Me: William, Netflix isn't working, the internet keeps freezing. William: Why mom, is it on ice?
Me, talking to Mary's friend Ella.
Me: So Ella, what is it like having twin brothers?
Ella: It is fun, and I laugh when my mom feeds them.
Me: Why do you laugh?
Ella: Because she feeds them at the same time and it is funny.
Mary: She can't feed them at the same time.
Me and Ella: Why not Mary?
Mary: Because she only has one bellybutton.
Ben: Does anyone know why William's mouth is bleeding?
Sam: Maybe someone put a fingernail in it.
Ben: Sam..did you put a fingernail in William's mouth?
Sam: No, the prophet did.
Becky: "Hey Mary, what do you think of Uncle Tyler's new mustache?"
Mary: "Well, it does look better than yours."
Grandma JoJo in the McDonalds Drive through, after the guy gave her the food..
JoJo: "Thanks a million."
Mary: "Was his name amillion?"
Mary: "Hey mom..I know what time it is.
Becky: "Oh really, well, what time is it?"
Mary: "It is 3 PMS"
After an entier day of Sam bawling his eyes out from getting his two year molars.
Mary: "Dad, I am sick of babies crying all day. I just need to go somewhere where I can be a kid...like Chucky Cheeses."
(the commercial for the place says "where a kid can be a kid." She has never been there, and neither have I, but obviously, we will go soon.
This is a conversation Mary had on the phone with grandma.
"I have too many necklaces, so my mom bought some hookers. We put the hookers in my room and I put all of my necklaces and bracelets on them. Now my necklaces aren't all over anymore. I like my hookers."
(she is talking about the hooks I hung on her wall in her "Diva Corner.")
Mom: Hey Mary guess what! I have a baby in my tummy. You will get a new baby brother or sister soon.
Mary: Looking at my tummy..."Well, where is it?"
Mom: It is so small that you can't tell it is there yet. In a while the baby will get bigger and so will mommy's tummy. Then you will be able to see it all better.
Mary: Oh yeah! And then you POP!!!!
Mom: No, I don't exactly "pop" Mary.
Mary: Of course you do, just like a balloon. They get bigger and bigger and then they just pop! Don't be scared mom, it will be o.k. , I really like balloons.
Mary: (holding up a dollar she found). "Hey mom, I have some cash!"
Mom: "Sam, you need to behave a little better please."
Sam:"But mom, I am being have.
Mom:"huh?"
Sam: "how can I be have if I don't even know who have is?"
Mom: Mary's lets get in the car. Mary: Are we taking the "stick?" (she meant stick shift, cracks me up)
Dad:"Sam, have fun at preschool and remember what we talked about ok."
Sam:"I know,I know, be nice to the humans."
Mary: Why do you not say anything when you read your scriptures? Ben: Because I read them in my head, kind of like when Jesus speaks to us, he speaks to us in our minds.
Mary: Well, how does Jesus fit in there?
Mary: Pointing to a complete stranger sitting on the sidewalk smoking.. "See mom, there is the man ( it was actually a woman) that smokes. He is going to DIE!!!"
Luckily the woman just laughed and said, "she is probably right."
Mary: "I saw Jesus' foot today, he almost stepped on our house."
Mary.."So mom, is Jesus' middle name Christ?" Is His name Jesus Christ Maynard?"
Mary: "Grandma came here and told me to do it, then she left really fast."
Mary: when she is in trouble (yelling) "mom...here's the deal, lets just talk about it, you are my very best friend!"
Mary: "I have a baby in my tummy. His name is Choko, he is 36months old."
2 comments:
Oh my GOSH, this is hilarious. You made my day!
How fun is that! So jealous you are in Colorado, until I need my mom, then I am glad we are so close.
We do miss it though. Especially now that everyone is moving there.
Hope you are well. Your dog is cute, your kids are cute, and you guys are cute.
Maybe we'll hook up in Idaho for the holidays! We are actually thinking of coming to Colorado for Thanksgiving. We'll see...
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