Jumbled

For the past few months, I have been slowly putting together a new look for our home. I have a big fat binder full of pictures, furniture, paint colors, color schemes, textures, lighting, wood colors, and all sorts of stuff. It is my Home OCD binder, and it is so organized and detailed, it would make you puke.


My main focus at the moment, is the family room. I decided to start there. Our old style was Victorian, traditional, and very classy. I really liked it, but it is just not us. I want a look that is more cozy and fun. A look with more personality and conducive for a home full of kids and laughter. I am going for something more bright, fun, and personal, but still relaxing.

I decided on a cottage/rustic look, with spurts of fun color here and there. Basically, I am mixing two different styles and adding some of my own personality in there as well.

SO much easier said than done. The "spurts" of color keep taking over and making it look like a starburst room. Eek! It just won't come together, and my mind is on overdrive trying to get it to work.

This week I have been to 16 different stores, returned and bought numerous items, maneuvered my pregnant belly around all sorts of isles and parking lots, driven in snow storms, taken at least 2 kids each time, and have re-decorated the room so many times I can't see straight anymore.

I know the look I am going for, I just can't seem to get it down.

Hopefully, it will all come together soon enough. For now, I am just going to have to leave things be, and sit on it all for a while. I think that some bigger items of furniture and some paint, are what will really make it come together. I am just not ready for all of that yet. Not in this house anyway. ;)

So far though, this is my absolute most favorite purchase this week! Love it!


And this picture now hanging in the room, is my other favorite find, and my color scheme.

I just can't seem to find curtains to match. What color of curtains go with this? Burnt orange? Red? Yellow?

Maybe someday, I can hire an interior designer to figure it all out for me. Then I will be able to sleep without waking up at weird hours with new inspiration that just HAVE to be written down. (sigh) Someday.

It's Always Fun For Everyone....

when grandma comes!

Ben's mom Jolene decided to make a trip here, in order to join in the Birthday celebrations for Sam. And oh man, are we glad she did! Sam felt so loved and important on his special day, and nothing brings me greater joy for my kids than for them to feel loved and special. Because they are.

She arrived Thursday evening just as Mary arrived home from gymnastics. Great timing.

Friday was spent doing last minute Birthday shopping, getting slushies at Target, picking up Mary early from school (surprise!) and taking the kiddos out to lunch, playing at the park, quiet time for me(yes, that actually does exist) and playing hard with grandma.

The kids were so happy and excited, and I relished every second of having an adult around all day to laugh with, talk with, and hang out with. It was a very fun day.

Ben's dad surprised us that evening, and ended up coming as well. We went out to dinner and had fun talking and just being together. Just after one day of fun and excitement, Sam could take no more. This is how he ended up at dinner. ;)


Saturday was full of more playing with grandma and grandpa, watching Mary at gymnastics, running errands, going on some drives to see a few places, and being together.



(William REALLY wanted the car he had been playing with before the picture)


Sunday was church (where I had no idea the choir was performing and somehow pulled off playing the piano for them...yikes!), a yummy Sunday dinner, and more visiting and playing.

Monday was the big day. Sam's 5th Birthday! aaaaggghhh. Where on earth did time go, and what happened to my little Sammy boy? I honestly can't believe he is really 5. What a fun age! It is a year of fun changes and graduating to bigger things. I am excited for him.

Sam woke up almost every 20 minutes crying the night before his Birthday. We could not figure out what on earth was wrong with him. He didn't know either. This lasted for almost 4 hours. Finally he settled into a deep sleep and all was well. Ben and I think that he was so excited for his Birthday and all of the fun, that once his body fell asleep, it couldn't handle it all, so he cried. It shouldn't be funny, but we have to laugh. Sam is the kind of kid that gets so excited for fun things. I mean REALLY excited...weeks in advance. I love that about him. I just hope it doesn't make him cry anymore. ;)

He woke up to the "Birthday tunnel." The stairway was decorated like a big tunnel for him to come down. He blasted down the stairs and asked Ben, "Am I 5 right now, I mean right now?" Ben said yes. Then Sam said, "Am I bigger?" Again, Ben said yes.
And with that, Sam was content.

Ben's parents had to leave, so Sam opened his presents after breakfast. He loved them and was very excited to play with them and to share them.

We said goodbye to Ben's parents, and then it was off to the gym. After the gym, it was time for the long awaited for event.

THE CLASSIC FAMILY FUN CENTER

We told Sam we would go there for his Birthday a while ago, and all of the kids have been looking forward to it. Even the big adult kids. ;) It did not disappoint.

We ended spending over three hours there, and we had an absolute blast!

The favorite for everyone was the blast zone with the balls flying everywhere and the HUGE red slide. I could not believe Mary and Sam actually went down the thing. Of course, Ben had to try it too. He is such a fun dad. I decided that William, me and baby in womb should just stick to the smaller slides. It did look fun though.


We rollerskated,

(William actually tried it too, and LOVED it)
did the bounce houses, the kids ran through the jungle rooms, we ate pizza, and did the blast zone. It was so much fun! We plan on going back there again and again and again.

It was a little crazy to think that the last time we were there was for a family reunion. We lived in Colorado at the time. It was at that very reunion where Ben and I had our first very strong feelings that we would end up living in Utah somdeday. Little did we know that three years later we would be there again, and living only 15 minutes away. Wow.

Then it was home where Sam blew out the candles and we ate his Birthday cake of "dirt and worms." It was incredibly tasty. Sam thought it was awesome.

And that folks was our weekend, and it was awesome! Family is what it is all about, and where the true joy lies. I am so grateful for mine.

The Day of L-O-V-E

Our Valentines Day actually began yesterday.
I spent 3 hours cooking 70 sugar cookies, with the help of my family.







We decided as a family, to reach out and try to help people feel like they are worth some love and effort. People that we don't normally hang out with or associate with much, but would really like to get to know. So, we made a bunch of cookies, and spent our FHE delivering them to several people. It was awesome, to say the least. I discovered some amazing people right here in my neighborhood that I can't wait to get to know better.

Watching my kids giggle and be so excited to "give some love" was equally amazing to watch. I felt my heart becoming more full as I tried to help others feel the same.

