death by nausea..or so it seems

I am right in the thick of nausea.  I think it has peaked, and will now maintain for, probably, another month or so.  It has lasted longer, and been worse,  with each pregnancy for me, but we won't go there right now.


I am not one that enjoys being pregnant.  I am EXREMELY grateful, especially after 3 miscarriages.  I don't take it for granted, and I love the end result, my precious babies.  But I don't like pregnancy, never have.   The main reason...horrible, terrible, never ending, bad tasting, gut wrenching, head spinning, mind depressing, nausea.

 I keep telling myself this is the last time.  Last pregnancy. It helps to know that each day done, is one less day I ever have to feel like this again.

I also keep picturing my baby growing in there, and it helps.

But honestly, no matter what mental games I play, no matter how many times I check the calendar and think, "by this date I won't be sick", or "by Ben's Birthday it should be ending soon" or "by Thanksgiving this should be all over", and so on, it doesn't really help for more than a minute.

No matter what I do, the nausea is still here, and completely and totally miserable.  I hate it like the plague and would only wish this on rapists and sick, bad, people.

When I get to heaven, you better believe I will be asking, "why nausea?"

I will take the weight gain, the heartburn, the huge belly, the sleepless nights, the peeing every 10 minutes, the labor pains, the ugly stretch marks, the fat face, the blotchy face, and the swollen feet, the absolutely crazy cravings (um yes, I ate 4 cheeseburgers this week!), and even the post baby delivery pains.  It sucks, but I will accept that.

But nausea...come on!  Really!  Some women don't even have it, and their babies are just fine.  If it isn't necessary, why does it exist at all!  What did I do to deserve this?

I hate it!  I hate it!  I hate it!

OK...the end.