keep your eye on the prize

Remember my blog post yesterday?  The one where I was so happy to finally have an appointment that was normal, without any complications or worry.  Yeah, those few hours of innocent bliss were nice, but unfortunately, short lived.

After the blood glucose test, I continued to feel worse and worse as the day went on.  I was nauseous, really weak, sweating, light headed, extremely irritable and down, and felt like sleeping for 10 years.

I wasn't too surprised when my OB called.  They got the results from the glucose test back, and my numbers were extremely high.  I am talking, really, really high.

She diagnosed me with pretty severe gestational diabetes right on the spot, and told me to call a dietitian immediately to start a diabetic diet plan, get some devices to begin testing my blood sugar 6 times a day, get things regulated as soon as possible, and to set up a plan for the rest of this pregnancy.

Oh joy. 

Funny how the Lord works.  Last week, as I was praying for our baby and this pregnancy, I had a very strong prompting to look in gestational diabetes.  I was borderline with it during Sam's pregnancy, and although I wasn't tested for it with Williams pregnancy, they think that his 91/2 pounds at birth may have been a result of the same thing.

So, the next morning, I consulted Dr. Google.  I looked at the signs and symptoms of gestational diabetes, and I was astounded that I could relate to every single symptom.

After I saw this, I called my OB and asked her if she would check my glucose levels at my next appointment (which was yesterday).  She told me that it was a month earlier than they would normally check that, and that I fit absolutely NONE of the criteria to have gestational diabetes, but since I was concerned, they would go ahead with it.

When she called yesterday to tell me how high my numbers are, and how severe this is with me, she mentioned that we may have just saved some permanent damage that could have happened to our little girl (her heart, pancreas, and her own chances of being born diabetic), had I waited even just one more month.  My numbers were that bad.

Yes, I am discouraged.  Yes, I have cried.  Not because I am afraid of having this (there are so many worse things out there), more because I am just frustrated.  It is just one more complication of this pregnancy to worry about.  I knew this pregnancy would not be "normal."  I was told that in a blessing from Ben early on, but I didn't realize that it wouldn't be just one bad thing to worry about, it would be several things, that would come and go, and constantly test our faith, patience, and trust in the Lord.

But, I also can't help but feel so blessed.  The Lord has once again, intervened in this pregnancy to help me, and my doctor catch something in time, before any permanent damage could happen to our little girl.  This has happened numerous times in the past 22 weeks, and a few times, has literally saved the life of our baby.  Even though things continue to pop up, each thing has been overcome and dealt with, through the grace of God.  I am so grateful for personal revelation, inspiration, a good doctor, and tender mercies.

Even though there will be some big changes for me, and this is something that will require a lot of checking, monitoring, doctor appointments, finger poking, feeling like crap, and constantly balancing and working on, I am willing to go through this.  It is not fun, and will not be fun, but I will do it. After all, I have a good chance of this only lasting 18 weeks, until the baby is born.   I can do almost anything for 18 weeks, especially if it means protecting my baby.

The more I can keep my blood levels normal, the more chances we have of it not effecting our baby.  I will hold on to that hope.  There are definitely some big risks to her, if my blood levels don't stay controlled, but for now, she is fine.

Once it is under control, the only big concern will be that our "little" girl, could be a "big" girl at birth.  But, now her size will be monitored closely toward the end of the pregnancy, and if she is getting too big, I will deliver her a little early.

Fine with me.  The sooner I hold this baby in my arms, and know all is well, and that we made it, the better!  Chubby babies are my favorite anyway.