This past weekend, Ben and I had a wonderful time together. It wasn't actually a Valentine's date, but the love I felt from Ben sure made it feel just like one.
He lined up a babysitter and took me on a much needed shopping trip for new maternity clothes. Nothing screams frumpy and blah like a pregnant woman growing out of her clothes and feeling icky. The new clothes really livened up my step and feel great. Then we went out to dinner to a cute, little resturant we love that was quiet and nice. It was simple, but so needed and, we just really had a good time.
He also brought flowers home the day before...just to let me know he loves me. These precious tokens from him really meant a lot to me and bonded us even closer together. I am a very lucky girl.

This morning, we all woke up to little suprises from eachother. Chocolates, stuffed animals, big banging balloons, flowers, ect. It was a fun morning to show our love for eachother.


Mary practically bounced out the door with excitement and a bag full of Valentine's to give classmates and friends. Holiday's during grade school are the best.

Sam's preschool party is tomorrow, and aside from his Birthday (in six days as he will tell you), he can't talk about anything else.

After the morning love fest, it was off to the doctor. William ate some of his Valentine suckers on the way. Little did I know...

William has pink eye. After the appointment, our awesome doctor who we love gave William and Sam suckers.


Then it was off to the pharmacy, to get the eye drops. The pharmacist gave Sam and William a sucker.


Then it was off to get the boy's hair cut. They got suckers. Actually, Sam didn't even want his at this point. hehehe It is still in my purse.


I just got back from my OB appointment. All is looking well and this baby is by far the most active one in the womb ever! The poor nurse couldn't get the heart beat because he wouldn't hold still long enough... maybe it was those sugar cookies. ;)Oh, I love this baby of mine.

Needless to say, our Valentines Day has been very busy, but very good. Sure, we don't really need a special day to say I love you, but it is so great to have a day to say it even more and in more fun ways. I also think it is a good day to reach out to those who may not be feeling the love, or who could use some TLC. Our cookie thing may just become a tradition. I think it is a great holiday!

So, Happy Valentines Day to all of you out there in blog-sphere! Enjoy the day.

Switch-A-Roo

There are some things we need to do before out little guy arrives.
One of which, is to switch up the bed situation and have everyone comfortable with it by the time baby boy is here. I have learned from past experience, that changes for the other kids are not something to be done when a baby arrives. Nope, keep it as simple and non-changing as possible. We will be doing any necessary changes well before he gets here.

Right now the bed situation is like this...

Mary is here, in her room, in her bed.

Sam is here, on the floor right next to Mary.

Sam has his own bed, in his own room, he just chooses to sleep next to Mary instead. Both Mary and Sam like this set up, and because the mattress slides under Mary's bed and is out of the way during the day, I have no problem with it either.


William is here, in the pack and play, in our room. The comforter (which is one of my most favorite possessions) is not in it when he is, but it is a great storage place for it during the day.


We need to have this happen in the near future...

Mary is still here, and will somehow have to get used to being alone in her room at night. I think she will be fine, she sleeps with about 5 stuffed animals anyway. ;)



But Sam will be here, in his own room and in his own bed.



William will be on the floor next to Sam's bed,

in the boy's room, on the mattress that Sam has been sleeping on in Mary's room. It will now be stored under Sam's bed instead of Mary's.


And baby boy will be in the pack and play next mom and dad's bed.



Sam and Mary are not thrilled about being separated, so we are off to get some glow in the dark stars, cool night lights and some other bedroom stuff to make the transition easier. Hopefully in a week or two, we will have the changes all made, and the kids will be happy.

Wish us luck. The switch starts this weekend.

Forgotten, but not really

I read a quote today, and loved it.
"Lonely people build walls instead of bridges."

I must admit, I have been having a bad case of feeling forgotten this week.
Blame it on the pregnancy hormones if you will, or the blahs of winter, but either way, feeling forgotten really bites.

I am surrounded by loving family and friends, so this seems a little weird to me to feel this way. Serioulsly, probably pregnancy hormones, but still.

I think it stems from a few things.
I have not been able to do a lot of the things I used to do that involved being around friends. (running, work out group, relief society meetings on Tuesday nights, ect.) Because of the pregnancy and our schedule, these things have been out of the picture.

Most of my friends are in Young Womens or Primary, so I don't see many of my friends at church, and we are not really doing the same things when it comes to that.

My family is all very busy with their own crazy lives, and even though we live closer, it can still be hard to connect.

The blog is private. Yes, it has been SO nice to have the privacy, but it also has taken some getting used to. It is easy to forget to check a private blog.

I got tired of facebook, and rarely get on there anymore. I don't miss it, but I guess I do miss the connection (however real or fake it was) it kind of provided to outside life.

I have not burned any bridges with anyone by any means, but I think that sometimes people can just kind of forget you after a while of you not being there. Kind of stinks.

This weekend I decided to go way out of my comfort zone and try to set up a group date. It was actually a big deal to me. I love to have fun, I don't love to set it up.
It fell through, which was fine, but I later learned that it was probably because of a girls night thing that I was not asked to be a part of. Double ouch. Ok, actually it made me cry. I am a big girl, and normally I can shrug things like this off, but for some reason this really ran deep this time. Yes, my feelings were very hurt.

So, I have had my nice little pity party this week. I have shed some tears, gotten upset, almost got bitter, and then I got down on my knees.

I was reminded that I am never alone with the Lord. I was also reminded of my numerous friends, my family and so many others out there who really do care. I am not alone and am actually very blessed with so many great relationships. I am not fogotten. Because of feeling forgotten, I have built walls, not bridges. I have not been rude or anything, I just emotionally shut off. Not good.

I have begun working on bridges again. Some old bridges, and some new ones. It is hard, because I still a not able to see people a ton, and I think some good friendships have let me go because I have been "out of the loop", but I am trying. The Lord will make up for where I lack and where I cannot be.

My true friends and family will not forget me. They may pass me by for a while, but deep down, I know people are better than that.

Does anyone else out there ever feel like this, or am I just crazy? I have a feeling I will seriously regret this post, but I made a vow that I would never have an "everything is perfect" blog. When my kids read the blog book in the future, I want them to see and learn from the good times and the bad. Life is about joy and pain.

