago that we really wanted to hike Pikes Peak again this year. Taking his knee injury and my mono into account, we decided that we were both well enough on the mend and we got everything ready to go. Ben's knee held out wonderfuly, no pain, and my mono was just the same as it always is, annoying, but do-able.

Man are we glad we did it! It was awesome! We did it faster than we did last year, so we were pretty pumped. We only sat down to rest three times during the entire 13 mile trek ( gaining 7300ft in that distance) up the mountain. We are pretty proud of ourselves. We just kept on trekking and got in a groove.




It was VERY cold this time, but we saw it coming and prepared well, so we were fine. On top, it was 25 degrees when we got there. The fog rolling in and out made for some really cool scenery. It snowed about an hour after we summited. We made it up just in time.





We even tried the famous Pikes Peak doughnuts. The elevation is so high up there, that there is only one recipe that works for doughnuts. They were o.k., but kind of weird. It was fun to try them though.



The road was closed to to bad weather at one point during the hike, and we were pretty worried about not finding a ride home. I guess we could have hiked down, but the storm didn't look very inviting. The road was opened back up by the time we finished and we found this great couple to give us a lift down. Cowboy Stan and his wife..can't remember her name. They were pretty classic. We seem to find some fun folks to get rides with down the peak.

Here are some pictures of the ride home.




We came home to happy kids, warm showers, and chowed some homemade pizza. It was a great day!

We are pretty sore today, but we are researching and planning on hiking another 14er here in the next few weeks. Wish us luck!

Locked Out, Checked Out, Put Out

How to successfully get yourself into a big pickle.

First. Shut and lock all windows in the house. Tug on them to make sure all is secure.

Second. Make sure all doors are locked nice and tight.

Third. Grab the wrong set of keys (the ones without a house key on them) and take a nice fun walk with the kids. Make sure to make the walk long, so they will be starving, hot and worn out when you get home.

Fourth. Go get the mail, because at least you have THAT key on you.

Fifth. Walk up to the front door and pull out the key chain.

Sixth. Stare at the keychain in horror as you realize you don't have the house key. Then proceed to try to unlock the door with all of the other keys on the keychain, just because. Say "Rats!" as loud as you can.

Seventh. Close your eyes and force yourself to walk around the house through the lawn that had a snake in it a few days ago. Walk around the house and try to open all windows and doors in vain. Say "aarrrggghh" as loud as you can.

Eighth. Listen as kids begin to cry that they are hungry, tired, hot and thirsty. Notice that you feel the same. Look at neighbors homes and notice no one is home.

Ninth. Call your husband even though you know this is the one day he will be in Denver all day training. Call doesn't work, try texting.

Tenth. Call a locksmith who will not give you a price, so you hang up on him.

Eleventh. Your husband calls you and says to hang on while he tries to find a way to get home.

12th. Unlock the one car that doesn't have a garage opener in it, and let the kids play in it. Find a garage door opener in it and get really excited. Then get sad again as you realize it is the garage door opener to your parents home in Pocatello, Idaho. Wonder why the heck that is in the car. Sit on the porch and pout for a while. Wait for the husband to call back for the next 25 minutes.

13th. Listen to kids get really tired, really hot, really thirsty and really hungry. Mary has to pee. Take Mary to the backyard, tell her she is camping and have her pee in a bush. Nasty! Call husband. No answer. Call the locksmith. There will be no waiting for an hour for the husband to get home, if he can even come home.

14th. Husband calls and tells you to call the locksmith. Already done. Locksmith is on his way.

15th. 30min later a minivan pulls up. Watch as tall guy smelling like smoke walks up to you. Notice that his hair is in a bun! What? Who does that? Then again, I have a mullet.

16th. Notice the guy look you up and down. Tell the guy that your husband is on his way any second and that the neighbors are on their way over as well. Good one. Pick up the kids and walk to the front door.

17th. Watch as they guy opens your door in 10 seconds and then looks in the house. Force a smile as the guy tells you your house "smells good." ????? You don't buy it.

18th. Take the paper the man hands you. $125!!!! Almost choke. Get really mad. Turn around to hand the guy your credit card and notice that his camera phone is facing you. Watch as the guy hurries to put the phone to his ear and pretend to talk to someone. Frown as you give the guy your card. Try not to think that your rear end might now be in his phone.

