curve ball

Life is interesting.   I love the quote that says, "the only constant in life is change."  So true.  You would think that in my 30 ....almost 31 years here on earth, I wouldn't be shocked by things anymore.  Just when I get to that point, in comes a curve ball.

This curve ball is a big one, but as with everything else, faith, prayers and a lot of hope will pull us through.

As mentioned in an earlier post, my body has been going nuts lately.  I went in to a doctor on Friday, where they did some blood work.

The nurse called me Tuesday and informed me that my estrogen levels are extremely low.  She left it at that.  Yeah...nice.

So, I called almost 8 doctors to try to schedule an appointment for a second opinion.  It was interesting to me how I would call a doctor, set and appointment, and then not feel good about it.  I ended up making and breaking numerous appointments.

Finally, I stumbled across a doctor, and something in my heart told me that I needed to see him.  I called to set up the appointment, and he was booked solid for the next 2 months.  While I was on the phone, someone called into their office and cancelled their appointment for the next day.  Amazing!
So, I went to see this doctor yesterday morning.

From my last post about a week ago, up until today, my symptoms have only gotten worse and more weird.  I have felt and known in my heart that something is really not right.

This particular doctor was fantastic!  The minute he walked in the room, I felt calm and knew that I was in the right hands.

He went over my blood work and confirmed that my estrogen was really low.  He also confirmed that my ovaries are failing. 

The term is pre-mature menopause.  And it is the real deal.  He did a physical exam, and it only confirmed everything.

I am going through menopause, about 20 years too early.  Yes, this means that our last child we had planned on bringing into our family pretty soon here, is not going happen.  My odds are slim to none, even with some crazy expensive hormone treatments. 

Aside from that, there is the big question...what is causing this.  My blood work also showed signs of something else happening to me.

The doctor was vague, in order not to scare me, but he was forward enough to tell me that a lot of the causes for this ovary failure are not good.  Really not good.  Bad enough that he told me I may need to bring Ben to the next appointment so we can "sit down and have a talk."

I had more blood work done yesterday, and in a few weeks, they will be doing more.

Best case scenario, my first thyroid test was wrong (they are doing another more detailed one), and it really is my thyroid causing all of this.  Nothing will fix the menopause/ovary failure...that is permanent, but at least the cause would be something that can be fixed easily.  It would really stink to have a thyroid issue, but at least I can take a pill for a faulty thyroid and be done with it.

Another best case...mother nature just went against me.  It is VERY rare for someone my age, who is healthy and active,  to just all of the sudden have their ovaries fail them though.  This is really not very likely, but I am hoping for this.

Worst case...  For some reason, the blood tests show that my antibodies are attacking my body....or so the doctor thinks at this point.  That could be related a bunch of scary things that I am trying not to freak out over yet, but should also be preparing myself for.

In the main time, the are doing a lot of blood tests to try to figure out what is going on and why my ovaries are shutting down.

Needless to say, I have had a lot to take in that past 24 hours.  It hasn't been easy.  It's been a rough day and may be rough for a while.

 With the kids needing constant attention, a house to keep up, my new job to do, and all of the other stuff my life entails, I haven't really had a chance to deal with it yet.  I am kind of numb at the moment.

At some point I need to deal with the fact that we may not be able to bring that precious spirit that has so urgently been begging me to bring it here, down to earth in the way we had planned.  However, I do believe in miracles.

I need to prepare myself for the worst case scenario, but hope for the best.

I need to cherish and love my husband and the 4 beautiful children that I have and count my blessings.

I need to deal with the hair loss, extreme fatigue, weight gain and loss, mood swings, hot flashes, heart palpation's, aches and pains, and wacky Aunt Flows for, what could be months to come, as my ovaries continue to shut down.

Most of all,  I need a quiet moment to plead with my father above to be by my side and help me climb this new mountain, come what may.

What a curve ball we have here. 
I can do hard things.