"The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused." Shirley Maclaine
I read this, and well, I had to laugh. I have had some "amusing" moments the past few days, well ok, my life is full of them, but recently I have had a few of them, and I guess since they are now over, I can laugh...at least a little.
First moment is this.
Story: I had just busted out a graceful six mile run, followed by 20 minutes on the elliptical. I was feeling great and full of endorphins. Ben's mom had the kids, so Ben and I were going to go out to lunch and enjoy an afternoon kid free. As I was walking out of the gym with Ben, I SLAMMED my leg into a tree trunk.
Yup, you read right, a stinkin' tree trunk in our gym. BOO! There is a rock climbing section by the entrance, and they have a couch there, with a nice, shin high, rock hard, pointed edged, heavy as sin, block of tree stump, that they use for a magazine table. So not cool.
I had walked directly into it, full momentum, right into my shin. It absolutely leveled me. I am talking slamming my fist onto the couch, gritting my teeth, taking short breaths kind of pain. It was horrible! And it only seemed to hurt worse as the seconds drug on. I even debated crying. Pain was shooting up and down my leg with no mercy.
It took a long time before I could put any weight on it, and hobble out of the gym. Dang tree stump! That thing needs to be turned into the very paper it was holding. Shame on it, and everyone who ever thought to put it there.
My leg throbbed all day and all night, and finally started to feel better on Saturday.
Reason to laugh: I walked into a tree stump at the gym. Enough said.
Moment #2
I have no pictures for this one, because it wasn't really a moment, more like a day. The day just happened to be Easter Sunday. Yesterday. Allow me..
Story: Easter morning started out all kicks and giggles with the egg hunt and happy, excited kids. It was a fun morning.
And then Ben had to go to the townhome to clean it before our inspection later that day.
Ben left, and William bawled and bawled and bawled for his daddy. While I was helping him, Luke snuck into an easter basked and had a mouth full of chokable (is that even a word?) chocolate candy. So, as I was cleaning Luke up, William decided to poop on the toiled (which I was THRILLED about) and then he wiped himself with is fingers (not so thrilled about).
William hates having dirty hands, so he wiped his fingers all over our brand new, freshly painted walls. Upstairs AND down.
So, I began scrubbing walls, while Luke was wailing because he was hungry. Mary and Sam were fighting over some trampoline game.
After cleaning the walls, I began feeding Luke, who swatted the food, and it flew all over him, me and the floor.
As I was scrubbing that mess, I glanced over at William, who was sitting on our couches, with poop all over his bum. Rock on.
I told him to get off the couch, and he SLID down the cushion to get off the couch and then plopped down on the new carpet.
I set a screaming Luke down, and began to scrub the couch and carpets. Mary and Sam were now asking for food.
At this point I threw everyone in the tub. After the bath, I got Luke fed and asleep, and was finally thinking calm was coming. WRONG!
Sam had a talk to prepare for that very day, and the kids wanted breakfast. So, I proceeded to do both of the above. Two bowls of cereal were spilled, and William ate three separate breakfasts. I then started getting everyone dressed in their new Easter clothes for pictures. Getting four children dressed in their Sunday best is a huge undertaking for any one parent, but especially when one child hates Sunday clothes, and the other is a hungry baby. Shoes, pants, clothes, combs, hairspray, and shirts were everywhere!
William tore off his clothes the second I put them on, Sam ran out into the dirt with his new clothes, and Mary wanted to "accessorize" above and beyond. Luke was also awake at this time.
I wrestled Williams clothes back on him, let the kids gorge on sugar and candy as bribery, and did a very exhausting but somehow somewhat successful photo shoot of the kids.
After the picture, I had to get myself ready. While I was getting ready, William ran into our room and peed all over the carpet and then ran upstairs and pooped again, all over the carpet, and Luke also messed his diaper.
Another carpet cleaning, another diaper change, another tantrum to put church clothes back on. This tantrum resulted in a swift kick from William's flailing leg, right into my bruised, swollen shin. We both ended up howling.
We were running late by this point, so I threw everything together, threw my hair into a ponytail, and told the kids to get into the car. To which they replied.." what car?"
