so this is what it is like

to have a day off of hormones.

Between the hormone pills I take  one week out of the month.  The hormone drop I have the week after the pills.  And then good ol' PMS for another week.  I have about one week of the month right now where I feel like my normal self.  Heaven help us all.

Can I just tell you that as soon as we can bring our last sweet spirit into this home, I am going to get sliced and diced, and get it all out.  Ah yeah!  That's right. Majority of it is in the process of dying anyway.  Might as well put us all out of our misery.

Anywhoo,
   Today, I felt normal, and I relished in it!  It was a wonderful day.  I also think that my new goal to try to slow down and soak it all in a little more, is beginning to help in small amounts.  Baby steps people, baby steps.
Life isn't perfect, and never will be, but I know that with the right outlook, it can be much better than I have been making it lately. 

Today, as the chaos to get ready for church unfolded, I tried so hard to just let it flow.  Being late is a HUGE pet peeve of mine.  Oh, I really hate it.  But lets get real, I have four children.  That is a lot of shoes, pants, shirts, dresses, hair to comb, hair to curl, teeth to brush, snacks to get ready, and bodies to shove out the door.  And, we really do always get there on time.  I may just not be in the best state of mind by that point.  I am all calmed down and back to normal right about the time church ends.  Nice.

So today, as I called out my usual, "Five minutes everyone," I really tried to just take deep breaths as (with every week) all of the sudden shoes could not be found, someone was dying of hunger, Luke pooped, and William's nicely combed hair now looked like a giant fuzzball of white puffiness. 

I met each need with as much "calm" as I could, and tried to laugh at the irony of it all.  10 minutes later, when we all got in the car, William's hair a poofball again, Sam's shoes in his lap, and Ben putting his contacts in, I just took time to look at each person. I saw how cute William's poofy hair was, and how his crazy untamable hair matched his fun loving personality.  I saw how Sam tried so hard to tie his shoes and was still trying with his little tongue out in concentration and his gorgeous, big blue eyes squinting with determination.  Mary rummaging through her scripture case to find her bright red chapstick,  sweet little Luke, chirping away in his happy innocent world, and smiling when I catch his eye, and Ben running late from taking the time to shave, just because he knew I liked a smooth face.

I actually smiled as we drove away. We arrived to church happy, all of us.

I took time to paint fingernails with Mary after church.  We ended up painting a finger or two of Sam's and William's as well, and then laughed our heads off as William tried over and over and over again to wash it off with water. 

I baked cookies with all of the kids.  I let them crack the eggs, pour the flower, and even turn on the mixer.  The look on their faces as the mixer turned all of  the "goop" into cookie dough was priceless.  William even hollered out of pure bliss and surprise, and then laughed and laughed.  And then we all ate handfuls of the sticky goodness.  Life's too short to bake the cookies anyway.  Especially when the dough is so good!

Mary and I made a wreath for the front door, and I loved how she didn't stop until the project was done, even when I told her to go play for a while.  She was so like me in the moment, and I loved that she loved it.

I painted the door that leads to the garage an adorable, soft, happy yellow,  just because I felt like it, and then Ben and I talked with friends out on their porch as the door dried, the sun slowly set and the kids played in the fresh evening air.

The day was simple, hot and busy.  But the day was so good!  It is amazing what the mind can do.  It is so incredibly hard for my busy, fast paced, type A, schedule and list oriented person, to slow down and soak it in, but the more I try, the more I see.  I really see, that my life is beautiful.  My family is beautiful.  The crazy small moments that I have let myself resent or get upset over, are the moments that really make life, well life.  And really, with some laughter, or a moment to love instead of fix, those little moments can make a big impact for better or for worse. Oh, and a week without raging hormones isn't so bad either.  ;)