I want my kids to see that sometimes there will be floods in your life. And maybe when you feel like you are swimming all alone, all you really need to do, is get some help from the Lord and build a bridge (or two or three).

Prego Post

I realized that I haven't updated about the pregnancy for a while. So here it is.

As always, the second trimester is bliss compared to the first. I love it and all of the energy that comes with it. It is so wonderful to feel good! I can't believe I only have one week left until the third trimester, so crazy!

The horrid nausea finally passed around week 20. It arrived earlier (5 weeks into the pregnancy) and hung around longer than my other pregnancies, and was the worst so far, so I am very grateful to have it gone. I feel like a new woman, and it is so great!

I have been back to the gym for a little over a month now. I wasn't able to go because of the complications I had earlier, but now I am all clear, and so happy to be exercising again. I am not running, because it hurts me to run when pregnant, and because it is a nice change from the norm. I do the elliptical for 50 minutes and then I walk fast and uphill for about 20. It feels so great to get a good workout in during pregnancy for me. I feel like I am helping my baby and myself by trying to stay fit. Not to mention that exercising is such a part of me, and I need it. I crave it.

Since it is my fourth baby, obviously I am showing. I don't feel huge yet, and I can still fit about 1/2 of my normal clothes, but that will change in about a month. I normally blow up at about 7 months. Sorry, no pictures. I am not a fan of prego pictures of myself, they make me feel weird. As much as I don't like feeling big, it is always so neat to look at my belly and know that a precious child of mine is in there growing and awaiting to join us.

This little guy has really taught me a lot already. I have been very blessed with some incredibly important revelation concerning him and with a very special gimpse into the future of our family. January was a month of a lot of questions and pondering for me, concerning our family, and the Lord taught me some lessons through my son that I didn't even know I needed to learn. My view of motherhood has been taken to a much deeper and much more meaningful level, and I have had a big change of heart with a few things. Our future is not the one that I thought was set for our family just a month ago, but it is going to be so much better, because now I know that that Lord's plan for us is so specific to what will make us happy. I am very excited to see how things unfold for us. I feel a lot more confident and ready.

Even though this was my hardest pregnancy so far, as far as the first 20 weeks went, I am not sure that we are going to stop at 4. I am no longer stubbernly putting my feet in the ground and demanding that we have no more. I don't know if we are done having kids or not, but I do know that I am very happy and excited either way. I guess in time, the Lord will let us know His will, and I am now to a point where I am very open and ready to accept whatever that may be. 4 kids or more kids, my heart is now in the right place, and I am embracing motherhood with my whole heart and soul. I want to, I yearn to, and I am excited to. These children and my family are everything to me and I take my calling to love and nurture them very seriously. I have embraced this calling on a whole new level, and I can honestly say I am so excited to mother these children of mine now and in the years to come.

The cravings have stopped, but I tell you what, I am hungry ALL THE TIME! It is amazing. I like food, so I don't mind the filling the hunger...as long as the scale approves. ;) Sugar made me VERY sick for the first 5 months, so I hardly ate it, in any form. Now that I can eat it, it is like my body can't get enough. I am very careful, but man, I have never enjoyed a big bowl of ice cream quite like this before. I guess it takes losing something to really appreciate it sometimes.

As a family, we are all very excited to meet our new addition. Mary had her moment of sadness/shock when she learned our girl was a boy, but it has been amazing to me to see her sadness turn into so much love and excitement, so quickly. Kids are so resiliant! She really loves this baby already, and has enjoyed embracing the fact that she could be the only girl, and therefore the only princess in this castle of ours. We have made it a very positive thing for her to look forward to, and I can tell that she is now happy and content with her brother-to-be. She has a very special role as the oldest and maybe the only girl in the family. I can see it clearly, and it makes me so happy that the Lord knows what he is doing and that He places each child in a family exactly where they need to be.

Sam hasn't seemed to pay much attention to the whole thing, until I brought home the ultrasound pictures. He loves to look at them and asks me all the time if he can see them. I have had three ultrasounds so far, so we have lots and lots and lots of pictures. Arms, legs, face, profile, fingers, toes, wee-wee, back, sucking the thumb, waving, yawning, ect. Sam gets a kick out of them, and honestly believes his brother is waving to him in one picture. It is adorable and I will let him think that. It is his link to his brother, and it is special.

Somehow I think William recognizes that there is a little spirit residing in my tummy. He doesn't do much about it, but every once in a while he will touch my tummy or look at it with a reverent look in his eyes. We are allowing William to embrace his last few months as the youngest as much as we can. He is such a fun and happy baby in our home, but I can already feel that his role as a big brother will be very amazing for him to fulfill and I am excited to see it unfold.

My due date it still June 4th. Mine and Williams Birthday. I would love to naturally go into labor, but as we get closer, if it looks like he may just arrive right on time, I will probably be induced, in order to avoid three of us sharing a Birthday. I have been induced before, and all went well, so I have no problems with that, but it is always nice to just let things go in their time. I want my boys to have their own special day just for them. Birthday's are very meaningful and special in our home. I love to celebrate my children and make them feel special and unique. It is the one day in the year just for them. So special. I have gladly given William my Birthday, and I love that we share it, but I think it will be best to let the brothers have their own.

I will turn 30 the week our baby enters this world (most likely). During the first part of this pregnancy, I talked myself into thinking that I am getting too old for this, that pregnancy is too hard on my body, and that I can't do it anymore. I actually was thinking I was old, and truly believing it. Silly, silly me.
Now I have realized that I am still plenty young and plenty healthy to be pregnant. I have been blessed with a body that can have babies and that can bounce back pretty quickly when all is said and done. That is an amazing gift that I have failied to recognize until now. The Lord has blessed me with a very able body and I now know that having 4 kids by age 30 is not by any means old. I am very excited to think the majority, if not all of my 30's will be spent raising kids, not cooking and birthing them. That is pretty cool to me and I really look forward to it and have an insightful and neat view of it.