19th. Wonder what the heck is going on when they guy really does call someone a while later and gives them ALL of your credit card info. Turn to pick up a kid and turn back around to see the guy taking a picture of your house with the phone. ??????

20th. Say goodbye to the guy, slam the door, lock it, lock it again, double check the lock and watch the guy drive away. Make sure he is all the way gone.

21st. Get kids lunch and water. Call husband. Tell husband story.

22nd. Husband calls company right away, while you wait to hear what happens. Good husband.

23rd. Wait for the verdict.

Still waiting.

Labor-Free Day Weekend

We planned on going camping for Labor Day weekend, but well, we just didn't feel like it. So, we had one of those, do-whatever-the-heck-we-feel-like-doing weekends, and it was great! No labor for us!

On Friday we went to Denver to see my cousin. They just had a baby two weeks ago. Their second girl. It was good to see them and their gorgeous baby with tons of hair! After that, we went to "A Tast Of Colorado." It was a festival type thingy downtown Denver. There were tons of booths, rides, food booths, music, ect. It was pretty fun and it was cool to be downtown Denver at night with the music and the buildings all lit up. It felt like something out of a movie.

Sunday was our usual Sunday, with the added excitement that Monday was going to be another day off!

Monday, we slept in (aahhhh), got some chores done and then decided to check out Mr. Biggs. It is a great place for kids about 10 and under. The go-carts were by far the best part. It was ice cream afterwards and then a movie at home.

All, in all, we had a wonderful Labor-free weekend. It was just what the Dr. ordered. If only every weekend could be that great.

We {Heart} Fall

First of all, I know it is 80+ degrees outside and the leaves are still hanging nice and green on the trees, (and it will be like this for a few more weeks) but man oh man, are we exicted for fall.
September marks the beginning of Fall for us, and we are so anxious and ready for a new season. We LOVE the excitement of school getting back into swing, sports seasons starting up, the crisp cool air, the anticipation of all of the great holidays and of course pumpkins, orange and brown, apple cinnamon candles, pumpkin patches, and pumpkin pie.
Within the next few weeks, it will be all things Fall in our house and we are more than ready. Not that summer isn't fun, but here in our home, we are ready to say goodbye to this summer. We are ready to move on, to look forward, and to embrace a new season in our lives. We need a reason to start over and start fresh, Fall is the perfect reason for us. We love Fall!
Mary just began preschool this week and she is so excited. We are trying a co-op this time around with 5 other families. It is very organized and ready to go. It should be great...and cheap. ;) With so much school excitment in the air, we embraced it as well. I got Mary some adorable new "hip" school clothes, we set her backpack and clothes out the night before, and we took pictures. So fun!



More cell phone pictures. I was too lazy to run upstairs for the camera. This is Mary's first day of preschool this year. We were able to walk there, so nice! Sam had to have his backpack on too. It was pretty cute. Obviously the sun was in their eyes. oops!

She will also begin Hot Shots in gymnastics next week. It will be twice a week for 1 1/2 hours. It is the beginning of her training to take it further. This is the class where the hard core starts and the kicks and giggles (well not all giggles) are left aside. Yeah, I know, she is only four, but she loves it. She will spend 1/2 an hour just on conditioning. Good thing she loves the sport so much! She is so excited she is bursting. And I have to admit, it is really fun to watch.
With Mary in school and gymnastics, I am making up a fun little schedule for Sam and I when we have time alone. He will have his own little school here with me. He is such a little buddy anyway, we will have a good time.
Ben is purchasing his ski pass this week as well. He has the ski bug so badly he can hardly stand it. Yet another step into the new seasons.
I think my favorite part about this time of year is that our schedule fills up again. We have had a pretty empty schedule this summer, which has turned out to be a blessing, but I am ready to be done sitting at home having too much time to think. The kids are also very ready for some action. We will be plenty busy with school, sports, holidays, and Birthdays for the next little while. I am so glad!
I am already planning on how to decorate the house to look more "Fall Like." I just finished organizing the basement and going through all the boxes. It was so fun to go through my collection of Holiday decorations. It is growing! I can't wait to add to it. Of course, I will probably change the blog background again pretty soon, to look more Fall like. Pathetic, I know. It sure is fun though. There are some really cute ones out there.
Bring on the new season. Bring on a new era. Bring on the cool crisp air. Bring on the change. Bring on the Fun. Bring on Fall!!!!