everyone poops at costco

This week was spring break, but the weather didn't get the memo.  It was windy and freezing cold all week!

 

For shame!

 

I did my best to keep the kids happily entertained with a mix of chores in the morning, and playing in the afternoon, visits to Quench It, or to get ice cream cones, and some movie nights with friends in the evenings.

 

I think it worked out pretty well.

 

The only issue was that I absolutely had to get to Costco, and that meant taking all 5 kids with me. 

 

Costco is located about 35 minutes away, down the canyon, so it is actually kind of a trip for us to go there.

 

Us Heber folk, don't really see much of the retail side of things anymore, so my kids are now completely convinced that a trip to Costco is equally as exciting as a trip to the zoo or a museum. 

 

Hey, with the allure of the best pizza and hot dogs on earth, mounds of gelato, massive quantities of food to feed my bottomless pit children, free samples, and huge shopping carts that everyone can fit in, what is there not to love!

 

We got all packed (yes, we have to pack for this outing) and ready to go, and we all headed down the canyon.

 

The trip was smooth sailing.  Molly actually was happy in her car seat, so when we arrived at Costco, we were all ready to shop it up.

 

5 minutes into our wonderful Costco adventure, we all smelled THE SMELL.  As soon as I grimaced, all of the kids held their noses and pointed to Molly, who was happily smiling back in all of her ignorant, poopy, baby bliss.

 

Molly had decided to blow it up, right there in isle 3.

 

And by blow it up, I mean blow. it. up.

 

I rushed her to the bathroom, leaving my 3 boys outside the door screaming that they were going to get kidnapped, and I checked out the damage.

 

Poop was down both legs, in between her toes, flowing out her shirt up her neck, and amazingly, in her hair as well.  How do they do that!?!?  Seriously.

 

Peeling a poop filled onsie off a baby, is the most ungraceful thing a person can do.  I ended up smothering it all over any part of her body that wasn't previously covered in feces.  It was just grand.

 

To top it off, guess who didn't refill the wipes.

 

Yup, yours truly.  Mother of the year, right here.

 

And yes, Costco has "upgraded" to hand drying machines only, so no paper towels.

Save the trees, kill any hope of a somewhat sanitary way to clean a poopy baby.

 

So, with the help of Mary getting toilet paper wet for me, and Molly serenading us with her screams of protest, and the boys letting me know every 5 minutes that they weren't kidnapped yet, I gave Molly the worst sponge bath in the history of blow outs ever.

 

Oh, and in all of my packing for this trip, I forgot back up clothes for Molly.

 

Yeah, I know, what DID I actually pack.  I seriously don't know.

 

So, Molly got to sport the chubby naked baby in a diaper look as I frantically tried to find some clothes to buy her.

 

 

Like I said, we love the samples

We call her grabby...this is why.

As I was finding clothes for Molly, Luke had decided to hide in isle 4, and take a nice dump himself.  He then froze in place, because it was too "yucky" for him to walk in it.

I found my frozen, poopy boy in isle 4, and wanted to bang my head into the wall.  Lucky for us, Luke had a stomach ache, and his poop decided to "flood the gates." 

Anyone else sick yet???

So, it was back to the bathroom, for a sponge bath with cold toilet paper and a screaming baby.  Yes!

Finally, I got Luke cleaned, washed his pants in the sink with soap, and used the nifty hand driers to dry them off, and we were on our way!

Until in isle 6, William mistakenly thought he "just had gas" and ended up soiling himself too!!!  William is not in diapers, so this posed a big problem.

Seriously...does everyone poop at Costco!

William HATES being dirty in any way, shape, or form.  So, he decided to just take his shorts off right there.  Did I mention that William does not, or I should say refuses to, wear underwear.

Yup, we gave quite the show there in Isle 6.

I battled William to no end, and finally got him to wear his shorts, at least to the bathroom, where our 3rd sponge bath and sink clothes cleaning ensued.

By this point, I was literally sweating, and grabbing copious amounts of energy drink samples from the kind lady who was witnessing the Maynard poop show. 

Once we finally got back to our shopping, I just glanced a knowing look at Mary.  She held both hands up in protest and said, "I promise I won't poop my pants mom, can we just go get ice cream now?"

Music to my ears Mary, music to my ears.