This little guy is incredibly active in my tummy. He reminds me a lot of Mary in the womb. Constantly moving, hiccupping, jerking and rolling around. It makes for some entertaining ultrasounds and some very funny moments of watching my stomach pop up and down all over the place. Ben loves it, I love it unless it hurts, Mary thinks its great, Sam thinks its weird, and William doesn't really care.

Other than all of that, the pregnancy is just moving along. Some days it moves too fast and I can't believe it, other days it feels like it will never end. I am really trying to embrace it and cherish it, because these moments are really just a short time and a special time. It can be hard to remember that, but I have also known and felt what it is like to lose this precious gift. That can really change a perspective my friends. My next appointment in on Valentines Day and should be good and uneventful. We shall see. ;)

So there you go. A very long and very lengthy pregnancy update. The Lord has opened the way for me to enrich my perspective, pour my heart out on prayer for answers to questions I didn't even know I had, change my heart, receive revelation, gain an amazing outlook concerning my family and our life now and in the future, and become a more refined me, through this baby of mine, and he isn't even here yet. Wow.

Size 8...Wide.

William is a big boy. If we didn't already know that when he was born over 2 pounds bigger than the other two (at 9 1/2 lbs), or the fact that he wore 0-3 month clothes for one week, the size of his hands and feet have surely clued us in.

We know that William must have ankles, because he can walk and his feet move. We just haven't seen them yet. His legs go from thigh, to huge calf to feet. There is no narrowing of the leg down to the feet. Nope, just rolls and adorable baby chub the whole way down. I could just squish them all day...and I do.

His legs are not only huge, but his feet are big as well. They are long and wide. They are almost as tall as they are long. Basically, they look like squares with tiny peas on the ends for toes. For the first 8 months of his life, his toes never even came close to touching the ground, because the fat on the bottom of his feet was so thick.



Needless to say, I have hunted and hunted and hunted to try to find shoes to fit his feet. I went to four shoe stores, and even with the help of the employees and foot measuring equipment, we never found a shoe to fit William.

The ironic thing is that William LOVES shoes. One of his favorite things to do is to put Mary's shoes on and stomp all over the house. He also does this with Ben's shoes as well as mine.

Then, one fine day, I discovered these things at Walmart of all places. Yup, white trash, hunting, camo. boots. They were basically square, like Williams feet, and guess what...they fit! I couldn't believe it. I put them on Williams feet, and he refused to let me take them off. Even when I bought the shoes, the lady had to scan them on his feet. William absolutely loves his shoes. He has worn them everywhere, including church, because they are the only pair. I think they are so ugly, but I have no choice. And he loves them, so therefore, I love them.


The best part is that the bottom has a clear part on it. William cannot wear socks with these shoes, or they don't fit, so when he sits down, we can see his little toes in his shoes. For whatever reason, it is really funny.

This past week, I was in need of some new shoes. I found a great deal at a shoe store, and what do you know, it was buy one get one half off! William was with me, and at the time, he had no shoes on. His boots have finally become too small. Dang.

William was grabbing every shoe in sight and trying to put them on, so I decided to see if I could find something for him. I found a great pair for me, and then it was off on the hunt to find something for William. I had no real expectation to find anything.

Well, what do you know, we found a pair that fit William! Actually, the employee helped us find a pair. William is a size 7, but in order to fit his fat foot into the shoe, we had to get a size 8 wide. hahahaha

And they are so stinkin' cute! William was beyond thrilled!


Again, he wore the shoes out of the store. He took a few steps into the parking lot, and then starting laughing and running. He was so excited to have shoes that fit again. He kept looking down at his feet all day to make sure they were still there.

He sure loves his shoes, and I am so happy to have finally found a cute pair for him.
I sure love this boy, and am getting more excited every day for our next boy to join the clan. My three sons...I LOVE the sound of that.

Stickers...what stickers?

Part of the reward for passing off a piano piece, for my students, is choosing to put a sticker on the page they competed.

The power of the sticker is a funny thing. My students range from 6 years old up to 15, and they all grin when I pull out the pile of stickers. There is just something about that little reward, with the funny picture and the idea that you can stick them anywhere, that seems to appeal to all humans alike.

The stickers have been stashed under the piano bench when lessons are not taking place. I thought it was a great hiding place.

Um, I think I was wrong.



I was actually impressed that he was able to get the "gickers" off the paper and onto his head without anyone noticing, and with such perfection. Maya also had a nice assortmet of stickers all over her fur as well. She wasn't as proud to show them off as William was, but it was hilarious anyway.

He was so proud that all we could do was laugh and clap for the show...and put the stickers up one shelf higher. :)

Tripple Ouch!

I have come to the conclusion that there is absolutely no way to lessen the fear or pain of those dreaded Kindergarten shots. It is one of those things that just have to be done, and it stinks.

I waited until this morning to tell Sam that he was getting them today, and I was so impressed with how brave he was! Of course, he was scared, but he willingly got into the car and even went through the whole appointment without a tear. What a man! And look at those amazing muscles.

He was weighed, measured, eyes were checked, bp taken, and so on. It is always good to hear that although he is a little guy (weighing in at 36lbs...only 4 pounds bigger than William, but 3 1/2 years older) he is healthy and doing great. He did it all like a pro! That gave me some hope...some.

And then the moment came. Sam hid behind me, and began shaking all over. To me, that was worse than crying. His lips were quivering and he was freezing cold. The poor kid was terrified. ugh.

We laid him down on the table, and then the thrashing and screams began. I got the fun duty of holding his arms down and trying to soothe him, while looking into his scared big blue eyes, as they poked him, three times. Each one deeper than the one before, and each one getting a louder yell than the one before. My ears are still ringing.

I don't think I will ever get used to watching my kids get shots. Poor William didn't enjoy it either. He began to cry after watching his big brother cry. I am pretty sure we scared all of the other kids in the rooms around us. Especially when Sam came out with a bloody face (from a bloody nose), limping, and still shuddering...with the nurse saying sorry over and over again. Awesome.
The suckers and stickers did seem to lessen the pain and the after crying shudders, but I still felt so bad for my sweet Sammy. ;)

Sam is happily watching a show now, with a tummy full of ice cream and Tylenol. All is well for him. He is done.