I forgot that Ben had taken the pathfinder with the carseats, and his car was full of stuff from the townhome. We had no choice. All 5 of us had to cram into one 1/2 seats in the car. Yup.
Once in the car, I realized the William had taken all of his clothes off, and I had no shoes on! So I had to hobble back into the house with him, and put his clothes back on as he screamed, slapped, and fought me. I also grabbed shoes for myself. :)
As we were pulling out, I noticed that the people who are building a home in our cul-de-sac were here looking at their house. We hadn't met them yet, so I decided to say a quick hello. I pulled up next to them and hopped out of the car to say hello. As I was chatting with them, I noticed them glancing at the car full of stuff, and my four children smashed in the front seat, two of them bawling. I gave a very flustered excuse for the kids smashed in the car and the frantic comings and goings from our house that morning, and they just smiled and nodded. ugh.
And then their cute kids came up to me to show me what they had found in our front yard. It was a bin full of snakes. I have a true blue phobia of snakes. So I tried to act like it was cool as I choked down the vomit threatening to burst from me, and control the urge to run away screaming and bawling and then curling up into a bawl, rocking and sucking my thumb. I slowly limped my way away from the snakes, and back to my clown car full of screaming children, trying to smile and kindly wave bye to the new neighbors, and tell them that its a great place to live full of good people. I can't wait for a few years from now, when I can ask them what their first impression of me was like. The crazy, limping lady, turning green at the sight of snakes, with no shoes on, with the car crammed full of crying kids on Easter Sunday. That should be good. :)
We made it to church on time, but William had no shoes or socks, I couldn't find the bottle, and I had left the bag with Sam's talk in it, and treats for our primary class at home. Yes, the bag that I put right by the door so I wouldn't forget it. gggrrrr!
We made it through the sacrament with complete chaos of kids too high on sugar, to low on sleep and a frazzled mom holding a squirmy baby with no car seat and calming a screaming 2 year old. I then left Mary and Sam at church while I ran home with Will and Luke to get Sam's talk and the bottle. Don't judge, I trusted the family in front of us to not let Sam and Mary do anything too drastic, and we live close to the church. The family of 5 boys who were sitting revently and calmly while their mom handles them alone because her husband is on the stand. What gives! I need some serious pointers from them! Amazing! Anyway, so I decided to go back home to get the talk, one problem though, I couldn't find the keys.
After 10 minutes of me very loudly going through bags, holding a squirming baby, and shushing kids, I figured they were in the car, so I grabbed William and Luke and went to the car, where the keys were still in it. Go me. William decided to run off at this point, and I spent 5 minutes chasing him through the parking lot.
I drove home with both boys on my lap, grabbed the talk, still couldn't find the bottle, and rushed back to church, where I could hear Mary and Sam fighting from the foyer.
I went back in, with a sad shoeless William, a squirming baby, and a primary talk in a bag. Sacrament meeting was nothing short of chaos with me trying to manage everyone, and no bottle for Luke. Finally Ben showed up as it ended. He grabbed Luke while I went to join Sam for his primary talk.
Right before he got up to give his talk, we couldn't find it..anywhere!!! It was gone. I had driven back home amidst the chaos, only to lose it again. Sam got up to give his talk, he held up an easter egg, and I literally made up a poem for him to say as he was saying it. It worked.
I then sat down with our primary class, only to realize that we had no lesson planned. CRAP! Our binder and lesson manual were lost in the move, and we had completely forgotten to prepare anything.
Ben and I ended up pulling together a great Easter lesson regardless, and I was very frazzled, but very proud of us.
Right after church, Ben had to go back to the townhome for the inspection, and thankfully he took Luke with him and got him a new bottle.
I made dinner in complete exhaustion, we ate, Ben took the kids on a walk, I cleaned the tornado left behind in the mad dash for church, and then I crashed.
Reason to laugh: Because the laugh in one of complete insanity. The shrill, out of my mind, what the heck was I thinking, kind of laugh. I guess this day needs a bit more time to truly laugh at, but I will get there....tomorrow maybe.
Needless to say, I am a VERY amused person.
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