Lucky for me, I have at least two more times of going through this. I am hoping that the pain free micro-needle I read about in Readers Digest, will be out by then, and that these big, scary, painful needles will soon be a thing of the past.

Instead of describing hardships of our age by "hiking to school through 5 feet of snow, uphill both ways." It will be "getting stuck with a foot long needle, time and time again, down to the bone."

That will be a good day indeed.

Expecting the Unexpected???

Do you ever feel like you are waiting for something to happen, but you have no idea what it is. That would be me right now.

Blame it on the pregnancy hormones if you will, but I tell ya, I just feel so unsettled. It is weird! My mind just goes non stop, even more than usual.

I feel like I am waiting for something, but there is nothing really coming up that I would be excited, anxious or nervous for.

I am wondering if it has anything to do with the ultrasound/gender shock we had. Maybe now I don't feel like much is as it seems. It is very crazy to think one thing for a month, and then to have it completely switched. Very nuts (no pun intended, hehehe)!

I saw the boy parts (or what I am mostly convinced were boy parts), I heard the tech say it was for sure a boy, but I am still not 100% sold. A month ago, I saw and heard the opposite.
I am fine with either gender, but I guess I lost some faith in ultrasounds predicting the gender. I have been VERY tempted to pay the $ to get another ultrasound, and set the gender in stone, but I wonder if that would just be crazy.

Oh, and I thought I should mention, because people have been asking...Mary is totally fine now. I think the shock of baby going from girl to boy was just pretty big for her. That very night, she told me that she was happy for another brother, and to be the "princess" from now on. She is all smiles when she talks about the baby, and she hasn't mentioned a baby sister since. I love how kids can just move on like that.

Ultrasound change or not, I have ants in my pants. The winds of change are blowing, I just can't seem to figure out where or when. Sometimes I sure wish for a crystal ball. Don't you?

Shocker!

I had my 19 week ultrasound today.
I must say, that I always go into these things a bit nervous. I am not sure why, I just do.
Today was no different. I just felt that we were going to have a bit of a shock this time. Actually, I somehow knew we would. I was just praying that the shock would be something I could hadle. Something that I already know is going on, but just may be confirmed. Like the placenta being low.
Well, it is something I can handle, and for that I am so grateful.

Our girl is actually a boy.

Yup...it's a boy. And oh boy, is it ever a boy. He was not shy at all!

To say we were shocked would be an understatement. One month ago, in that room, we were staring right in between the legs of our 14 week old baby in womb, and there was nothing there. Nothing at all. In fact, the tech was pretty dang sure it was a girl. Sure enough, to tell us that she would tell people it was a girl if it was her baby.

So we did tell people. And including those people, we told Mary. We told her with a huge MAYBE, and I am so glad we did that. She knew that today there would be a tiny chance that her new sister could be a brother.

Regardless, when we told her today (and we tried to make it very happy and positive), her reaction broke my heart into a million pieces. She tried to be so tough and to even giggle about the mix up, and to hide the tears, but the tears came, and then came some more. It was VERY VERY sad. I can completely relate, as I have been in her shoes before. Oh man, it was so sad to see her so sad. I actually can't type about it anymore.

We had a good talk, a good cry, and a good hug, and now she seems fine. What a hard thing for a 7 year old to understand, and for a momma to try to explain.

Our little boy is healthy, growing at the right pace, adorable, has a pug face like the others, and will be very loved and adored in our family. We are more than happy to have him and we can't wait to meet him. My placenta is still low, but not scary anymore, and there is no longer the threat of a c-section or previa at this point. Hooray!

I was shocked and I have had to make a complete change in my mind, but after watching him suck his thumb, yawn, kick, and wave, he grabbed my heart and wrapped his spirit around it. I am in love with my precious son, and there is no turning back.

p.s. Last reminder. The blog will go private tomorrow or the next day. If you haven't give me your email and you would like to still view the blog, please get it to me. This includes family members. Thanks!

Before It's Too Late

The holidays are quickly becoming a thing of the past, and I need to post about them for journaling purposes, before it's too late. We are having some nasty computer problems, so blogging, checking email, and looking at your blogs has become a task that takes hours...truly. And honestly, I don't enjoy spending hours on a computer, so this post may be long, but I am trying to cram it all into one..while I am actually on this messed up computer.


First up..Mary's Birthday Highlights.
I ate lunch at school with her. She showed me how to do everything, and I enjoyed recess with Mary and her very silly friends. It meant the world to her. It was awesome.

An Origami kit, some adorable Carmela Coyle books, a Baby alive (that is way too alive for me:) ), lots of Pet Shops and a gift card to Justice For Girls! (the favorite gift that we used that very day...40% off of everything, score!)

A Birthday Week at school. A poster about Mary, a favorite game, reading a book to the class, sharing candy, a Birthday book made by the class, and so on. So neat!

Hot dogs, with the bun, watermelon and root beer for dinner. Cake and ice cream later.


Turning 7! Woah.

Playing with best friend Taylor with all of her new toys.



Next up...Christmas Eve.

Going out to breakfast (tradition) and eating the best cinnamon roll french toast in the world. Go Kneaders!

Running last minute errands

Making and delivering goodies to neighbors and friends

Delivering food we gathered for a previous FHE to the homeless shelter in Salt Lake. Our hearts were very softened toward those people who have so little and are so grateful.

Appetizers for dinner and frape.

Christmas Bible story.

Cookies and milk for Santa.

Opening new pj's and slippers.

Bed time.



At one point, I went in their room to do some "santa stuff." I checked to make sure they were sound asleep. Right before I was going to do my Santa duty, Sam shot up in bed and said, "Oh, its just you." I think I jumped 5 feet. He then told me that he thought Santa was in the room, so he was pretending to be asleep. Geeze! I waited another 2 hours before I went in there again.

And now onto Christmas Day:
Wake up early. Kids run down stairs with cameras rolling and Christmas music playing.

Go through stockings and watch the joy and excitement that Christmas brings.

Head to church for an hour of beautiful music about the Saviour. I played lots of piano, and was so relieved that all went well. The pieces were HARD this year.

Back home to open presents. Lots of smiles and lots of love.

Favorites: Mary, the long awaited for American Girl doll. Sam, remote control race car. William, lawn mower that makes lots of noise. Me, a soft, warm, cozy down comforter. Ben, new skis and a gift certificate for a one hour professional massage.

Pack and head to Pocatello to spend the next week with family.

WONDERFUL Christmas full of magic, the Saviour, love, and joy.


Ben and I celebrated our 8th Anniversary the next day.
We went to a movie and just hung out with family and relaxed. I sure love him so much and have felt very blessed to live life with him by my side. I can think of no one better for me, and no one that I love more. I am excited to know that my future is with him, forever and always.

Week in Idaho

Hanging out with family.

Playing lots of BANG!

Hanging out with cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. playing games, talking and eating pizza.

Playing at a gymnastics gym and playing for two hours.

Going to a movie with Grandma.

Shopping and playing at the mall.

McDonalds.

A fun Birthday date for Mary and Aunt Kelsey. Getting nails done and going out to lunch.

Family Bowling on New Year's Eve.

Burning the tree with gas and Fireworks to welcome in 2012.

Having enough time to slow down and let revelation and inspiration sink in. All of those "inclings" I have been given the past few months come to light when I finally relax. New resolutions for 2012 are made and changes are being put into motion with a few things.

It is always good to re-evaluate, change things up, and try to better ourselves for the next year.


Our January Spring
It has been sunny, gorgeous and in the 50's this week, and I can feel my spirit soaring with the sunlight! It has been wonderful and so refreshing. I can't believe it is January and not April, but I will take it for now. We even went to the park yesterday and we were not cold. Woah.



So, there you have it. Another year gone by. Another holiday season wrapped up. A new, fresh year full of hope, excitement, and fun planned. And a lot of lessons learned.

And don't forget, the blog is going private in a week, so send me your email if you would like an invite.

(just had to post this) William has learned to say "cheese" and I LOVE It!

Going Private

After some thought this past week, I have decided to make our blog private.
I am limited to the number of people that I can invite to view the blog, but I will try to accomodate as many of you as I can. I will invite close family and friends first, and go from there.

I don't want to shut anyone out, or seem rude in any way. We just don't feel comfortable with our blog and our lives being open to anyone out there in web world anymore. We feel the need for more privacy.

If you have been following our blog, and would like to continue to follow it, please leave your email in the comment section, or send me an email. If you don't know my address, just let me know you want to view the blog, and I will send it to you.

I will make the blog private in a week, in order to try to collect all of the emails that I will need from all of you.

Happy blogging!

Checking In

Hey fellow bloggers,
I am still here, just not able to blog because our computer has been broken for over two weeks now. I am currently in Idaho using my parents computer.

Mary's Birthday was really fun and she had a wonderful day. I got to eat lunch at school with her and it was very entertaining. A post is soon to come.

Christmas was awesome. I LOVED having it on Sunday and being able to go to church on such a special and meaningful day. I wish we could do that more often on Christmas. It really brought the true spirit of the holiday into our hearts and home. A post is soon to come.

The pregnancy is going well....finally! I received a blessing from Ben a few weeks ago when things were pretty bad, and not 24 hours later, everything stopped and I have been just fine since. Behold the power of miracles. ;) I sure have.

The baby is moving and I find that so comforting. I love knowing that she is ok, without having to get the heartbeat at the Dr. office. We will have an ultrasound in a few weeks to check in on the baby, do all of the fun 20 week ultrasound stuff, confirm the gender (even though the tech was pretty sure it was a girl last time) and make sure the placenta is behaving. I am very excited and a little anxious for that appointment. A post will come soon.

Other than that, we are just hangin' out here in Idaho for a few more days, eating lots of yummy food, and then headed back to life.

Hopefully our computer will be back soon, and I can get some pictures on this blog, and check in on all of yours.

Happy New Year!

Rite of Passage

I guess you could say that my family is made up of late bloomers, when it comes to losing teeth. I lost my first tooth, that wasn't pulled by the dentist, in 2nd grade. Yup, 2nd grade. The grade where most kids are losing their 7th and 8th teeth, at least. My sister was the same.
Therefore, we weren't too surprised when Mary's teeth weren't even close to wiggly going into first grade. The poor kid was wiggling her teeth every night, trying to force that long awaited occasion that signifies a huge milestone to kids of her age. The right to show a smile full of holes, the right to show how you can twist, wiggle, and bend your loose teeth into all sorts of grotesque ways, shapes and forms.

And then an amazing thing happened. About a month ago, Mary came to me and showed me her loose tooth! Oh what a day.

After wiggling, twisting, and doing everything she could, the day finally arrived for the tooth to come out. I went upstairs and hid my head under a pillow and sang songs, while Ben got a napkin and got all set. Have I mentioned that anything that has to do with loose teeth and pulling teeth makes me literally sick to my stomach. I had the heebie jeebies all month watching her wiggle that thing. ick.

Well, Ben pulled and yanked and pulled, and the tooth did not come out. Mary has tiny teeth, and he couldn't get a good grip. Darn.

We waited a few more days, and then then big moment arrived. It took a few good yanks, and the tooth was free! Mary was shocked for a few minutes, and then she was elated.

Here is the note the tooth fairy found under Mary's pillow. (with the tooth taped to it). It was adorable!

Poor Mary is not really sporting a toothless smile. Her other tooth decided to make an appearance behind her loose tooth, before it came out. Thus, giving her the name "shark mouth."

She is proud of it though, and smiles as big as she can. She is now working on three more teeth that all of the sudden started wiggling this week. She can now officially enter the world of grade school and holy smiles.


In other Mary news:
She had her first gymnastics meet of the season this weekend. It was her first time competing at level 4. The meet was an in-house meet, so it was kind of a practice meet for the girls. They had real judges and scores, but they also kept it more low key.
Mary did not compete floor or beam, because she is still learning the order of the routines on those events. She knows the skills, she just doesn't know all of the fancy little arm and leg movements and positions that go in between the moves. Her coaches say she will be ready in a few weeks.

She did bars and vault though, and she rocked it! She placed in the top 4 on both events! We were so proud of her. She has been working so hard, and has had to play catch up because she joined the level 4 team just two months ago. Her other meets will start in March, and we are very excited. Good job Mary girl!

The Appointment....and The Gender (most likely)!

Yesterday morning I woke up to another scare. Same thing that happened last week basically. I had an appointment scheduled for Friday, but I decided that this was not something that should wait.

I called my new OB and they got me in within an hour! Love this place.

We found a very kind soul to watch William and Sam, and Ben came with me to the doctor. We weren't freaking out like we were last week, but we were still very concerned and worried.

I had the ultrasound first. Again, she turned up the volume as we heard the baby's healthy heartbeat, and again, I let some silent tears fall. So much relief after so much anxiety. Such a roller-coaster. Reminder: I lost a baby at exactly this point in the pregnancy a few years ago. It is all still very real and very much at the front of my mind when I have complications like this (that I have NEVER had before).

As the tech measured this and that, we watched our little one kick and play and I couldn't help but smile. Once we knew the baby was fine, and that there was no real danger to be seen, Ben asked if there was any way to know the gender yet. The tech said she would "see what she could see, but the baby is still pretty small."

After more poking and prodding on my VERY sore and tender stomach, the tech said, I can't say it is 100%, but I am pretty sure it is a girl. She then said that a few more times as she got a better look. Ben and I didn't say anything. Our hearts were in our throats, and I think we were both too happy to talk. At the end of the ultrasound, as she was walking out, she said in a very sure tone, "yup, I would say it is a girl." And then she smiled as she shut the door.

That is as sure as we can get right now, and I feel safe to say it is a girl. The doctor also agreed. We will have another ultrasound between 18-20 weeks, if not sooner, and I am sure that is where it will be a done deal and the gender will be solidified as much as it can be before the actual birth.

My mind was in about a million places at this point, as we made our way up to the doctor's office. I am sure Ben felt the same. One thing was for sure though, we were happy, very very happy.

The doctor was amazing. He asked a ton of questions, we asked a ton of questions. He did this test and that test. He looked at the ultrasound, and looked again. He drew blood and he got my history. He pulled out pictures and models and taught us a few things. He spend a lot of TIME with us, and acted truly CONCERNED and WILLING TO HELP. It was awesome.

The conclusion:
We don't know what the heck is happening, but we have some pretty good ideas. The doctor is positive that whatever it is, there is a 95% chance that it will not hurt the baby at this point, especially because the baby looks so strong and has a great heartbeat. He did make sure we know though, that there is still a small, itsy, bitsy chance of things going south, and that we should keep that in the very back corner of our minds.

I do not have placenta previa. Hooray!!!! The placenta moved just enough this past week to rule that out for now. However, it is still lying very low, and easily could be irritating everything, and causing the pain and bleeding.

Another theory, and the one that I feel is correct. The placenta has done a few minor tears away from where it is attached. That explains almost everything. This is not a concern unless there is a tear of over 50% of the placenta. Then it gets bad, really really bad. We would lose the baby for sure, unless I was far enough along for them to do a c-section and save the baby. The doctor does not think that will happen. He thinks the placenta has healed itself each time it has torn so far. To be safe though, I will go in for an ultrasound each time I bleed like I have been, to have the placenta and the baby checked. We are hoping there is no next time though.

So basically, he ruled out everything that would cause immediate harm to our baby at the moment, but also knows that something is happening and it really worries us all out each time it happens.

Oh, and the due date has now gone from June 4th, to June 6th, to May 28th to June 3rd. {Insert shaking of head and chuckling here.} We will just plan on the first week of June.

I go back in in a week, for a follow up and to go over the blood tests, and then we will go from there.

And for other good news...no bed rest! I have been so worried about this, and a little stressed too. Maybe now my nightmares of me being stuck in my bed while the kids are crying next to empty stockings on Christmas morning, and the ward choir is at church waiting for their pianist to show up so they can do the Christmas program, will go away. Honestly.

I have a lot more peace now. I love this doctor and the whole office. Everyone from the receptionist, to the schedulers, to the nurses, to the doctors, are so kind, understanding, and amazing. I am in great hands.

Of course, I worry about my body, and what it is doing and how it can effect the baby, but I feel like it all will be ok, as long as we keep close watch. And oh man, did Ben and I have fun telling the kids and going over some little girl names last night.

Update

First of all,
Thank you to everyone for your advice and for your encouragement to get a new OB. It gave me the push I needed, and I made the change. I truly appreciate your support and advice. It helped a lot to know I was not alone, or just being weird, in my feelings of worry and frustration. Thank you.

I spent Saturday in a great deal of pain, with some spotting to top it off. I called my doctor twice, supposedly they paged him, no one ever called me back.

Sunday was the same. I was in a lot of pain with cramping, I called the doctor three times, each time they said they paged him, I never got a call back. The last time I called, I was very blunt and begged to talk to him or any doctor for that matter. They were not nice, I was ticked, they said a doctor would call, I heard nothing. To say I was upset and worried would be an extreme understatement.

Today, I woke up and called the doctor's office of the new OB I had decided to use. I have to deliver at a certain hospital, so my options are limited, but I got a great recommendation and went with it. I knew that they had never seen me, and had no records, but I asked if I could please be seen today. They had me leave a message for a nurse, and because of my experience this past weekend, I had no hope of getting a call back.

45 minutes later, the nurse called back, and apologized for taking so long. Seriously, I just wanted to kiss her for calling back so quickly or even at all. I was thrilled to finally hear from someone!

She was incredible. She listened to me describe my past 4 days. She was so understanding and more than willing to try to figure out what is going on. She took it very seriously and could not believe I was sent home from the ER being told not to worry and to resume normal activity. She even looked up my ultrasound results and my paper work from the ER while I was on the phone with her! How awesome is that.

She told me that she would talk with the doctor and call me back. And she did, and it was fast! Hooray!

The doctor (who will not be my new doctor, but was so awesome and willing to step in today, and who works with my new OB) said that I need to at least be on moderate bed rest starting right now. No lifting William, no exercising, and no unnecessary work of any kind.
She says I most likely (not for sure) have partial or full placenta previa, but that is not the reason for the bleeding and cramping. In fact, that will not be a big worry until the third trimester, if it has not corrected itself. BUT, they plan on closely monitoring it from here on out and treating the symptoms with it if and when they come.

That said, they are going to try to find the source of my bleeding, cramping and back pain. They have some guesses, some scary, some not, but nothing is for sure yet.

SO

THEY, not I....THEY scheduled an appointment for me to see the doctor asap! I go in Friday morning for an ultrasound and then an appointment right after. Hopefully we will know what is happening after that. Good or bad, I just really need to know what to plan on and what to do about it. Being in the dark is horrible.

Both the nurse and the doctor were phenomenal! My new OB works with them, and they only had great things to say about him as well. I am so relieved.


I am done with my other OB, and I honestly feel like I am in very good hands now, and that I am with the doctor that I need to be with right now.

I do know that something is not right and that my body is trying to tell me something, but I also have hope. I am pretty nervous for Friday, and for what they may discover, but I do have peace and feel that my baby is ok. I may just have to sacrifice a lot more than expected to keep it that way. I hope I am strong enough.

The Scare

Yesterday was my second OB appointment. I had been having some cramping and some back pain, so of course, I was worried. I worry a lot now. Once you experience the worst case scenario with pregnancy, you will worry with each pregnancy after. At least, that has been the case with me. And it is normal, or so I have been told.

My worry has subsided since giving birth to William though, and this pregnancy has not been nearly as nerve-wracking as his was....until yesterday.

My doctor here is a little "interesting." Granted, I have only seen him twice, but he really doesn't seem to care too much. My first appointment, he didn't even give me "the exam" that we all get to experience. He just asked me questions, interrupted me a lot, didn't really listen, did an ultrasound, to calm my fears and get a heartbeat (my request) and sent me on my way. He forgot me as soon as I walked out the door. I never saw him write anything down, and I have a history what most doctors would be writing down and asking about. I got the feeling that he wasn't listening, at all.

My appointment yesterday was similar. I told him that I thought I was anemic. I was anemic for a year, severely anemic for 6 months of that year. I have lost 35% of my blood before. Believe me, I know what it feels like, and I know I am anemic right now. He glanced at my chart from 5 weeks ago, and said, "your iron looks fine." uuummm, yes, I am sure it was 5 WEEKS AGO. A lot can happen in 5 weeks buddy. Especially in pregnancy.
He never measured me, or talked about my concerns with the cramping and back pain, but he did get a good strong heartbeat. And I did a HUGE sigh of relief. We scheduled my 18 week ultrasound, he moved my due date back 2 days to June 6th (for reasons unknown??), then he sent me on my merry way.

Move ahead three hours.

I got home from taking Mary to gymnastics (and running out of gas on 106...yup, that was fun), I went to the bathroom, and there it was. The very thing I have nightmares about now. The one thing that I dread finding. The culprit of my pregnancy fears. Blood, and lots of it. Enough to make me call for Ben.

I go into shock, Ben looks like he just saw a ghost, and time kind of just froze for a few minutes. Then we went into action mode. We found a sitter for Sam, packed the diaper bag, Ben forces me to eat dinner because I was previously starving (good man) and I call and call and call my doctor. The nurse says he will call back.

So we wait, and wait and wait. It was awful.

45 minutes later, yes...45 minutes later, the doctor calls. I told him what was going on. He tells me to go to the ER where he will order an ultrasound.

We go to the E.R. where they say there is no ultrasound ordered. So, we call the doctor again.

And we wait and wait and wait. The order never comes.

40 minutes later, we just check in to the ER, forget the ultrasound order, and I get into a room, and we wait, and wait and wait.

They decide to check me, and then do the ultrasound in the ER. They say they need to get a nurse and will be right back.

Then we wait and wait and wait. The thoughts going through my mind were nuts. Worry, stress, sad, hope, fear, prayers, lots of prayers, and so on. The nurse comes 30 minutes later and they do an exam.

Finally, we got the ultrasound. I thought my lungs were going to burst out of my chest with anxiety. And then there was a heartbeat. Major relief is the only word to describe it, but it doesn't even adequately describe what we felt. I was so relieved I got light headed. I knew we weren't out of the woods, but seeing the heartbeat made me not care about what may come next.

We saw our baby, and then the tech. went on to measure other things.

The results:
The baby is strong and fine, and a week and a 1/2 bigger than we thought. My due date was changed to May 28th. It went from June 4th to June 6th to May 28th in about 6 hours. My placenta is very low. It is not in the right place at the moment. The ER doctor said that it was placenta previa. Full placenta previa.

What to do:
According to the ER doctor: Lots of ultrasounds from here on out, monitoring my bleeding, and if the placenta doesn't move, I will have the baby c-section. Oh, and partial bed rest until the cramping and bleeding stop. This was the prognosis of the ER doctor. The doctor I trusted and that listened to me. The one I liked and felt was right.

Then he called my doctor (who was not even at the same hospital as me) and came back saying this:

"Um, your doctor says that this can be normal. He says not to worry, the placenta will most likely move. He feels no need to follow up with you. You will just see him again in 5 weeks at your scheduled appointment. You can go home, and live life like normal." There was no mention of why I could be bleeding and contracting, or what to do about it.

SERIOUSLY!!! I am all sorts of anxious and worried and looking for answers, and I just got two completely different opinions. Of course, my doctor's opinion overrides the ER doctor. Even if he didn't remember me from just a few hours ago.

Then we left. And here we are.

I cramped all night and didn't sleep well.

Maybe I am just being paranoid, but I spent the morning trying to find a new OB. I need a second opinion, and I feel that I need one soon. The soonest I can be seen by anyone is in a week and 1/2. I scheduled it.

So for now, I am just lying low, trying not to lift anything heavy or do anything that may cause more cramping and bleeding. I am not going to just "live life like normal." Obviously, something is not right, and I am going to be careful. And I guess I will just wait. And wait and wait.

I feel peace and I know that the baby is ok, but it sure would be nice to know exactly what is going on with me and why I have these symptoms. And I really would like to know sooner than 5 weeks from now. I think my doc. should at least have scheduled a follow up appointment in a few days or something.

Am I just being paranoid, or does anyone else out there find that a little odd?